Sunday, 17 June 2018

AFTER ROMANCE 2 Episode 51-55

Harry's POV.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea." I whisper to Tessa.
She turns around in my lap and puts her index finger over my lips to silence me.
"What's wrong Harry, afraid of a little dare.. or is it the truth that you fear?" Molly asks with a sly smile. What a fucking cunt.
"You are the one that should be afraid." Tessa growls and I am taken aback.
"Really?" Molly raises her brow.
"Okay..okay.. calm down you two." Niall says.
I was enjoying watching Tessa put Molly in her place but I don't want Molly to take it too far. Tessa is a lot more fragile and sensitive than Molly and Molly will say anything she can to hurt Tessa.
"Who goes first?" Tristan asks.
"Me." Tessa raises her hand.
Oh lord, this is going to be a fucking disaster.
"I think that I should go first." Steph interjects.
Tessa sighs but sits silently, bringing her cup to her lips. Her lips are slightly pink from the cherry drink and all I can't help but picture them around me.
"Harry, truth or dare?" Steph breaks me from my perverted thoughts.
"I'm not playing." I tell her.
"Why not?" She asks.
"I don't want to, I have played more than enough lame ass games." I groan.
"Isn't that the truth." Molly mutters.
"That isn't what he meant, back off." Tristan defends me.
Why did I ever fuck Molly again? She's hot and was decent at giving blow jobs but she's so damn annoying. The memory of her touching me makes me nauseous so I quickly replace her with Tess in my thoughts.
"Okay, Niall. Truth or dare?" Steph asks.
"Dare." He answers.
"Hmm.. I dare you to go kiss that blonde in the blue shirt." Steph points to a tall girl wearing bright red lipstick.
"Can't I kiss her friend instead?" He begs.
The girl next to the blonde has long curly hair and deep brown skin. She is much prettier than the blonde so for Niall's sake I hope Steph allows the change.
"Nope, blondie it is." Steph laughs.
"You are evil." He groans and everyone laughs as he walks toward the girl.
Daring one another to do stupid things like this is just pointless. I never minded before but then again I have never wanted to only kiss one person only. I never want to kiss anyone except Tessa ever again.
As Niall walks back with red lipstick stained around his lips, I now get why Tessa usually despises these games.
When NIall dares Tristan to drink a cup of beer that people have been using for an ashtray, I zone out. I take a lock of Tessa's soft hair between my fingers, slowly twisting the hair around my digits. She covers her face with her hands as Tristan gags and Steph shrieks.
After a few more mindless dares, it is finally Tessa's turn.
"Dare." She bravely says to Ed.
"I dare you to take a shot." He says as I glare at him, warning him that if he dares her anything inappropriate I will not hesitate to jump across the table and choke him. He is a pretty cool and chill guy so I didn't really think he would, but I still wanted to warn him anyway.
"Lame." Molly chimes in.
Tessa ignores her and downs the shot. She is already wasted, if she has much more she will be getting sick.
"Molly, truth or dare?" Tessa says, her voice much too smug.
Molly eye's meet Tessa's and she is clearly surprised at Tessa's bold move.
"Truth or dare?" Tess repeats.
"Truth." Molly answers.
"Is it true that you are a whore?" Tess asks and multiple gasps and chuckles are heard.
I bury my face into her back to muffle my laughs. Jesus this girl is nuts when she is drunk.
"Excuse me?" Molly gapes.
"You heard me.. is it true that you are a whore?"
"No." Molly says, her eyes now small slits.
Niall is still laughing, Steph looks amused yet worried, and Tessa looks like she is ready to pounce on Molly.
"It's called truth for a reason." Tess eggs her on.
I gently squeeze her thigh and whisper to her to let it go. I don't want Molly to hurt Tess because then I will have to hurt Molly.
"My turn." Molly says.
"Tessa , truth or dare?" Molly asks. Here we go.
"Dare." Tessa smiles sadistically.
"I dare you to kiss Zayn." She sneers.
"Fuck no." I say.
"Why not? She has done it before." Molly smirks.
I sit up more, pulling Tessa against me as I move both of us.
"Not fucking happening." I growl at Molly.
I don't give a shit about this stupid ass game, she isn't kissing anyone. Zayn's eyes are focused on the wall as Molly changes her mind.
"Fine, let's do truth then." She says.
"Is it true that you are a dumbass for getting back with Harry after he fucked you for a bet?" She says in a cheery voice. Tessa's body goes rigid on my lap and the small group looks uncomfortable.
"No that's not true." Tessa says, her voice small.
"It is though, and you are a dumbass for it. You believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Not that I blame you because I know all of the amazing things that mouth can do. Man, he can sure use that tongue.."
Before I can stop her, Tessa is off of my lap and tackling Molly. Literally pushing her back by her shoulders and climbing on top of her. Luckily for Molly she was already sitting on the floor so she didn't have far to fall.
"You fucking bitch!" Tessa screams, holding Molly's bright hair in her fists. She lifts Molly's head off of the carpet before slamming back down.
Holy shit.
I jump off of the couch and hook my arm around Tessa's waist, yanking her off of Molly. I never in a million years thought I would be breaking up a fight between Tess and anyone, let alone Molly.
Tessa's body thrashes in my arms for a few seconds before she calms herself slightly as I drag her out of the living room. I tug at the ends of her dress to make sure it isn't hitched up, the last we need is for me to have to get in a fight too. There are only a few people in the kitchen, and I can hear everyone talking about the fight in the living room.
"I will fucking kill her Harry! I swear!' She yells moving out of my grip.
