Saturday, 30 June 2018

AFTER ROMANCE 2 Episode 66-70

"That guy.. the one on stage.. is your religion professor?" Harry asks me, despite the fact that Steph just told him.
"Yes." I finish off my drink and begin looking around the table for another.
"He's in a band? How fucking lame." Harry leans back on his chair and rolls his eyes, tapping his fingers against the wooden table.
"They are pretty good, really." Niall says, clearly testing Harry's patience tonight.
"How weird is that that you came here and he's here playing? What a coincidence!' Liam says to me.
Yeah, coincidence.
"He asked me to come, to bring some friends." I explain, still not looking at Harry.
This whole thing really isn't a big deal at all but with Harry, everything is a big deal.
"Anybody want another?" Niall asks, holding up another pitcher of beer.
"Oh." Liam's nose scrunches up in that way that lets me know exactly what he is thinking.
"He shouldn't be inviting you anywhere, he is a professor." Harry frowns, he is obviously annoyed by the fact that he was locked out of the apartment and perhaps that Zayn is here.
"It's not like that. He's a nice guy Harry." I say quietly.
"You think everyone is nice Tess, you are naïve."
"He is a college professor, that would be incredibly unprofessional if there were anything more to this. It's just a show. That's it."
"Sure, Tessa." Harry barks.
"Anyway... let's enjoy the music." Zayn says, looking at Harry.
My hand immediately rests on Harry's thigh in an attempt to make some of the tension disappear, the air is thick with it and my head is beginning to feel fuzzy from the alcohol. Harry glares at Zayn for a few seconds but doesn't say anything.
"We will be back on in ten minutes!" Professor Soto announces through the microphone.
"Probably needs to try to learn how to actually sing." Harry says under his breath.
"How was the game?" I ask him and Liam.
The game must have not gone too bad since Liam is sitting across from me. It's still strange that Liam is here with us, I don't know why Harry brought him but I am glad he did. I wish he could hang out with us more often.
"It was great, we won." Liam beams, then coughs.
"I hate cigarettes." He complains and I nod in agreement.
"I missed you." I lean into Harry's shoulder, he seems to relax slightly.
"Did you now?" He asks timidly, a smile slowly creeping in.
"Yes, I did." I say and feel his hand lay over mine on his leg.
"How much have you had to drink?" He asks.
"Not this again." I roll my eyes playfully and take a large gulp from my glass.
"I'm only asking." His lips are dangerously close to my ear, close enough to make me shiver.
"I can't tell what type of mood you are in." I say so that only he can hear me.
"Neither can I. I'm pissed that you were invited here by your professor, and I'm pissed that he is here." He says, I know he is referring to Zayn. "But I did miss you, and now I am here."
"Okay." I say, I am glad he seems to not want to start a fight tonight. Yet.
"We should play a game of pool." Tristan suggests, nodding over to the row of pool tables a few feet away.
"Yes! Great idea." Steph chimes in.
"Harry, Tessa, you in? There are two tables." Niall says.
"Yeah, I will play." Harry stands up.
"I don't play.." I tell him.
I have never played pool and I am terrible at anything that involves competition, unless it's academic of course.
"I will sit with Liam." I smile.
I don't like the idea of leaving Liam to sit alone anyway, not that he can't handle himself but he will be bored out of his mind, he probably already is.
Harry looks towards the pool tables and back to me like he is measuring the distance, before nodding and following Niall. I was hoping he would kiss me but I wasn't really expecting him to so I am only slightly disappointed when he doesn't.
"So how was the game, really?" I ask Liam when Harry is no longer within ear shot.
"It was good. He behaved himself." Liam laughs.
"Harry? Now I know you are lying." I tease and join him in laughter.
"Do you want a drink or something?" I ask him.
"No, thanks though." He pats his pocket before pulling his phone out.
"Hey babe." As soon as he answers his phone, the music begins again.
"Hold on." He says, covering the mouthpiece.
"It's Danielle, and it's sort of late.. I think I am going to head home, unless you need me to stay?" Liam asks.
I glance over at Harry playing pool with Niall, smiling and leaning down to take his turn.
"No, go ahead. I am glad you came. You should hang out with us more." I smile.
"I don't know about that." He chuckles and says his goodbyes.
After he disappears it occurs to me that I am not left with Zayn and Rebecca. I want to go stand next to Harry while he plays but I also want to finish my drink and enjoy the music.
I choose the second option and fill my glass again. Drinking never turns out well for me but I have already started and Harry seems to be back in a good.. well somewhat good mood.
"How long have you and Harry been together?" Rebecca's voice sounds over the music.
"About four months." I tell her, choosing to just go with the time since we began... whatever that was we were doing in the beginning.
"Wow, that's a long time!" She smiles her perfect smile.
"Not really." I say, Noah and I were together much longer.
"You guys are so cute!" She squeals, resting her head on Zayn's shoulder.
"Yeah.. so are the two of you." I tell her.
Zayn's eyes meet mine but I look away.
"How long have you two been seeing each other?"
"Only a week or so."
"That's good.." I don't know what else to say so I grab my glass and take a drink.
"It's really cool that you two are still friends, most exes hate each other." She looks up at Zayn.
"Who?" I ask.
"You two." She gestures to Zayn and I.
"Oh.. no! We aren't.. we weren't.." I fumble the words.
"We are just friends." Zayn tells her.
"Really? Sorry! I just thought you dated or something. Seems like it." She shrugs.
"No, we didn't." He says again.
Why would she think Zayn and I dated? We have barely spoken all night.
"I'll be right back." I tell them and get up from the table to go to the bathroom.
All of this beer has went straight to my bladder and honestly, I don't want to talk to Rebecca any longer.
I take my time in the bathroom, wiping the excess black liner from under my eyes and reapplying chapstick to my lips. My eyes are slightly bloodshot from drinking but overall I don't look too bad. Not as good as Rebecca, but not bad.
When I walk back out into the dark hallway, I nearly run into someone. The skull patch on the sleeve of the leather jacket lets me know exactly who it is.
"Are you alright?" Zayn asks me.
I take a few steps back before answering.
"Yeah, I am fine." I say.
"You seem.. different?" He raises his brow.
"No, I am just sort of drunk. Why don't you just get back to Rebecca?" I snap then cover my mouth.
Why did I just say that?
"What's wrong with Rebecca?" He asks, crossing his arms.
"Nothing.."
"Why don't you like her?"
"I never said I didn't like her." I defend.
"You have been rude to her all night."
"Not purposely. I was.. I was just annoyed with Harry so I was taking it out on her."
"Oh.. I thought.. Never mind." He runs his fingers through his hair, making the front stick up. He looks like a model.
My mind screams at me to stop my mouth from speaking, but it's not successful.
"You thought what?" I ask.
"I don't know.. that maybe you didn't like her because she is, you know.. here with me?" He is embarrassed but I can tell by his eyes that he has been drinking too.
"No, of course not!" My voice is much more high pitched than intended.
"I mean, no. That isn't why."
"Of course.. I don't know why I said that." He says.
"What's taking so long?" Harry's voice makes me jump.
"Nothing." Zayn answers and walks into the men's bathroom.
'What the hell was that?" Harry asks when I reach him.
"Nothing, he was talking about his date." I tell him.
"What about her?"
"Just about her, are you done with your game?" I ask to change the subject.
"No, I was just checking on you. Liam left then?"
"Yeah, Danielle called him."
"He's so whipped." Harry says.
"So? That's not a bad thing." My temper is heating up, aided by the alcohol.
"Yes it is, the worst really. Let's go so I can finish my game. Don't disappear again, please."
"I didn't disappear. I went to the restroom." Just before I begin to tell him to stop being so damn bossy, he grabs my hand in his and leads me back to the pool tables. Harry wins against Niall and Steph and Tristan are making out against the other table so I assume their game never finished. Zayn is sitting with his arm around Rebecca as she talks in his ear.
The Reckless Few perform their last song and everyone in the room cheers, except Harry of course. I have to admit I was very impressed.
"Thank you all for coming!" Professor Soto says and steps off the stage.
I watch him as he walks towards us.