"I know.. I know you will." I can not take her seriously, even though I just witnessed her attacking Molly.
"Stop smirking at me." She huffs, out of breath.
Her eyes are wide and glossy and her cheeks are red with anger.
"I'm not. I am just really surprised that happened." I bite down on my lip.
"I hate her so much! Like who the hell does she think she is?" She shouts, obviously trying to get Molly's attention.
"Alright Oritz.. let's get you some water." I say.
"Ortiz?" She asks.
"He's a UFC fighter.."
"UFC?"
"Never mind." I laugh and fill a glass of water for her. I check back into the living room to make sure Molly is no where to be found.
"My adrenaline is rushing like crazy." Tessa tells me.
"Have you ever been in a fight before?" I ask, even though I am sure I know the answer. The best part of fighting is the high from the adrenaline. It is addicting.
"No, of course not."
"Why did you just now? Who cares what she thinks about us being together."
"It's not that. That's not what made me mad."
"What was it then?" I ask her. She hands me the empty cup of water and I refill it.
"When she said that.. about you and her." She admits, her face twisted in anger.
"Oh."
"Yeah. I should have punched her." She breathes.
"Yes, but I think knocking her to the ground and slamming her head against the floor works too." I tease.
A small smile breaks from her lips and she giggles.
"I can't believe I just did that." She giggles again.
"You are so drunk." I laugh.
"I am." She agrees.
"Drunk enough to slam Molly's head against the floor." She says, laughing again.
"I think everyone enjoyed the show." I tell her, snaking my arm around her waist.
"I hope no one is mad at me for causing a scene." There's my Tessa. Drunk as shit yet still considerate of other people.
"No one is mad baby, if anything they will be thanking you. This is the kind of shit these frat kids live for." I assure her.
"I hope not." She says.
"Don't worry about it. Do you want to go find Steph?" I ask her.
"Or we could do something else.." She says, hooking her fingers into the top of my jeans.
"You are never drinking vodka when I am not around." I tell her, teasing but so serious.
"Sure.. now let's go upstairs." She leans up and plants a kiss on my jaw.
"You're a bossy little thing aren't you?" I smile.
"You aren't the only one who gets to be bossy all the time." She laughs and grips the collar of my shirt, pulling me down to her height.
"At least let me do something for you." She purrs, nipping at my earlobe.
"You just got in a fight, your first fight at that and this is what you are thinking?"
She nods.
"You know you want to Harry." She says in a low and slow voice making my pants feel even tighter.
"Okay.. fuck..okay." I give in.
"Well that was easy."
"Let's go." I grab her wrist and lead her upstairs.
"Has someone already taken over your old room?" She asks when we reach the top.
"Yeah, but there are plenty of empty rooms." I tell her and open the door to one of them. The two small beds are covered with black comforters and there are shoes in the closet. I do not know who's room this is but I lock the door and take a few steps to meet Tessa.
"Unzip me." She instructs.
"Not wasting any time I see?"
"Shut up and unzip my dress." She snaps.
I shake my head in amusement and she turns around to lift her hair. My lips brush over the nape of her neck as I slide the zipper down her back. Goose bumps appear on her soft skin as I run my index finger down her spine. She shivers and turns around, sliding the sleeves of her dress down and it pools at her feet. She is wearing the hot pink lace bra and panties that I absolutely fucking love. I can tell by the smile on her face that she knows how much I love them.
"Leave your shoes on." I practically beg.
She agrees with a smile and looks down at her shoes.
"I want to do something for you first." She announces.
In a swift move she tugs at my jeans and frowns when they don't move. Her fingers quickly unbutton my pants and she pulls them down. I step backward towards the bed but she stops me.
"No, ew. Who knows who has done what on that bed." She makes a disgusted face.
"Floor." She demands.
"Uhmm.. okay." I sit down on the floor and she joins me, climbing onto me with her legs on both sides of my thighs.
Her mouth latches to the skin on my neck and she rolls her hips, pushing herself against me. Fuck.
"Tess.." I breath.
"I am going to finish before you start if you keep doing that." I tell her.
She removes her lips from my neck and pulls my shirt over my head.
"What do you want me to do Harry? Do you want to fuck me or do you want me to bl.." I cut her off by kissing her.
I am not wasting any time with foreplay. I want her, I need her, now. Within seconds, her panties lay on the floor next to her and I reach for my jeans to grab a condom. I need to remind her about getting on birth control, I can't stand using a condom with her, I want to feel her, all of her.
"Harry.. hurry up." She begs and lays back on the floor, using her elbows to prop herself up, her long hair touching the floor behind her.
I crawl over to her and separate her thighs even further with my knees and move to slide into her. She loses balance on her elbows and falls back to the floor grabbing onto my arms for leverage.
"No.. I want to do it." She says, pushing me onto the floor and climbing on top of me. She whines as she lowers herself onto me and it's the most delicious sound. Her hips rolls slowly, circling, bouncing, torturing me.
She covers her mouth with her hand and her eyes roll back. When she rakes her nails down my stomach, I nearly lose it. I wrap my arm around her back and flip us over. I have had enough of her being in control, I can't handle it.
"What.." She begins.
"I am the one in charge.. the one with the control.. don't forget that baby." I groan and slam into her roughly, moving in and out at a much faster pace than she was torturing me with.
She nods feverously and covers her mouth again.
'When..we get home.. I will fuck you again and you won't be covering your mouth.. everyone will be able to hear you. Hear what I am doing to you, what only I can do to you." I threaten, bringing her leg up to my shoulder.