"Ms. Young! I didn't think you would actually show." He smiles.
Harry's arm wraps around my waist immediately.
"I brought some friends." I gesture to my small group of friends, Steph and Tristan are still kissing of course.
"Really? Thanks. So what did you think? It wasn't too bad right?" He laughs.
"I'm Harry. Her boyfriend." Harry interrupts.
I can tell the professor is confused, and most likely surprised when he looks at Harry. He is probably surprised by my entire group of friends. I clearly stand out next to them.
"I'm Jonah, nice to meet you." Professor Soto says to him, reaching his hand out for Harry to shake.
"You're a professor right?"
"Yeah, but I prefer to be called Jonah outside of the classroom." Prof..Jonah remarks.
"You see your students outside of the classroom often?" Harry asks.
I try to be nudge Harry to get him to stop but he tightens his grip on my waist.
"Yeah, I guess you can say I do." Jonah doesn't seem to be intimated by Harry at all.
"Hmm.. you won't be around this student outside of class." Harry nods towards me.
I inhale too quickly and choke on the smoky air, bringing everyone's eyes from the awkward exchange to me.
"Oh, so you're that type then?" Jonah smirks.
"What type is that?"
"The jealous type." Jonah doesn't even blink as Harry takes a step closer to him, still holding me.
This isn't happening right now between my professor and my boyfriend. How incredibly uncomfortable. I just want a nice calm night with Harry, especially since I am slightly drunk.
"No, I'm the type that makes sure nothing happens to her."
"You're a little overboard don't you think?" Jonah is really asking for it.
I usually feel sorry for whoever is at the other end of Harry's temper, but I am beginning to suspect Jonah can hold his own, even with Harry.
"We should go." I say to Harry, my speech coming out slightly slurred.
"You don't want to do this, trust me." Harry says through his teeth to Jonah.
"I'm not doing anything. Thanks for coming Ms. Young, I will see you in class tomorrow." Jonah smiles and walks away.
"That was intense." Niall says with a laugh.
Niall's face blurs and I blink a few times.
"Let's go." Harry doesn't give me a chance to respond or even say goodbye to anyone before he leads me outside.
"What the fuck was that?" Harry yells as soon as we step into the cold air.
"I don't know! You two were obviously having some sort of pissing contest." I roll my eyes.
"Why did you even accept his invite tonight? You know how fucking stupid that makes me look?" He throws his arms into the air.
"No it doesn't! And stop cussing at me."
"Yes it does! You should have told him to fuck off. Give me the damn keys." He holds his hand out and I drop the keys into it.
"You need to just stop." I groan, my head is already pounding.
"Stop? You are the one who is hanging out with your professor and not to mention Zayn, while I'm not there. Let me guess, fucking Trevor is in the bathroom?" He shouts, unlocking the door and climbing in.
"You are overreacting. I didn't do anything wrong, nothing at all." I remind him, my anger is growing with every glare he shoots my way.
"You... well.. you.. you shouldn't have agreed to come. Did you see the way he was just talking to me? You need to stay away from him. It's obvious what his intentions are."
I bite down on the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from laughing.
"You are just mad that someone actually stood up to you." I say and he stops the car.
"No, Tessa. I am mad because every time I turn around someone is trying something with you and I am fucking sick of it!" He yells, the small space of the car makes his voice much louder.
"No one is trying anything with me! You are the one who made something out of nothing and you are really pissing me off." The alcohol speaks for me.


"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He shouts.
"You know exactly what it means. You don't see us having a future."
"Who said that?"
This is going to be the longest car ride of my entire life.
"You did." I stay calm.
I need to stand up for myself and not let him railroad me.
He looks confused for a second then recovers.
"I heard what you said to Smith, about never wanting to marry me."
"Fuck, of course you did." He sighs.
I stay quiet.
"You already know how I feel about this, I have told you multiple times so why is it that you can't seem to grasp the concept?"
"I just want to know what exactly you see happening between us then?"
"I don't know Tessa, whatever happens will happen."
"That isn't good enough for me." I tell him.
At least we are not yelling anymore.
"Well it has to be because that is what you are getting." He raises his voice.
We weren't yelling...
"You always do this! You say something like that and expect me to just take it and move on. This is my future too, and if there isn't one with you then I need to know now before I waste anymore time with you!" I yell.
"Waste your time? If anyone is wasting their time it's me!" He shouts back as he parks the car.
The second he does, I get out of the car not even waiting for him to turn the ignition off. I hear his boots hitting the concrete after he slams the car door.
"How are you say you are wasting your time!" I turn around.
"Well you certainly aren't! You are just causing problems when there isn't one." He says and we both walk inside the lobby.
Thank goodness the lobby is empty, the last thing we need is an audience.
"I'm not causing a problem, I am trying to talk about our future with you and you think you can just shut it down and not talk about it."
"You think just because you are drunk you can talk to me like that?" He presses the button on the elevator after we step inside.
"I will talk to you anyway that I see fit, just like you do to me." I snap.
I wish I could stand up to him like this when I was sober.
"The dicsussion is over." He walks out of the elevator and I follow him down the hall.
I wait until we get inside to speak again.
"No, it's not. I need to know what you see for us a year from now.. five years from now?"
"I don't know Tess! I haven't thought about it."
Ouch.
"At all?"
"No, I mean sort of. I was thinking the other day that we should go to England soon, but that's about as far in the future as I can go."
"So you are telling me that you have never, not even once thought about our future together, or marriage?"
"What the hell is up with you wanting to talk about marriage all the damn time? Your'e nineteen for god's sake, it's a little suffocating!" He shouts and my stomach turns.
"Suffocating? Really?" I nearly scream.
"Suffocating is when I can't even speak to anyone else without you breathing down my neck! Suffocating?" I repeat.
"Yes! It's actually kind of fucking weird and pyshcotic." He states.
Embarrassment floods through me and I feel the lump in my throat growing.
"Look, all I am saying is that it's way too soon for you to be bringing this shit up." He adds, taking a seat on the couch.
The embarrassment is replaced by anger.
"Too soon? This coming from the guy who had me move in with him after we barely started dating, the same guy who says he can't live without me yet you don't think about our future?"
"You know why I pushed the apartment thing so much." His tone is so neutral and uncaring that I am transported back to my first month in college.
"Wow." Is all I can manage to say.
"That's obviously not why we are still living together, I'm just saying." He shrugs.
"You are always just saying, Harry."
"Why can't you just drop it then?"
"Because.. it sort of hurt my feelings when I heard you say that to Smith. You didn't even hesitate or think about it for a second, you just said no."
"That's what it was.. you were crying weren't you?" He finally realizes.
"Yeah..it was hard to hear you say it, even though I already knew it. I have known it since the moment that we began dating. I have always and will always be more invested in this relationship than you are." I tell him.
It's true though, it has always been this way. Harry dangling the small string of hope in front of me, making me believe that if I just wait a little longer or give him another chance I will be able to reach it, to grab ahold of it and keep it forever when in reality that just isn't going to happen.
"That is complete bullshit and you know it!" He raises his voice once more.
"No! No it's not! I have given up everything for you and given you more chances than you deserve yet you can't see a future with me? It's not fair!"
"You haven't given up shit!" He yells, slamming his fist against the coffee table in front of him. His work binder falls off the table and pages scatter onto the concrete floor.
"Yes I have! And I don't ask much in return, I really don't!"
"Yes you do! You are too needy all the damn time! What do you want Tessa, do you want me to go out and buy a fucking ring and bow down to you asking you to spend the rest of your life with me? Do you want me to tell you I will never leave you and that we will grow old together and have children and live happily ever after? Because I can't fucking do that, nor do I even want to!' He screams.
I knew he wouldn't be happy talking about the situation but a small part of me had hoped that he would tell me I was wrong, that he could see a future with me, even one that didn't include marriage. I had hoped he would at least consider it or make me believe that I wasn't wasting my time.
He is standing emotionless in front of the couch now and the remainder of alcohol in my bloodstream is telling me to slap him across his face, or cry. I cry way too much over him so that isn't an option. Smacking him is not a productive option either.