She moans again and I place a kiss on her calf as she stiffens. I am close..too close and I bury my head in her neck as I fill the condom. I rest my head on her chest until our breathing returns to normal.
"That was.." She breathes.
"Better than attacking Molly?" I laugh.
"I don't know... it was close though." She teases and stands to get dressed.
I help her zip her dress and she rakes her fingers through her hair while I button my jeans.
Tessa's POV.
"What time is it?" I ask Harry as he slides his shoes back on.
"Its two minutes until midnight." He answers after looking at the alarm clock on the small desk.
"Oh.. well we need to hurry and get downstairs." I tell him.
"It's one minute." He informs me.
"Hurry up then." I smile.
I am still beyond intoxicated but now I am relaxed and calm, thanks to Harry. Drunk or not, I can't believe what happened with Molly.
"Let's go." Harry takes my hand and we make it close to the staircase before everyone begins chanting.
"10...9...8."
Harry rolls his eyes.
"7...6.."
"This is stupid." Harry complains.
"5...4..3." I begin chanting.
"Do it with me." I say.
He tries not to smile, but is defeated as a huge grin spreads across his face.
"2..1.." I poke his cheek with my finger.
"Happy New Year!!" Everyone screams, including me.
"Yay for the New Year." Harry says in a monotone voice and I laugh as he presses his lips to mine.
Part of me was worried that he wouldn't kiss me here, in front of everyone but he is now. As my hands travel to his waist he grabs them to stop me. When he pulls away, his eyes are shining. He is so beautiful.
"Aren't you worn out?" He jokes and I shake my head.
"Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't coming onto you." I smile.
"I really need to pee." I tell him.
"Do you want me to come?"
"No, I will be right back." I say, giving him a small kiss before walking to the bathroom.
I should have had him come along, this is much more difficult than it is when I am sober. Tonight has been so fun, even with the Molly drama. Harry has surprised me by being calm, even with Zayn, and he has remained in a good mood all night. After I wash my hands I head back down the hall to find Harry.
"Harry!" A female voice calls.
When I look around I see a familiar face. The girl with the black hair that bumped into me earlier is walking towards Harry. Being the nosey girl that I am, I stay back a few feet.
"I have your phone, you left it in Lou's room." She smiles, pulling Harry's phone from her purse.
What? It's nothing I am sure, they were in Louis' room which means most likely they were not alone. I trust him.
"Thanks." He grabs the phone from her and she begins to walk away.
Thank god.
"Hey!" He calls after her.
"Can you do me a favor and maybe not mention to anyone that we were in Louis room together?" He asks her.
"I never kiss and tell." She grins and the hallway begins to spin.
My chest immediately aches and quickly head for the stairs. Harry notices me rushing by and I watch as the color drains from his face, knowing he has been caught.

Harry's POV.
"I never kiss and tell." Jamie smiles.
"Thank.." I stop speaking when I see a flicker of gold a few feet away.
Her eyes are wide and her bottom lip is trembling. Fuck, she must have heard me. Tessa takes off down the stairs.
"Tessa! Wait!" I yell after her.
For someone as drunk as she is, she is really flying down those steps.
Why must she always run from me?
"Tess!" I shout again, pushing people out of my way.
Finally when I am only a few feet away from her, she does something that nearly brings me to my knees. The blonde asshole from earlier who was checking her out whistles as she rushes by, making her stops in her tracks. She grins and grabs a handful of his shirt.
What the fuck is she doing? Is she going to...
She answers my thoughts by looking back at me before pressing her lips against his.
I blink rapidly in an attempt to make this disappear I blink rapidly. This isn't happening. She wouldn't do that, not Tessa, no matter how pissed off she is.
He is obviously surprised by her sudden affection but he quickly recovers and wraps his arms around her waist. Her mouth opens and she moves one hand to his hair, tugging on it. I can't comprehend what is actually happening right now.
"Harry! Stop!!!" She screams.
Stop what?
When I blink again, I am on top of the blonde and his lip is busted. I hit him already?
"Please Harry!" She screams again.
I climb off of him in a hurry before everyone crowds around us.
"What the fuck?" The blonde groans.
I want to kick him in his fucking head but I have been trying to restrain myself. She had to go and fucking do this, making me mess up everything I have been working toward. I head for the door without bothering to see if she is following me.
"Why did you hit him?" Her voice calls from behind me as I reach my car.
"Why do you think Tessa? Maybe because I just watched you fucking make out with him!" I scream at her.
I almost forgot what it feels like, this adrenaline rush and the familiar sting on my knuckles. I only got one hit in.. I think at least... so it's not so bad, I want more.
"Why do you care? You kissed that girl! Probably more than kissed! How could you?" She begins to cry.
"No! You don't get to fucking cry Tessa. You just kissed someone right in front of me!" My hand connects with the hood of my car.
"You did worse! I heard you tell that girl to stay quiet about you two in Louis' room!"
"You don't even know what you are talking about! I didn't fucking kiss anyone!"
"Yes you did! She said she doesn't kiss and tell!" She screams. waving her arms around like an idiot.
Fuck she is infuriating.
"It's a fucking figure of speech, she meant she wasn't going to tell anyone anything that we talked about or that we were smoking pot!" I shout.
"You were smoking pot?" She gapes.
"No, I wasn't actually but who gives a shit! You just fucking cheated on me!" I tug at my own hair.
"Why did you leave me to hang out with her then tell her not to say anything, it doesn't make any sense!"
"She is Dan's sister! I was telling her not to say anything because I was trying to apologize for what I did to her. I was going to tell you tomorrow when you weren't fucking belligerent! We were all in the room, me, her, Louis, and Niall. They were smoking a joint and when they left I asked her to stay behind because I wanted to try to make shit right with her, for you. I wouldn't fucking cheat on you, you should know that!"
She is speechless. Damn right she is. She is fucking wrong and I am fucking mad.
"Well.." She begins.
"Well what? You are wrong, not me. You didn't give me a chance to explain myself, instead you acted like a child. An impulsive little child!" I scream, punching the hood again. She jumps from the noise but I don't give a shit.
I should just go back inside, find the blonde and finish what I started. Punching my car doesn't give me the same satisfaction.
"I am not a child! I thought you did something with her!" She shouts back at me.
"Well I didn't! After everything I went through to get you to stay with me you think I would cheat on you with a random chick at a party, or hell with anyone?"
"I didn't know what to think." She throws her hands in the air again.
"Well that is on you then. I don't know what the hell else to do to make you see that I love you." I run my fingers through my hair.
She kissed someone, she kissed another guy right in front of me. This feels worse than when she left me, at least I could blame myself then.
"What was I suuposed to think? The way she said it sounded like you guys were doing something else." She says, her warm breath creating a puff of smoke in the cold air.
"You should have just asked me instead of running off like you always do!"
"Well maybe if I wasn't so used to you keeping secrets it wouldn't have been a problem!" She yells.
"You are unbelievable. I honestly can not even look at you right now." I say and mean it.
The image of her kissing him won't stop playing over and over.
"I am sorry for kissing him, it isn't that big of a deal." She sighs.
"You are joking right? Please tell me that you are because if that would have been me who did that you probably wouldn't have spoken to me again! But I forgot since it's princess Tessa it's okay! No harm done!" I mock.
"Princess Tessa? Really Harry?"
"Yea really! You cheated on me, right in front of me! I brought you here so you would know how much I care about you, I wanted you to know that I don't care what anyone thinks about us. I wanted you to have the best night you could have and then you go and do this shit!"
"Harry.. I.."
"No! I am not done. You are acting as if this is no big deal! This is a huge deal to me. To see another man's lips on yours.. is ..I can't even explain how sick that makes me."
"I said.."
"Stop interrupting me for once in your god damn life!" I shout.
"You know what.. it's fine. You can go back in there and ask your new boyfriend to give you a ride home." I snap and unlock the car door.
"My new boyfriend? You are being ridiculous."
"Yea.. he is just your type too, looks an awful lot like Noah. Maybe that is why you did it in the first place. You miss him don't you?"
"What? What does Noah have to do with this? And I clearly do not have a type, though maybe I should." She growls, gesturing to me.
"Fuck you." I spit and climb into the car, turning it on and leaving her standing out in the cold.
When I get to the stop sign I can't help but hit the steering wheel over and over. If she doesn't call me within an hour I know she went home with someone else.
Tessa's POV.
Ten minutes later I am still standing on the sidewalk. My legs and arms are numb and I am shivering. He will come back any minute, there is no way he will actually leave me here, alone. Drunk and alone.
When I go to call him I remember that he has my phone. Great.
What the hell was I thinking? I wasn't thinking, that's the problem. We were doing so good and I didn't even try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Instead I kissed someone. The memory makes me want to vomit on the sidewalk.
Why hasn't he came back yet?
I need to go inside, it is way too cold out here and I want another drink, my buzz is starting to wear off and I am not ready to face reality. When I get inside I head directly for the kitchen and pour myself a drink. This is why I shouldn't drink, I have no common sense when I am drunk. It was so fun until that bitch with the shiny hair had to ruin it.
No Tessa, you ruined it. I am reminded by my subconscious. I am too drunk for her opinion.
I lay my head down on the counter and try to sort through my thoughts. He kept saying that I cheated on him, technically I guess I did but I didn't mean to. I was so mad, so drunk and mad, that I just wanted him to feel what I felt. I immediately assumed the worst of him and made a huge mistake.
"Tessa?" Zayn's voice says from behind me.
"Hey." I groan and lift my head up from the cool counter and turn to face him.
""Uhm.. what are you doing?" He half laughs.
"I.. I don't really know actually." I try to smile.
"Oh.. well are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah.. I am okay." I lie.
"Where is Harry?"
"He left."
"He left? He left the party?"
"Yeah." I take a drink from my cup.
"Without you?"
"Yep."
"Why?"
"Because I am an idiot." I hoesntly answer."
"I doubt that." He smiles.
"No really, I am this time."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, not really." I sigh.
"Okay.. well I will leave you alone." He says and begins to walk away.
"No, I don't want you to leave me alone I just don't want to talk about it." I try to smile.
Any minute Harry will come back and pick me up.
"Okay deal. It's not supposed to be so complicated you know?"
"What?" I ask him and follow him to sit at a card table in the kitchen.
"Love, relationships, all that. It doesn't have to be so hard."
"Doesn't it though? Isn't it always like this?" I have no reference except Noah but we never fought like this. We bickered but nothing close to the way Harry and I fight.
I dump my drink down the sink and grab a glass to fill with water.
"No, well I don't think at least. I have never seen anyone fight the way you two do."
"It's because we are so different, that's all."
"Yeah, I guess you are right. You are really good for him." He smiles.
"He is good for me too, usually." I laugh.
By the time I check the clock again it's been an hour since Harry left me here. Maybe he isn't coming back after all.
"Would you forgive someone if they kissed someone else?" I finally ask Zayn.
"No, I don't think I would but I guess it depends on the details."