I thought we were at a different place, at a place that maybe he could listen to me and not say hurtful things just for the sake of saying them. I was obviously wrong.
"All I wanted was you to tell me that you could consider it, that there is a small chance that we could have a future together. I didn't want a ring or a proposal any time soon. I just wanted a promise that you would at least consider doing something for me. You know I have always had a plan for my life, always Harry. You also know that I have shifted and changed my plan according to you, way more than you ever have and it's not okay anymore. There are two people here.. you and I, not only you." I say with as much strength as I can muster.
He doesn't say anything. Not a single word. He just stands there with one hand in his pocket and one laying flat at his side. The only evidence of any emotion is the redness in his cheeks.
"Mr. Vance offered me a job in Seattle." I lie.
"What?" The color drains from his face.
"Would you go with me if I accepted it?"
"When did this happen?" He asks, not answering my question.
"The other day." I continue lying.
"When were you going to tell me?"
"It doesn't matter, you won't come will you?" I can't hold my tears in much longer.
"Say it, go on and answer." I add.
"No, I won't go." He confirms everything I suspected.
"So what are we doing?" I ask, not ready for the answer.
"How did you going to hang out with your professor turn into this?" He groans.
I almost laugh at his audacity. He really just doesn't get it.
"This talk was inevitable. It just happened to come up tonight."
"You don't have to accept the job."
"You are unbelievable."
"Why? Because I don't want to move? We just started a new semester!"
"It has nothing to do with that, you just won't move for me. If it was your career you would expect me to move in an instant. That's what you expect isn't it? That's why you are so careless to discuss the future because your future is the only one you are concerned with. You will live the same and I will just tag along, right?"
"No.."
"Yes, that is exactly it."
"I just don't see the point in moving to Seattle, then moving again next year."
"I already told you I'm not moving to England. I have always wanted to live in Seattle and I want to work in publishing and possibly be an author, you know Seattle is the best place for that."
"It's not only about you."
"It never is."
"I plan to work in publishing too and I don't have a problem doing that in England so why do you?"
"You make no sense at all! You say you haven't thought about our future but you plan on me moving to England with you. Which is it?" I sit down on the chair.
I must admit I am pretty proud of myself for not hysterically crying and giving in. I should have had another drink or two, then I would really let him have it.
"Both. But now you are just pissing me off. I'm over this pointless fucking conversation. If you still want to pester me about a god damn wedding, then you might as well go because this is me. Take it or leave it, like I said if you don't like it, leave."
Instead of crying, telling him I live here too and he can't just make me leave, I walk out of the room and into the bedroom.
Now that he doesn't care if I am even here or not I regret bringing this up to him. I know it had to be done but now that it didn't go the way I wanted it to, it hurts. It hurts that he doesn't care as much as I do, it hurts that he doesn't love me enough to even consider a future with me, and it hurts that I was stupid enough to think he would change. He always said before that he didn't date so that small...foolish and small part of me thought I could change his mind on marriage too.
I wait a few minutes for him to come into the room, not expecting an apology, but still wanting to see him. This is the root of my problem here. The fact that despite the terrible things he says to me, I still want him to be laying in the bed with me.
I change into my pajamas, get out my nook and read, waiting for him to come in the room. Just as I drift to sleep, I hear the front door slam shut but I am too emotionally exhausted to chase him.
Harry's POV.
Fucking Tessa.
She is so god damn infuriating.
I have no idea where the hell I am going but I needed to get out of that apartment. I can't stand to see her upset but tonight was different, she wasn't upset. She was pissed off and wasn't giving in. No matter what shit I threw at her, she kept on coming. It's the alcohol. it has to be.
Alcohol.
I turn the car around and head back towards Canal Street Tavern, I don't want to go there in case Niall and the group are still there but there is a place close by I used to drink all the time. Gotta love Washington and the dumbasses that never ID college kids.
Tessa's voice plays in my mind, warning me not to drink again after last time but I don't give a shit. She pushed me beyond my limits and I need a drink.
Why the hell didn't she tell me about the job in Seattle? Granted, I knew it was coming because of the way Christian praises Tessa's hard work but I didn't expect it to be this soon.
I'm not moving to Seattle, Liam and his shit advice can fuck off. Just because he wants to follow his girlfriend around doesn't mean that I want to. I can see it now, I pack my shit and move to Seattle with her and two months later she decides she has had enough of my shit and she leaves me. Chances of her staying with me in England are much higher, she won't know anyone but me and everything will be on my terms. She will depend on me for everything, down to directions to get down the street. In Seattle, it will be her world not mine and I could be pushed out of it just as easily as I was brought into it.
When I arrive at the bar, the music is low and there aren't many people inside. A familiar blonde stands behind the bar and greets me with a smile.
"Long time, no see Harry. Miss me?" She grins and licks her full lips, remembering our nights together I am sure.
"Yeah, now give me a drink." I respond.
Tessa's POV.
Memories of the fight with Harry replay before I even open my eyes. Anxiously, I walk into the living room expecting him to be sleeping on the couch, but he isn't. I search the apartment for him but he isn't here, he must have woken up early this morning and left before me. As strange as that would be, I prefer to consider that over the alternative that he simply didn't come home.
I don't have the energy to make a real effort in my appearance today so I pull on a WSU t-shirt and jeans. I am tempted to wear yoga pants just to spite Harry, but I can't find them anywhere. Knowing him he probably hid them or put them in the trunk of his car with his endless supply of t-shirts.
I still can't believe the way last night went down and I hope we can discuss it more civilly today now that I am sober and thinking more clearly. I still want everything that I wanted before but I am willing to see if we can meet in the middle, compromise.
Harry doesn't answer when I try to call him and he hasn't responded to any of my text messages by the time I leave to meet Liam at the coffee house before class. I hope that religion class isn't as awkward as last night's exchange between Harry and Professor Soto.
Liam is sitting at a table when I arrive, he gestures to the two drinks in front of him.
"I already got yours." He smiles and lifts the cardboard cup to me.
"Thank you." The sweet yet bitter taste of the coffee dissolves a little of the sick feeling in my stomach. I still haven't heard from Harry.
"Look at you, looking like a regular college student." Liam teases, pointing at my t-shirt.
"Same to you!" I laugh.
He is wearing a WSU sweatshirt and jeans.
"How was your night after I left? Anything interesting happen?" He asks.
"Uhmm.. well not really." I lie, I don't want to talk about it. Not yet at least.
"Same here, I fell asleep almost right after I got home." Liam tells me and we head to class.

"Professor Soto said he will give me the class assignments for this week if I brought my friends to his show, so I will be expecting that today." I smile at Liam.
The ache in my chest grows each hour that I don't hear from Harry. I'm pretty sure he didn't come home at this point, that or he's ignoring me. If anyone should be ignoring anyone, it's me. I know pushing marriage with him isn't something he wants, and I know it's too soon but it's not marriage that I am pushing, its just some type of future. I have been through hell and back for him and he doesn't think about me when it comes to these types of things. I am glad that I stood up to him but I do miss him.
"That's a little odd, don't you think?" Liam says as we enter the classroom for our religion class.
"What is?"
"That he basically bribed you to see him outside of the classroom.."
"It's not like he asked me to come alone or anything." I shrug.
I don't get that creepy, dangerous vibe from Professor Soto at all. If anything, the fact that he stood up to Harry made me respect him more. I am used to everyone being intimidated by him so it's refreshing when someone puts him in his place.
"I still think it's inappropriate." Liam says.
"Okay Harry." I tease, my chest tightening at the use of his name.
"I'm just saying, be careful. Where is Harry anyway? He didn't stalk you to the coffee house this morning." Liam grins.
"He's.. well I don't know actually. He didn't come home last night." I sigh and take my seat in the front row.
"What do you mean he didn't come home, from Canal Place or whatever it's called?"
"Canal Street Tavern.. but no we left there together but he was in a bad mood because he had an awkward exchange with Professor Soto and then we got in a fight over our future and the fact that he doesn't want one with me. He said he wouldn't even move to Seattle with me."
"Wait.. Professor Soto and Harry?" Liam whispers, looking around the room.
"Yeah, it was basically just a pissing contest. Harry was already in a bad mood anyway so that just pushed him over the edge I guess."
"That's really awkward. What makes you think he doesn't want a future with you?" Liam asks.
"He said it. He literally said that he hasn't thought about a future and he doesn't want to then he said that if I don't like it I can leave." I feel embarrassed repeating the hurtful things that he said to me, even to Liam who I trust the most.
"He said that?"
"Yeah, he said that me bringing up marriage to him is psychotic."
"But asking you to move in before anyone even knew you were together isn't?"
"That's exactly what I said. He is so confusing." I rub my temples.
"It's ten after nine, shouldn't class have already started?" The girl behind us says loudly.
When I look up Professor Soto is entering the room, he is wearing a leather jacket over a white button up shirt and tie.
"Morning everyone! Sorry I'm late, I had a late night last night." He smiles and shakes his jacket from his shoulders before throwing it across the back of his chair.
"I hope everyone took the time to either purchase or steal a journal?" He says and Liam and I look at one another and pull our journals out.
It amazes me how unprepared college students are. I should have brought one of my extras for one of my unprepared classmates.
"If not, take out a blank piece of paper because we are going to use the first half of class to work on the first journal assignment. I haven't decided how many there will be exactly but like I said, the journal will make up the majority of your grade so you need to put in at least a little effort." He grins and sits down, putting his feet on the desk.
"I want to know your ideas on faith. What does it mean to you? There is literally no wrong answer here and your personal religion doesn't make a difference. You can take this in many different directions, do you yourself have faith in something higher? Do you feel that faith can bring good things to people's lives? Maybe you think of faith in a completely different way all together, does having faith in something or someone change the outcome of a situation? If you have faith that your unfaithful lover will stop being unfaithful, does that make a difference at all? Does having faith in god.. or a number of god's make you any better of a person than someone who doesn't? Take the topic of faith and do what you want with it, just do something." He says.
My mind is whirling with ideas, I always went to church growing up but I have to admit my relationship with god hasn't always been the strongest. Every time I try to press my pen to the first page of my journal Harry comes to mind. Faith. Have I had too much faith in Harry? If I continue to have faith in him will he change?
I look around the room after a few minutes have passed, everyone seems to be writing. Professor Soto's eyes meet mine as I glance past him.
"If anyone is having trouble writing, stop overthinking it. Whatever it is that comes to your mind first is what you should write. I'm not checking for spelling errors, I'm not going to be judging anyone, what you choose to do with the topic is solely your choice. Just close your eyes and write what you feel." His voice carries through the room.
I look down immediately to no one knows he was talking to me. At least I am pretty sure he was.
"Alright, let's finish up so we can have a small discussion before dismissal." Professor Soto interrupts.
By the time I glance at my page again, I am on my third. Most of what I have written has went straight from my subconscious to the paper, leaving my mind and heart out of it. Somehow a weight has been lifted by writing about my faith in Harry.
Class ends ten minutes early, I am sensing a pattern here.
"Ms. Young, can I speak to you for a moment?" Professor Soto calls as Liam and I reach the door.
I turn back and nod, ignoring the look Liam is giving me. The room is clearing out, leaving only the three of us.
"I'll meet you outside." I say to Liam and walk back towards Professor Soto.
"I just wanted to thank you for coming last night and bringing your friends along, we had a pretty good turn out." He smiles.
"No problem at all."
"I know you only came to get the assignment early." He laughs and hands me a blank sheet of paper.
"What is this?" I ask.
"I'm going to tell you the assignment, did you think I'd write it out for you?" He says, handing me a pen.
"The journal was the big assignment, the other assignment is reading pages six through twenty."
"That's it?" I don't write it anything down.
"Yeah, I told you most of the work would be the journal."
"Yeah.. but that's like no work."
"So an easy A then?" He smirks.
"I suppose.."
"Your boyfriend is very...colorful." Professor Soto adds as I hand him the blank sheet of paper.
"Yeah, he is."
"I don't mean to be too personal here but I was very surprised by him. I knew you had to have a boyfriend, I just didn't expect him to look like that."
"What is that supposed to mean?" My tone tensing.
"I don't mean that in a bad way at all, calm down." He laughs.
"I just thought since you are so..I don't know..put together, your boyfriend would be some kid in a cardigan, not covered in tattoos." He explains and my thoughts go to Noah.
"Oh, yeah. We are complete opposites." I tell him.
"I can tell. Possessive thing, isn't he?" He raises his brow.
"It's not that he's possessive.. it's just.. he gets a little jealous sometimes." I don't know why I am having this discussion with my professor.
"A little? He was practically fuming at the mouth." He laughs and I can't hide my smile because it's true.
"Yeah he was." I agree.
"I'm your professor, he shouldn't be worried about me." He tells me.
"No, all kidding aside, he seems okay. Arrogant as hell but okay all the same. We have another show coming up next week, you and your friends should make another appearance."
"I will see what they think, they enjoyed the music." I say.
"I'll." He corrects me and I try not to roll my eyes.
"I'll see what I can do." I repeat before adjusting my bag and my shoulder and walking towards the door.
"Have a good day Ms. Young." He calls after me.
The rest of the day drags on miserably since I haven't heard from Harry. By one o'clock I have called him three times but he hasn't answered. I hope he's okay and hasn't done anything to make our situation worse. What if he's with Molly? Is the aching thought that keeps popping into my head. I don't think he would go back to her, we are past that. He wouldn't cheat on me. I know he wouldn't.
I'm not sure what to do about my PE class, I am not longer in yoga and Harry hasn't told me if we are in another PE class yet. I should have just stayed in yoga, this is exactly what I'm talking about. He doesn't like the yoga class, so I drop it. If it were the other way around, I would have had no say in it and we would be doing yoga.
I could go to the admissions office and check to see what class I am in, if any, but I just want to go home. I don't like to skip classes, especially not this early in the semester but I'm tired, I'm worried, I'm anxious, I'm angry, and I'm growing more and more paranoid and I just want to leave.
Harry's POV.
"Do you want another cup of coffee? It will help with the hangover." She asks.
"No, I know how to get rid of a hangover. I've had plenty." I growl.
"Don't be a dick, I was just asking." Carly rolls her eyes.
"Stop talking." I rub my temples, her voice is annoying as hell.
"Charming as ever, I see?" She laughs and leaves me alone in her small kitchen.
I am a dumbass for even being here but it's not like I had another option. Yes I did, I'm just trying to not take the blame for anything. I was harsh on her and said some pretty fucked up things and now here I am in Carly's kitchen drinking fucking coffee at one in the afternoon.
"Do you need a ride back to your car?" She yells from the other room.
"Obviously." I respond and she walks into the kitchen wearing only a bra.
"You are lucky that I brought your drunk ass home with me. My boyfriend will be home soon so we need to go." She slides her shirt over her head.
"You have boyfriend? Nice." This keeps getting better. Not.
"Yes I do. It may be surprising to you that not everyone just wants a fuck buddy." She rolls her eyes again.
I almost tell her about Tessa but I decide against it, it's not of her business.
"I gotta piss first." I tell her and walk to the bathroom.
My head is pounding and I'm pissed at myself for coming here. I should be at home, well on campus, but I should be thinking of a way to explain my dickhead actions from last night.
I hear my phone buzzing on the counter and snap back around.
"Don't you dare answer that." I bark at Carly and she takes a step back.
"I'm not! You weren't this big of an asshole last night." She remarks, I ignore her.
As we are driving back to the bar I got shit faced in last night I keep rereading the texts from Tessa, over and over again. I should have replied at least, telling her I fell asleep in the car or some shit. That's what I'll do, at least she won't be left to her imagination.
*I fell asleep in the car after drinking too much, I'll be home soon.* I send and wait for a reply.
I can't tell her about this, about staying at Carly's house. She will never forgive me, she won't even hear me out. I know she won't. I can tell she is getting tired of my shit lately. I know she is. I just don't have a fucking clue how to fix it.
"Damn it, we have to go around. There's a wreck." She complains and turns onto a side street.