"What if they did it right in front of you?"
"Hell no. That is unforgivable." He says with a disgusted expression.
"Oh."
"Hedid that?"
"No, I did."
"You did?" Zayn is clearly surprised.
"Yeah.. I told you I am an idiot."
"Yeah, I hate to say it but you are."
"Yep." I agree.
"Harry isn't going to take this well." He tells me.
"Do you think he will forgive me?"
"I don't know, he gets pissed when a guy even talks to you. I cant imagine how pissed this would make him."
"Pissed enough to leave me here."
"How are you getting home?" He asks.
"I keep thinking he is going to come back to get me but he's obviously not going to." I bite my lip.
"I can take you home if you want."
"I don't want you to be in the middle of this mess."
"How else will you get home?"
I look around for a familiar face but do not see any.
"Steph and Tristan are probably upstairs.. you know."
"Can you take me now?" I ask.
I don't want to dig myself any deeper but I have no other way to get home. I am beginning to sober up thank goodness and I just want to be home to try to talk to Harry.
"Yeah, let's go." Zayn says and I down the last of my water before following him outside to his car.

"Can I use your phone to try to call him?" I ask Zayn.
He removes one hand from the steering wheel to dig into his pocket for his phone. We are only about ten minutes away from the apartment and I am beginning to panic over Harry's reaction to Zayn driving me home. I keep trying to force myself to sober up but it doesn't work that way. I am a lot less intoxicated than I was an hour ago but I am still drunk.
"Here..shit it's dead." He says, pressing the button on the top revealing an empty battery symbol.
"It's okay." I shrug. Calling Harry from Zayn's phone probably isn't the best idea I have had anyway.
Not as bad as my idea to kiss a random guy in front of Harry, but still not a good one.
"What if he isn't here?" I say.
"You have a key don't you?"
"No.. I didn't think I would need one."
"Oh.. well if he isn't here then I can take you somewhere else.. or you could stay with me. Just for tonight..if you want." He offers.
Harry would literally murder him if he found me at Zayn's apartment. When we arrive to the apartment, Zayn parks the car and I scan the parking lot for Harry's car. It is parked in his usual spot, thank god. I have no idea what I would have done if he wasn't here. Zayn gets out of the car with me and insists on walking me up. As much as I think that will not end well, I don't know if I am capable of getting myself up to the apartment alone in my intoxicated state.
Damn Harry for leaving me at that party.
Damn me for being an impulsive idiot.
Damn Zayn for being so sweet and fearless when he shouldn't be.
Damn Washington for being so damn cold.
When we reach the elevator my head begins to pound along with my heart. I need to go over what I am going to say to Harry, he is going to be so mad at me and I need to think of a good way to apologize without using sex. I am not used to being the one to apologize for anything because he is always the one who messes up, this doesn't feel good at all, this feels terrible.
We walk down the hallway and I can't help but feel as if we are preparing to walk the plank. I just don't know whether it will be Zayn or myself that sinks down into the water.
"This is it." I swallow and knock on the door.
Zayn stands a few feet behind me as we wait for the door to open. This was a terrible idea, I should have just stayed at the party.
I knock again, this time louder.
What If he doesn't answer?
What if he took my car and isn't even here? I didn't think of that.
"If he doesn't answer can I go to your place?" I try to hold my tears back.
I don't want to stay at Zayn's and make Harry even more upset with me but he hasn't left me with another option.
What If he doesn't forgive me? I can't be without him. I have been through an emotional hell for him so he has to forgive me. Zayn's hand touches my back and he rubs up and down to soothe me. I can not cry, I need to be calm when he answers.. if he answers.
"Of course." Zayn finally answers.
"Harry! Please open the door." I quietly beg and rest my forehead against the door.
I don't want to yell and cause a scene at nearly two in the morning, our neighbors probably have issues with us yelling enough already.
"I guess he's not going to answer." I sigh and lean up.
As we turn to walk away the door clicks open.
"Well..look who decided to show up." Harry says.
Something about his tone sends chills down my spine. When I turn to face him, his eyes are blood shot and his cheeks are pink.
"Zayn! Pal! It's so nice to see you." Harry slurs.
He's drunk.
"Harry.. have you been drinking?" My thoughts suddenly clear.
"What's it to you? You have a new boyfriend."
"Harry.." I don't know what to say to him.
He is obviously wasted. The last time I saw him this drunk was the night Liam called me to come to Ken's house. With his father's history of drinking and the way Anne was so fearful that Harry had began to drink again, my heart sinks.
"Thank you for bringing me home, I think you should go now." I politely say to Zayn.
Harry is too drunk to be around Zayn.
"Noooo.." Harry exgaherates.
"Come on in! Let's have a drink together!" Harry grabs Zayn's arm and pulls him through the doorway.
"No, this is not a good idea. You are drunk." I protest.
"It's fine." Zayn tells me. It's almost like he has a death wish.
"Yeah, Tessa. Chill the fuck out." Harry stumbles over to the coffee table and grabs the bottle of dark liquor and pours the liquid into a glass.
I want to yell at him for speaking to me that way but I can't find my voice.
"Here you go, I will get another cup. One for you too Tess." Harry rambles and walks into the kitchen.
Zayn sits in the chair and I take a seat on the couch.
"I'm not leaving you here alone with him, look how drunk he is. I thought he didn't drink?" Zayn whispers.
"He doesn't.. not like this. This is my fault." I put my head in my hands.
I hate that Harry is drunk because of what I did. I wanted us to have a civil conversation so I could apologize for everything.