I glance up to observe the wreckage, it doesn't seem too bad. A middle aged man stands with his hands in his pockets while talking to a police officer. The officer points to a silver car just like..
"Stop the car." I panic.
"What?"
"I said stop the god damn car!" Without thinking, I open the door as the car comes to a stop and rush over to the sight of the accident.
"Where is the other driver?" I ask the officer and look around the scene.
The front end of the car is clearly damaged but I can see the WSU parking pass hanging from the rearview mirror. Fuck. An ambulance is parked next to the police car. Fuck.
If something happened to her.. if she isn't okay...
"Where is the girl? Someone fucking answer me!" I scream.
"There." The man points to the ambulance and my heart stops beating.
The ambulance doors are open and Tessa is sitting on the back of it with an icepack on her cheek.
Thank god.
"What happened? Are you okay?" The words tumble from my mouth and relief takes over her features at the sound of my voice.
"I had an accident." She says, above her eye is a small bandage and her lip is swollen and split on the side.
The young woman EMT is standing between us.
"Can you go?" I ask rudely.
She nods and walks away quickly.
I reach for the icepack and move it, revealing a knot the size of a golf ball. Her cheeks are stained with tears and her eyes are swollen and red. She will have a black eye, I can already see it forming under her skin.
"Fuck, are you okay? Was it his fault?" My eyes search for that asshole.
"No, I ran into him." She says, wincing as she presses the icepack back to her cheek.
"What are you even doing out? You didn't go to class today?" I ask.
"Yeah, I did. Where were you?" She frowns.
"Can I go? You can walk back to your car from here right? I really need to get back home." Carly says and Tessa's eyes focus behind me.
"Who is that?" She asks me.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Not this, not now.
"I'm Harry's friend Carly. Can I go now?" Carly asks.
"Bye Carly." I snap in an attempt to shut her up.
"He was with you last night at your place?" Tessa asks her.
I try to make eye contact with Tessa but she continues to stare at Carly.
"Yeah, I was trying to take him back to his car."
"Where is his car?" Tessa's voice shakes.
"Carly, go." I say again.
"No, tell me where his car is." Tessa stands up and her knees buckle nearly causing her to fall.
I grab ahold of her elbows in an attempt to hold her up but she pushes me away, whimpering from the pain of her injuries.
"Don't touch me!" She says through her teeth.
"Where is his car?" She asks her again.
"The bar that I work at. I'm going now.." Carly answers and raises her hands before walking away.
"Tess.." I plea for her to listen to me.
Too much is happening at once with the fight last night, me leaving, this accident, Carly, Tessa meeting Carly.
Why am I such a fuck up?
"Get away from me." She says, her cheek indents and I can tell she is biting down on it, to hold in her tears I'm sure.
I'm beginning to miss the days of her constant crying now that she is trying to appear emotionless.
"Tessa, we have.." I begin and my voice cracks.
Now I am the emotional one, and for once I don't care. The panic from seeing the front end of her car smashed still courses through me and I don't want anything more than to hold her right now.
"Go now or I will tell them to make you." She threatens, referring to the police officers.
"I don't give a fuck about them, you need to listen to me."
"I am done listening to you! You are who you are, remember? I knew it! I knew all morning that you were with someone else, I was just trying to force myself not to believe it."
"We can work this out, we always have." I beg.
"Do you not see that I was just in an accident? I am in a lot of pain right now, and you are magnifying it by being here. And honestly, you spending the night with her hurts a thousand times more than any of this!" She finally begins to sob and I welcome her tears.
"Tessa, please. I had a lot to drink and I couldn't drive.."
"Don't you even try to make excuses for.."
"Is everything okay over here? We need to get you to the hospital, just to check everything out. It shouldn't take long once the paperwork is over with." The EMT says.
"I'm ready now." Tessa tells her, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"Will you be accompanying her?" The woman asks me.
"No. He will not." Tessa answers for me.
"I.." I say.
"No, he will not." She repeats and attempts to climb into the back of the ambulance.
"Don't." She nearly kicks at me when I try to help her.
The woman gives me sympathetic look that I certainly don't deserve. This is my damn fault. All of it. The ambulance doors slam and I am left standing in the middle of the street. Alone.

I wait patiently as the doctor and nurse both insist I get almost every inch of my body examined or scanned. They keep reminding me that at my speed of twenty miles an hour, my injuries could be so much worse. Twenty miles and hour seems slow until you ram into the back of a still car going that speed.
Nearly two hours pass when I am finally done being poked and x-rayed. I keep thinking that maybe Harry will burst through the door and force his explanation on me. He will tell me that he didn't and wouldn't ever sleep with that girl, he loves me, and that he can see a future with me. He will hold me and kiss my bruises and scrapes and tell me how sorry he is for being so cruel. After another half hour passes, I begin to realize how unlikely and pathetic that is.
I didn't want to call Liam and have him leave school but I really don't want to be alone at the moment and he's the only person that will be there for me. He's my best friend.
"I am so glad you are okay! What happened?" Liam asks as he walks into the small hospital room.
"It wasn't that bad.. I wasn't paying attention I guess so when the guy in front of me stopped, I didn't notice." I explain.
"Everything looks fine, you will be pretty banged up for a little while. You have a slight concussion and a lot of bruising. You need to take this medication regularly for pain and apply the ointment to the cut above your eye, other than that you are good to go." The doctor tells me.
If only he could give me something for the throbbing hole in my chest.
"Can we go then?" I ask and he nods.
"Did you call Harry?" Liam asks.
"He was there." I reply.
"What do you mean? In the car?"
"No, he was there afterwards. With another girl."
"What?"
"He stayed at her house last night, that's where he was." I stand from the hospital bed and wrap the robe around myself so that my gown doesn't open in front of Liam.
"No."
"Yes. I saw her and she told me. I don't know why I keep putting myself through this." My fingers run through my hair but I stop and wince.
"Everything hurts." I whine and Liam tries to smile but fails miserably.
I can tell he wants to say something else about Harry, but he doesn't. Instead, he helps me stand and hands me my clothes so that I can change and get the hell out of here.
"I'll be right back." I tell him and go inside the small bathroom.
Once my clothes are on I take a look into the mirror. I don't know what to think right now and I can't think clearly even if I try because of all the pain mediation I have just taken. My image is distorted, lumps and bruises cover my face and neck. A welt from the seatbelt I was thankfully wearing shows on my shoulder and I scold myself for being so careless while driving. I will need to call my insurance company tomorrow and find a way to come up with the money for my deductible since the wreck was my fault. I have a good amount of money saved since Harry insists on paying most of the bills. Harry's infidelity tries to fight it's way to the surface of my mind but I push it back with all the strength that I can. I am sick of being the victim, or behaving like one. This happens to people all of the time and it's not like I couldn't see this coming, but it still hurts. I am always so quick to forgive him after everything he does to me, all the lies, the bet, the secrets, the hurtful comments, all of it. I always give in and he never does.
Who is Carly girl anyway? She said she was his friend but I've never heard him talk about her before and he doesn't have many "friends" anyway. She probably meant friends with benefits.
I don't know whether to go home or not, I don't even have a car. If my car wasn't an old car and I had full coverage insurance, I could get a rental through my insurance, but of course I can't. Hopefully the car will be fixed quickly. I still have no way to get to Vance tomorrow, or campus the next day. At lease it's Wednesday, only half the week to go.
I pull my hair back from my face and begin to tie a band around it, quickly changing my mind when I see how visible my injuries really are.
"I'm ready." I tell Liam when I emerge from the bathroom.
"Thank you again for coming, I literally have no one else to call. I know you don't like to miss class." I say.
"Don't be silly, I'm just glad you're okay." He smiles and holds his hand out to help me walk.
My knee hurts the worst I think, except my head, or my shoulder. Hell, I don't know, it all hurts.
"What were you doing anyway when you hit him?" Liam asks.
"Well phone went off.." I bite my busted lip in embarrassment.
"Tessa!" He scolds me.
"I know, but I hadn't heard from Harry all day and I thought it would be him."
"Was it?"