"No it's not." Zayn assures me.
"This one is for you." Harry hands me a glass half full of liquor.
"I don't want anymore. I drank enough tonight." I take the glass from his hands and sit it on the table.
"Suit yourself, more for me." He smiles at me. His smile isn't the same as the smile I have grown to adore.
I am honestly a little frightened. I know Harry would never hurt me, physically but I don't like this side of him. I would rather him be screaming at me or punching a wall than sitting here drunk off his ass and being so calm. Too calm.
Zayn brings his drink to his lips and takes a sip.
"This is just like old times isn't it? You know back before you wanted to fuck my girl." Harry says and Zayn spits his drink back into the cup.
"It's not like that. You left her there and I brought her home." Zayn's tone is threatening.
"I'm not just talking about tonight and you know it. Though I am pretty annoyed by you taking it upon yourself to bring her home. She is a big girl, she can fend for herself."
"She shouldn't have to fend for herself." Zayn fires back.
"That's not up to you!" Harry yells and I jump.
"You wish it was though, don't you?" Harry smirks.
I feel like I am in the middle of a gun fight and I want to move but my body will not allow it. I watch in horror as my Mr. Darcy becomes transforms into Iago.
"No." Zayn responds.
Harry sits down next to me but keeps his glossy eyes focused on Zayn. I look down at the bottle of liquor and it is at least a fourth of it is gone. I pray that Harry has not consumed all of this tonight, within the last hour and a half.
"Yeah it is. I am not stupid. You want her, Molly told me everything you said before."
"Leave it alone Harry." Zayn growls, only egging Harry on.
"Oh Tessa is so beautiful, Tessa is so sweet! Tessa is too good for Harry! Tessa should be with me!" Harry mocks.
What?
"Shut the fuck up Harry." Zayn avoids looking at me.
"Here that babe, Zayn thought he could actually have you." Harry laughs.
"Stop it Harry." I get up from the couch.
Zayn looks humiliated. I shouldn't have agreed to have him drive me home. Did he really say those things about me? I had assumed the way he acted toward me was because of the bet, but now I am not so sure.
"Look at her, I bet you are thinking about it right now.. aren't you?" Harry taunts him.
Zayn glares at Harry and sits his cup on the table.
"You will never have her Zayn, so give it up. No one will have her except me, I am the only one who will ever fuck her. The only one who will know how good it feels to have her.."
"Stop it!" I yell.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" I add.
"Nothing, I am just telling him how it is." Harry answers.
"You are being cruel." I tell him.
"So?"
"I really think you should go." I say to Zayn.
Zayn looks at Harry then back to me.
"It's fine." I assure him.
I don't know what will happen but I know it won't be as bad as what will occur if he stays.
"Please." I beg and he nods.
"You heard her, get the fuck out. Don't be too sad though, she doesn't want me either. She likes those clean-cut pretty boys." Harry takes another drink.
My heart sinks even lower and I know I am in for a long night. I don't know if I should be afraid but I am not. Well.. a little but I am not leaving.
"Out." Harry repeats and Zayn heads for the door.
Once Zayn is no longer in the apartment Harry locks the door and turns to face me.
"You're lucky I didn't beat his ass for bringing you here. You know that don't you?" He asks.
"Yes." I agree. Arguing with him doesn't seem like a good idea.
"Why did you even come here?"
"I live here."
"Not for long." He pours more alcohol into his cup.
"What?" The air leaves my lungs.
"You're hearing going bad along with your judgment?" He taunts me.
"You are going to kick me out?"
"No, you'll leave on your own eventually."
"No I won't."
" Maybe your new lover has room at his place. The two of you look nice together." The hateful way he is speaking to me takes me back to the beginning of our relationship and I don't like it.
"Harry please stop saying those things. I don't even know him and I am sorry for what I did."
"I will say what I want, just the way you do whatever the fuck you want."
"I made a mistake, I am sorry. I was so drunk and I really thought something happened with you and that girl, I didn't know what to think. I am so sorry, I would never hurt you purposely." I say but I can tell he isn't listening.
"You are still talking?" He snaps.
I sigh and chew on my cheek. Don't cry. Don't cry.
"I'm going to go to bed and we can talk when you aren't so drunk."
He doesn't say anything, he doesn't even look at me so I take my shoes off and walk into the bedroom. As soon as I go to close the door I hear the glass shatter. When I rush into the living room the wall is wet and glass litters the floor.
I watch helplessly as he grabs the other two glasses and slams them against the wall. He takes one last swig from the bottle and uses all of his strength to shatter the half-full bottle against the wall.

He grabs the lamp off the table causing  the cord to rip out of the wall before smashing it on the floor. Why is his frist instinct to break everything in sight?
"Stop it!" I scream.
He doesn't turn to look at me before grabbing a vase and breaking it against the brick.
"Harry you are going to break all of our stuff! Please stop it!"
"This is your fault Tessa! You fucking cheated on me!" He shouts back and grabs another vase.
I scurry into the living room to join him and grab the object from his hand before he can break it.
"I know it is! I am sorry! I am so sorry Harry, please just talk to me." I beg.
I can not hold my tears back any longer.
"Please Harry." I cry.
"You fucked up Tessa, so badly!" His fist slams against the wall.
I knew this was coming and honestly I am surprised it took this long. I am thankful he chose that wall to hit, the brick surely would have damaged his hand much worse.
"Just leave me alone damn it! Go away!" He paces back and forth before slamming both hands against the wall, not punching the surface this time, thank god.
"I love you." I blurt, I need to try to calm him but he is just so drunk and intimidating.
'You don't act like it! You kissed another fucking guy! Then you bring Zayn to my fucking house!"
My heart lurches at the mention of Zayn's name. Harry humiliated him.
"I know.. I am sorry." I fight the urge to call him out for being a hypocrite. Yes, I know what I did was wrong, so wrong but I have forgiven him for hurting me repeatedly.
"You know how fucking crazy, how absolutely fucking mad it makes me to see you with anyone else and you go and do this shit!"
"I said I am sorry Harry.. what more.."
He pushes the chair over and there is a pounding at the door. Great, now the neighbors are going to be involved.
"Harry! I swear to god if you hurt her!" It's Zayn.
He really does have a death wish.
"You have five fucking seconds to leave Zayn or so help me god I will fucking kill you!" Harry screams. The veins in his neck are turning a deep purple and he is beginning to resemble a monster.
"I'm not leaving, open the door or I will call the cops!" Zayn challenges.
"Tell him to leave now." Harry instructs.
"Zayn.. everything is fine. Just go please. It's fine. I will call you tomorrow."
Harry heads toward the door and I grab his shirt in my hand.
"She won't be calling and your time is up." Harry warns and pulls himself out of my grip and grips the door handle.
"Don't Harry, or the cops will come." I beg him.
"Just give me two minutes, that's it and he will go."
"You barely know him who the fuck does he think he is coming here and trying to play the god damned savior?"
"One minute, that's it and he will leave. Just stay here, unless you want to get arrested."
"One minute." He snaps.
I hate him like this.
When I open the door Zayn is pacing in the hall.
"You shouldn't stay here, he is a fucking psycho." He says.
I close the door and pray that Harry didn't hear that.
"No, he's not."
"Yeah he is, he is in there smashing shit. I can hear it."
"He is angry, drunk and angry."
"Exactly, who knows what he is capable of."
"He wouldn't do anything to me."
"You don't know that." His eyes are full of worry but I don't like the way he is talking about Harry.
"I really appreciate you worrying about me but I know him better than anyone, he isn't going to do anything except yell and break stuff. Please just go home, I know you have good intentions but I really need to be able to calm him down and you aren't helping that. I am really sorry but please go."
I feel terrible telling him to leave especially after Harry being so cruel to him but it's not a good idea for him to stay. I hear Harry's boots hit the floor and I beg Zayn again.
"Fine, I will go. He needs to get his shit together. Both of you do." Zayn says in a low voice.
"I know." I agree with him and walk back into the apartment.
 "He's gone?" Harry asks.
"Yes, he is gone."
"I am surprised you didn't leave with him."
"Stop it."
"You fucked up."
"I am sorry Harry, I wasn't thinking clearly." I speak as soft and slow as I can manage.
"Sorry doesn't erase the image from my mind. It's all I can see." He tugs at his hair.
I walk toward him and stand directly in front of him. He reeks of whiskey.
"Then look at me, look at me." I bravely put my hands on his face, forcing him to look directly at me.
"You kissed him, you kissed someone else." His voice is much lower than it was seconds ago.
"I know I did, and I am so sorry Harry. I wasn't thinking. You know how irrational I can be."
"That's not an excuse."
"I know baby, I know." I am hoping those words will soften him.
"It hurts." He says, his bloodshot eyes soften.
My chest aches because he sounds like a child, a lonely, sad, child. I can't help but picture Harry as a child, hiding away as his parents fight over his father's alcohol abuse.
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"I knew better than to have a girlfriend, not that I ever wanted one but this is what happens when people date..or get married. This type of shit is why I need to be alone. I don't want to go through this." He pulls away from me.
"It won't happen again, I will never do anything like this again."
"It doesn't matter Tess, one of us will. That is what people do when they love each other. They hurt each other then break up or get divorced. I don't want that for us, for you."
"That won't happen with us. We are different."
"It happens with everyone, look at our parents."
"Our parents just married the wrong people that's all. Look at Karen and your dad." I am relieved that he is being much calmer now.
"They will get divorced too."
"No I don't think they will."
"I do. Marriage is such a fucked up concept, hey I sort of like you so let's move in together and sign some paperwork promising to never leave one another, even though we won't stick to it anyway. Why would anyone do that willingly? Why would you want to be tied down to one person forever?"
I am not mentally prepared to process what he has just said to me. He doesn't see a future with me? He is only saying this because he is drunk. Right?
"Do you really want me to go? Is that what you want is to end this now?" I ask, looking straight into his eyes.
He doesn't answer me.
"Harry?"
"No..fuck.. no Tessa. I love you. I love you so fucking much but you.. what you did was so wrong. You took every single fear that I have and brought them to life in one action." His eyes begin to water and my chest begins to cave in.
"I know I did, I feel terrible for hurting you."
"You should be with someone like Noah."
"I don't want to be with anyone except you." I wipe my eyes.
"I am afraid you will."
"Afraid I will what? Leave you for Noah?"
"Not him exactly, but someone like him."
"I won't. Harry, I love you. No one else, I love you. I love everything about you, please stop doubting yourself." It hurts me to think that he feels this way.
"Can you honestly tell me that you didn't start seeing me to piss off your mum off?"
"What?"
He waits for an answer.
"No, of course not. My mother has nothing to do with us. I fell in love with you because.. well because I didn't have a choice. I couldn't help it, I tried not to because of what my mother would think but I never had a choice. I have always loved you, whether I wanted to or not." I tell him.
"Sure."
"What can I do to make you see that?"
After everything I have been through for him how could he think me being with him is a way to rebel against my mother?