"I don't know, hand me my phone." I say and he reaches into his pocket to hand me my phone and my bracelet.
I decline the bracelet for now but turn my cell phone on.
*I fell asleep in the car after drinking too much, I'll be home soon.* The message from Harry reads.
"Wow." I whisper, reading the message over and over.
If he wasn't doing anything wrong, he wouldn't have sent me this text. This lie. My heart sinks and I show Liam the text and he shakes his head before I turn the phone off and put it in my back pocket.
"Where to?" Liam asks.
"I don't know.. I don't have a car." I am beyond frustrated.
"Do you want to come to my house? You can stay there for a little while until.."
"Unitl what? I forgive Harry and go crawling back to the apartment?" I ask, a little too harshly.
"I didn't mean it like that."
"That's what you meant though, isn't it?"
"I don't want you to be mad at me..but that's sort of what always happens." He says quietly.
"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad because I know you are right. " I sigh.
He doesn't say anything else as we walk into the cold air. It's refreshing really, the cold breeze feels great against my hot and torn skin.
"Can you just take me.."
"Theresa!" My mothers voice interrupts.
Not now.
"Oh my god Theresa are you okay?" When I look up my mother is rushing towards me, her heels clanking against the hard concrete.
"I'm fine, it was a minor accident." I answer.
I don't have the energy to deal with her right now.
"I was so worried, I got here as fast as I could." She wraps her arms around me, too tightly causing me to flinch.
"I'm sorry. I have just had the longest drive of my life. As soon as they called, I rushed out of the house." She tells me while wearing a wrinkle free dress, perfect hair, and full makeup.
"Okay." I respond.
"Who's this?" She turns her award winning smile to Liam.
"I'm Liam, it's nice to meet you." He politely answers. Traitor.
"It's very nice to meet you." She smiles at him, then looks at me.
"He's Harry's stepbrother." I add, pouring water on her fire.
"Oh..where is Harry?" She grimaces.
"Working." I lie.
"Hm.. okay, well anyway. Have you eaten? We should go get lunch before I take you back home."
"I'm not going to your house. I have my internship tomorrow."
"I know dear, I meant your house." She says, she is being way too nice.
"What do you say? The three of us can go get some lunch?" My mother asks.
"I actually.." Liam begins to try to get out of it.
"We will come." I say before he can finish.
He looks incredibly uncomfortable and I feel guilty but with Harry spending the night with another girl and the accident, I can't face her alone. I just can't.
I mouth "sorry" to Liam as we walk further into the parking lot but he brushes it off with a roll of his eyes.
"Where would you like to go? How about Chinese?" She suggests.
"Sure." I groan.
When Harry isn't standing in the parking lot to beg for my forgiveness, the disappointment is crushing me but maybe it's a good thing that he isn't. I can't keep going in circles with him. He have been through so much and I have forgiven him for so much. I may be irrational and emotional but at least I care about him, he literally never shows emotion. He says cold and hurtful things and appears completely unaffected. Even a few hours ago when Carly admitted he stayed with her, he just said that we can work it out, we always do. Basically what he meant was "You'll forgive me, you always do."
For a moment I thought I saw a hint of emotion, just a flicker before it disappeared, only to be replaced with a scowl.
If seeing me sitting in the back of an ambulance, regardless of my minor injuries, didn't do it for him then I suspect nothing will.
Harry's POV.
By the time I walk back to the apartment, my head is pounding. I should have ignored Tessa's request and forced my way into the ambulance with her. Instead, I stood there like a dumbass and watched it pull away.
The apartment is cold and feels empty. There was something in her eyes when she wished me away that worries me. She always forgives me whether I deserve it or not. Granted, this time should be her last straw but I sure fucking hope it isn't. Carly just had to get out of her damn car.
I don't know whether she will listen to me or not but there's only one way to find out. I grab my keys and walk back out of the apartment.
I don't even know which hospital she is going to be at, or if she will even be there since I just sat at on the couch for an hour deciding what the hell I should do next.
Grandview, that's the closest hospital so I will go there first.
If I could go back and erase everything I did in the last twenty four hours I would. I shouldn't have been so harsh about the future but we just don't want the same things. I can't give her everything that she needs and I know it. She knows it, she is just hoping that someday I will. I love her more than breathing but I can't promise her anything.
I know that I'm not good enough for her and she will realize that sooner or later.
I don't know what I'm going to say when I see her but I hope she comes to me with open arms, I need her. I desperately need her to tell me everything is okay and she will listen to me. She should know that I would never fuck anyone else. I just had too much to drink, way too damn much to drink and Carly took me back to her place. Yes, Carly and I used to fuck on occasion and she was an incredible lay but that doesn't mean shit compared to Tess. Tessa is everything to me and I won't let her stubborn nature and my asshole tendencies get in the way of that.
If she would just stop trying to fight me all the time, if she would just agree to move with me and shut the hell up about Seattle we would be fine.
When I finally arrive at Grandview I park in the very back of the lot, I will pull the car up for Tessa so she doesn't have to walk far. If she even agrees to come with me, that is. As soon as I step out of the car that's when I see them. Liam, Tessa, and her mum.
Her mother hugs her and Tessa pulls away slightly. Why the fuck does her mother out of all people have to be here? I can't say shit in front of her mum, well I can but we will just end up fighting in front of Tessa, especially considering what my last words for her were before I slammed the door in her face.
And Liam, why does Liam always have to come to the rescue? Doesn't he have his own god damn girlfriend to take care of. I find myself wishing he would take his sappy ass to New York so I would stop looking like the bad guy all the damn time.
She trusts him, that's why he's here. Her trust for him is much stronger than her trust for me, and rightfully so. If Liam was her boyfriend he would be hugging her tight against his chest while whispering sweet words into her ear to comfort her. That's what she needs. Not me, the asshole who can't go a week without fucking up.
I need to take a second to decide what I'm going to do next. Should I run up to her and tell her how sorry I am in front of Liam and her mum? Or should I just get in the car and leave, pretending to never come here at all?
When Tess smiles at Liam I climb into my car and drive away before I risk them seeing me.
Tessa's POV.
Liam drives separately, leading the way and I stare out the window of my mother's car as we drive to lunch. This is the last thing I want to be doing right now yet I can't think of what I would be doing if I wasn't doing this.
I wish I had the type of mother who could take one look at me and tell something is wrong. The type who would coax me to tell her and hug me as I cry into her shoulder. The type that would tell me everything will be okay, even if it won't. Instead I have to pretend that nothing is going on so that she wont throw it in my face and remind me how foolish I am.
"Have you spoken to Noah lately?" She asks, proving my point.
"No mother, I have not."
"I thought he would want you to know he got accepted into WSU early admission for the summer semester, only a few months from now." She informs me.
"I thought he was going to San Francisco?" I turn to look at her.
"No, WSU offered him a full soccer scholarship."
"Oh."
If I would have stayed away from Harry, Noah and I could be happy together at college just like we had planned in only a few short months. If I loved him that is.
"He's seeing someone." She adds.
I wait for the slightest pang of jealousy to come but it doesn't.
"Really? Who?"
"I'm not sure but Mrs. Porter seems to really despise the girl. However, they are taking her on their ski trip this year, next week actually."
The Porters take a trip down to Mammoth Lake in California where they own a huge cabin, larger than my mother's house. I have never been but had always been invited.
"Do you mind that he is seeing someone?" She asks.
"No, not at all. As long as he is happy." I say and mean it.
"Liam seems like a nice boy."
"He is, so is Harry." I know where she is going with this so I shut her down before she can start.
"I wouldn't say that."
"I have had a long enough day mother, if you are going to talk about Harry all day then you can let me out of the car now."
"I'm not. You were never this disrespectful before."
"That's because I never stood up for myself and now I am. I'm sick of everyone thinking they can walk all over me. It's bullshit."
"Who's everyone? It doesn't sound like you're only referring to me."
"I'm just saying in general." I groan.
I refuse to give her the satisfaction of letting her know about Harry and Carly.
She pulls into the lot behind Liam and parks the car. The hour that we are inside eating really isn't as bad as I thought, maybe because I am trying to focus on everything that Liam and my mother are talking about so I don't think about Harry and what the hell I am going to do next. I turn on my phone for the slight chance that there will be a voicemail or text message from Harry.
The thing that is bothering me the most is that he has me exactly where he wants me. I live with him, all of my friends are his, except Liam who is his step-brother, my classes revolve around him, my internship revolves around him. My entire life revolves around him and his life has been unaltered. If I left him, nothing would change for him but for me, everything would. I have nothing without him and I hate that. I hate him for continuing to hurt me and I hate myself for allowing it.
While Liam talks about Danielle's beautiful smile, I try to come up with a plan for my future. Without Harry.
"Do you want to do some shopping after this?" My mother asks after she pays for lunch.
"I really just want to sleep." I tell her and she nods.
"Of course." She smiles.
What is with her being so nice today?
"I'm going to run to the restroom before we go. It was so nice to meet you Liam, I hope I see you again." She hugs him and I cringe.
"You too, maam." Liam responds. Why does he have to be so polite.
"Thank you for coming, I don't think I could have survived that alone." I say when she disappears.
"It's not like I had a choice." He tells me with a small smile.
"You seemed to get along." I tease.
"No, I just know how to work with parents." He brags and I laugh.
Laughing feels odd in comparison to how I feel on the inside.
"Where are you going to go?" He asks.
"I have no idea. I can't keep letting history repeats itself. He hasn't even tried to call me." I tell him, holding my phone in the air.
"You can stay with us, you know that."
"I know, I don't have a car though."
"We have plenty of cars, well Ken and my mother do." He offers.
"I'm not driving their cars! I already bug you guys enough." I tell him.
"Don't be silly, we would do anything for you. You know that." He says and I wrap my arms around him.
Harry once told me that I was the only constant in his life, Liam is the only in mine.
"Maybe you should hang out with her for a little while before you decide, do you really have the energy to fight with Harry right now?" Liam says.
"No, but I don't have the energy to keep up appearances with my mother either." I sigh.
"But I guess you are right." I say as she walks up to us.
My body is aching and so is my chest but I can't face Harry right now, I'm not ready for what I know will happen.
Harry's POV.
I crack open my fourth beer and spin the cap under my finger against the glossy wooden table. When is she going to be here? Is she going to be here?
Maybe I should just text her and tell her that I did have sex with Carly, just to end both of our misery.
A loud knock on the door breaks me from my plotting, I grab my beer, take another swig and head for the door. Here we go. I hope she is alone.
The knocking quickly shifts to pounding and I swing open the door to find Liam.
His hands grip the collar of my t-shirt and he slams me against the wall.
What the fuck?
He is much stronger than I ever expected and I am astounded by his aggressive behavior.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" He yells.
I didn't know his voice could even get that loud.
'What are you talking about? Get the fuck off of me!" I push back but he doesn't move.
Fuck he's strong.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about!"
"You don't know shit!" I yell back.
He lets go of me and for a second I think he is going to punch me but he doesn't.
"I know that you slept with another girl and you caused her to wreck her car!" He gets in my face again.
"I suggest you lower your fucking voice." I snap.
"I'm not afraid of you." He says through his teeth.
What the fuck.
"I already beat your ass before remember?" I remind him.
"I wasn't as angry then as I am now with you." He threatens.
"Why do you even care?" I shout.
"Because you can't just go around hurting her all the time!"
"I didn't even sleep with that girl. I just slept over at her house so mind your own damn business."
"Oh wow! Of course you are drinking!" He waves towards the empty beer bottles on the table and the one in my hand.
"Tessa is all banged up and has a concussion because of you and here you are getting drunk. You're such a prick!" He practically screams.
"That wasn't my fucking fault and I tried to talk to her!"
"Yes it was your fault! It was your damn text message that she was trying to read when she crashed. A text that was a lie may I add." He tells me and the breath is knocked out of me.
"What are you talking about?" I choke.
"You text her saying you fell asleep in your car and she was trying to read it when she wrecked."
I had forgotten about that text. This is my fault. How did I not put it together? And she read it, then found out the truth. She must be heartbroken. Once again.
"She's done with you, you know that don't you?" He adds.
"Yeah. I know."

Tessa's POV.
"So how is school coming along? It's been a while since you've spoken to me." My mother says as we pull into the mall.
My knee is killing me and the last thing that I want to do is walk around the mall with my mother.. no the last thing I want to do is go to the apartment and face Harry. I know what I have to do, I just don't think I'm ready to do it.
"It's okay. I just started a new semester." I tell her.
It's really strange to be having such a civil conversation with her right now but it's better than fighting.
"That's good. How are things with Harry?" She asks.
"Do you want to go there?" I respond.
"No, I guess I don't. Let's just get you some new clothes." She fakes a smile and we head inside.
The entire trip is a blur and my head begins to pound by the time my mother has tried on at least ten dresses at Sak's.
"Let's go to Macy's then we will go." She says after deciding none of them are up to par.
"No." I hastily respond.
"Why not? You love Macy's."
"No.. I don't."
All I can think of is Harry and I in Macy's.
"Okay..well can you wait outside while I go inside because I happen to still like Macy's." She says and I nod.
She would have me waiting outside of a store the same day I got a concussion. I take a seat on the bench outside of the store and wait for my mother. I could have just went in because I can't stop thinking about him anyway.
I will have to have my mother take me to get my clothes unless I have Liam come pick me up. I don't want Liam to think I'm using him since I am already staying at his house. This isn't a good time for me to finally stand up to Harry, he should have waited to cheat on me until I got my car fixed.
I laugh at my stupidity and pick at the small tear in the new jeans my mother insisted she buy me, apparently ripped and blood stained jeans aren't acceptable to walk around the mall in. I find it oddly amusing that these new jeans aren't perfect either and I picture my mothers expression as she sees the tear. Maybe it's the pain pills that have me giggle to myself.
"Tessa?" A female voice says.
When I look up Rebecca is standing in front of me with a Starbucks cup in one hand and a shopping bag in the other.
"Hey." I manage a smile.
"What happened girl?" She sits next to me.
"I was in an accident. Just a fender-bender." I explain.
I hope my mother doesn't take too long.
"Wow, that really sucks."
"Yeah, I guess." I don't know what to say to her.
"They didn't have much, now I see why you no longer shop here." My mother says as she walks up to us.
"I need to go, Mark from my office just called and I need to get back. Are you ready?" She asks then notices Rebecca.
"Hi, I'm Tessa's mother."
"I'm her friend Rebecca." She smiles at my mother. Friend? No.
"Oh, do you think you could give her a ride home? I really need to go and I have a two hour drive ahead of me." My mother asks Rebecca.
"No, that's.." I begin to say.
"Sure, that's fine." Rebecca smiles.
Great. This day couldn't possibly get worse.
"Thank you so much! And Theresa if you need anything, just call me or come home." She says while hugging me and kissing my cheek.
Her behavior today has been so confusing.
"Okay.." I answer slowly and hug her back.
After she disappears Rebecca smiles at me and offers me a drink of her strawberry Frappuccino. Who does that? I don't even know her, why would I drink after her?
"I'm really sorry she asked you to do this, I could have called my friend. I still can if this puts you out or messes with your plans." I tell her.
"No! It's fine really! I don't mind at all. I'm sure you've had a long enough day." She smiles.
"You have no idea." I reply and stand from the bench.
I am going to have to dig some more pain pills out of my bag when I get to the apartment. Then what? I will need to call Liam I guess.. unless I have Rebecca take me home then to Liam's? That's a lot to ask this girl that I don't even know.
"I'm sure Zayn won't mind if we make a stop or two." She says and my stomach drops.
"Zayn is with you?" I gape.
"Yeah, he's in Zumiez right now."
"Oh." I try to act like this information doesn't matter.
Why should it?
It doesn't really, I just don't want to see anyone else today, especially someone who reminds me of Harry.
"We can meet him there now if you're ready, you are limping." She looks back at me.
"Yeah. That's fine." I should have just called Liam.
When we meet Zayn in the store he is wearing a plain white shirt with cut off sleeves and his leather jacket is tied loosely around his waist. His black jeans hang loosely, much looser than Harry's and his high top boots are barely tied. Him and Rebecca really do look good together I suppose, she is incredibly beautiful.
"Tessa? What the hell?" Zayn's eyes grow wide at my appearance.
"She was in a wreck." Rebecca tells him and wraps her arm around his waist.
"A wreck? Are you okay? Jesus, look at your face." He says, taking in my injuries.
"Thanks." I grumble and he smiles.
"Sorry, it just caught me off guard. You're okay though right?" He asks, concern clear in his voice.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"I told her mom I would take her home." Rebecca chimes in, moving closer to Zayn.
"Oh?" He questions.
"Yeah, my mother was here because of the accident and she had to leave and Rebecca was there and she asked her. I can call Liam though and have him come." I ramble.
"Where's Harry?" Zayn asks the inevitable question.
"He's..uhm,. well.." I stutter.
"Never mind. It's cool either way." Zayn says, letting me off the hook.
If anyone is used to Harry and I's rollercoaster relationship, it's Zayn. He was the one who said that we both need to get our shit together, he was right.
Rebecca's car is nice but messy inside. I cringe as trash crunches under my feet in the backseat.
"Where do you live?" She asks as she takes Zayn's hand onto her lap.
I stare out the window and am thankful when Zayn begins to give her directions to my apartment. When she pulls up outside Zayn opens his door and climbs out.
"What are you doing?" I ask him.
"Walking you up, you flinch every time you take a step, you think I'm going to let you walk up there yourself?" He asks.
'"I don't know if.."
"I'll be fine." He says, and I hope Harry isn't home.
Harry's POV.
"You can leave now." I tell Liam and reach for my beer.
He snatches it from my hand and walks into the kitchen.
"You're really fucking pushing it." I warn him.
"You are being an idiot and you know it. You're here getting shit faced while she is hurt and you don't even care!" He yells.
"Stop yelling at me, fuck!" I twist my fingers into my hair, tugging at the roots.
"I do care. But she isn't going to believe me." I add.
"Do you blame her? You should have just came home, or how about this, never left at all?" He says.
"Well I did so let's not play the what-if game."
"How can you be so uncaring? She loves you so much."
"Now she does." I pick up an empty bottle of water and move it slowly in my hands.
"What is that supposed to mean?" He looks toward the couch to sit down but seems to change his mind.
"Nothing. I just don't know what to do except apologize. She is stubborn as hell."
"You haven't even apologized, you haven't tried to talk to her at all."
"I will when she comes home without her mum."
"She isn't coming home, she's staying with us." He tells me.
The water bottle crunches and collapse in my hand from my grip.
"What?"
"Yeah, I told you she was done with you." He throws in my face.
God I want to fucking hit him.
"I know she is but she is staying here."
"See that's your problem! You always assume she will do everything you say!" Liam shouts.
Enough with the fucking shouting.
"She doesn't need.." Keys jingle from the hall and the door opens.
Tessa.
And Zayn.
I can't see straight as I get up and move towards the door.
"What the fuck is this shit?" I scream.
Tessa takes a step back and catches herself on the wall behind her.
"Harry stop!" She yells at me.
"No! Fuck this! I am sick of you coming around every time shit goes down!" I shove my hands against his chest.
"Stop it!" Tessa yells again.
Her lip is even more swollen than it was earlier and her face is covered in bruises, reminding me that this is my fault.
"Please." She says, then looks at Liam.
"What are you doing here?" She asks him.
"I..I came to talk to him." He lies.
"He came here trying to fight me actually." I tell her and her eyes nearly come out of their sockets.
"What?" Her busted mouth is wide open.
"I'll tell you later." Liam says to her.
Zayn is breathing hard and he is staring at her. How could she bring him here after everything? Of course she would go running to him.
"Thanks for bringing me home, you better go." She turns to Zayn.
"Are you sure?" He asks her.
"Get the fuck out, don't you have a girlfriend of your own to bother?" I ask and the brunette from the other night takes a step inside the apartment.
Shit. Okay then. Even if he has a girl with him I still don't want him around Tessa. I know how he feels about her, hot girlfriend or not.
"Thank you again for bringing me home." Tessa says to the two of them.
Rebecca looks slightly afraid and Zayn looks as pissed as ever as they leave the apartment, shutting the door behind them.
I can't control my anger as Tessa turns to me with a scowl on her face.
"I'm getting my clothes and I'll be ready." She tells Liam and walks into the bedroom.
I follow her of course.
"Why did you call him for a ride?" I shout behind her.
"I didn't call him! I was at the mall with my mother and Rebecca was there and she somehow got volunteered to take me home because my mother had to leave. Not that it's any of your business." She snaps.
"Of course it's my business! Let me guess you were quick to tell him how fucked up I am." I growl back at her.
"No! I didn't tell him anything actually, but I'm sure he already knows that."
"Are you going to let me explain my side of this or are you going to jump to conclusions like you always do?" I ask her.
"The conclusions are usually right! But yeah go ahead and explain!" She remarks, attempting to pull her suitcase from the top shelf in the closet.
"Move." I say.
I walk over and gently move her out of the way to grab it for her.
"I shouldn't have left last night." I tell her.
"Really?" She sarcastically says.
"Yes really. I shouldn't have left and I shouldn't have drank so much but I didn't cheat on you. I wouldn't do that. I only slept at her house, that's it." I explain.
"Then why lie?"
"I don't know.. because I knew you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"You could have at least tried. It's really hard to believe you when you blatantly lie Harry."
"I know, I'm sorry okay?" I put my arms in the air.
"No it's not okay! You always do this! You expect me to just forgive you for everything. I'm still not over what you said about our future.. well non existent future, then you go and stay out all night at another girl's house and lie about it."
"It's not that big of a deal, I didn't do anything with her." I defend myself as she neatly places her clothes into the suitcase.
"So what if I got wasted and stayed the night at Zayn's house? What would you do?" She asks me and the thought nearly sends me over the edge.
"I'd fucking kill him."
"So it's not a big deal when you do it, only if it were me?" She calls me out on my double standard.
"None of this even matters, you made it clear that I am only temporary in your life." Tessa says.
She walks out of the room and into the bathroom across the hall to get her toiletries. She really is going with Liam to my father's house. This is bullshit. She isn't temporary to me, how could she even think that? Probably because of all the shit I said to her last night and my lack of words today.
"You know I'm not going to let this go." I tell her when she zips her suitcase.
"Well I am leaving."
"Why? You know you'll be back." My anger speaks for me.
"That's exactly why I'm leaving." She says, her voice shaky as she grabs her suitcase and leaves the room without looking back.
Why the hell did I just say that?
"I'll carry that." I hear Liam tell her from the living room just before the front door opens. As it slams shut, I lean my back against the wall and slide to the floor.
Tessa's POV.
"He didn't even try, Liam." I finally begin to sob as Liam closes the car door for me.
"He's just..I don't know what his problem is. He takes one step forward and two steps back." He shakes his head and starts the car.
"This feels like the twentieth time I have left him."
"It is." He smiles.
"I'm an idiot, aren't I?"
"No Tess, you're not."
"Then why isn't this working? No matter what I do I feel like he fights back and continues to push me away. One day he's writing me a letter.." I forgot the letter. Of course I did. If he throws it away I will be crushed.
"Then the next he's telling me if I don't like what he's saying, he can leave." I finish.
"Hasn't he always done this though? Not judging, just asking."
"Yeah he's always done this back and forth but lately it was like there was a breakthrough or something after Nat..after everything over Christmas break." I explain without disclosing the information about Natalie.
"And thank you for not judging me." I say.
"I would never judge you, I don't necessarily agree with your relationship but I know how much you love him and I am not going to make you feel bad for it." He tells me.
What could I have possibly done to have someone like Liam in my life. He is always there for me, never judges me, and he genuinely cares for me. I can't imagine if I were going through all of this mess without him.
"Did you really try to fight him?" I ask him.
"Yeah.. I don't know what came over me but he actually seemed frightened for a moment." He says and we both burst into laughter.

To be continued..

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