"Not kiss other guys perhaps."
"I know you are insecure but you should know that I love you. I have fought for you from day one, with my mom, Noah, everyone."
'"Insecure? I am not insecure. I am not going to sit around and be played for a fucking fool."
"You are worried about being played?" I am starting to get angry.
I know what I did was wrong but he has done much worse to me. He really did play me like a fool and I forgave him.
"Don't start that shit with me." He growls.
"We have came such a long way, we have been through so much Harry. Don't let one mistake take that from us." I never thought I would be the one begging for forgiveness.
"You did it, not me."
"Stop being so cold to me. You have done a lot of things to me too." I snap.
Anger returns to his face and he storms away from me.
"You know what? I have done a lot of things but you kissed someone right in front of me."
"Oh you mean like the night you had Molly on your lap and kissed her in front of me?"
"We weren't together."
"Maybe not to you but I thought we were."
"Doesn't fucking matter Tessa."
"So you are saying that you aren't going to let this go then?"
"I don't know what I am saying but you are getting on my nerves."
"I think you should go to bed." I suggest.
Despite the glimpses of understanding that have appeared in the last few minutes, it is clear that he has his mind set on being cruel.
"I think you shouldn't tell me what to do."
"I know you are angry and hurt but you can't talk to me that way. It's not right and I won't put up with it. Drunk or not."
"I am not hurt." He glares at me.
Harry and his pride.
"You just said you were."
"No I didn't, don't tell me what I said."
"Okay." I give in.
I am exhausted and I don't want to pull the tab on the grenade that is Harry. He walks over to the key rack and pulls his keychain off while he stumbles to grab his boots.
"What are you doing?" I rush over to him.
"Leaving, what does it look like?"
"You are not leaving, you have been drinking. A lot." I reach for his keys but he slips them into his pocket.
"I don't give a shit, I need more to drink."
"No! You don't. You had enough and you broke the bottle." I try to reach for his pocket but he grabs ahold of my wrist like has done countless times.
This time is different because he is so angry and for a second I begin to worry.
"Let go." I challenge him.
"Don't try to stop me from leaving and I will let go." He doesn't let up and I try to appear unaffected.
"Harry.. you are going to hurt me."
His eyes meet mine and he lets go quickly. He raises his hand and I flinch, sinking back away from him. His hand moves to his hair and his eyes flash with panic.
"You thought I was going to hit you?" He nearly whispers and I back away further.
"I..I don't know, you are scaring me." I knew he wouldn't hurt me but this is the easiest way to get him back to reality.
"You should know I wouldn't hurt you. Even though I probably should." He glares at me.
"For someone who hates your father so much, you sure as hell don't have a problem acting like him." I spit.
"Fuck you, I am nothing like him!" He shouts.
"Yes you are! You're drunk off your ass and you left me at that party! You broke half our decorations in the living room, including my favorite lamp! You are acting like him.. the old him."
"Yeah, well you are acting like your mum too. A spoiled snobby little bitch." He sneers and I gasp.
"Who are you?" I ask and shake my head.
I don't want to hear anymore from him and I know if we continue to argue while is this drunk, it will not end well. I turn to walk away from him. He has taken his disrespect to a whole new level.
"Tessa.. I am .." He begins.
"Don't." I spit and head to the hall.
I can take his rude comments, I can take him yelling at me because hell I dish it out right back to him, but I don't like the way he is behaving tonight and we both need to distance ourselves before one of us says something even worse.
"I didn't mean that." He says and follows me down the hall.
I close the door and lock it behind me. Maybe we can't make this work. Maybe he is too angry and I am too irrational, I push him too far and he does the same to me.
No, that isn't true. We are good for each other because we push each other. Despite all the fights and tension between us, there is passion. So much passion that it nearly drowns me, pulling me under and he is the only light, the only one to save me regardless if he is the one dooming me. I love him more than anything and he does me. No matter what terrible things he said out of anger tonight I know that he does. He has changed so much for me, he is not the same as he was before. He poured his heart into writing me that letter and he is not to blame for this fight tonight.
"Tess, open the door." Harry taps the wood softly.
"Just go to bed, please." I cry.
"Damn it Tessa! Open this door now, I'm sorry okay?" He shouts and begins to pound at the door.
Praying that he won't bust through the door, I force myself up off the floor and pad over to the dresser to dig through my bottom drawer. When I see the white of the paper relief washes over me and I go into the closet and pull the door closed. As I begin reading, the pounding at the door is drowned out, no longer existing. The ache in my chest dissolves along with my headache. Nothing exists except this letter, these perfect words from my imperfect Harry.
I read it over and over until my tears stop along with the noise from the hall. I desperately hope that he didn't leave but I am not going out there to find out. My heart and my eyes are too heavy, I need to lay down.
Taking my letter with me, I drag my body to the bed still wearing my dress. Eventually sleep comes to me and I am free to dream of the Harry that scribbled these words on a blank sheet of paper in a hotel room.
When I wake in the middle of the night, I fold the letter back up and place it back in my bottom drawer before opening the bedroom door. Harry is asleep in the hallway, curled in a ball on the concrete floor. I don't know whether I should wake him so I leave him alone to sleep off his intoxication.
By the time morning comes I change my clothes, putting on sweats and an old t-shirt of Harry's. Fighting or not, I earned the right to wear his damn clothes. My nerves are getting the best of me as I walk out of the bedroom. The hallway is empty and the mess in the living room is completely cleared. Not one single piece of glass left on the floor. The room smells of lemons, and the brown whiskey is no longer splattered across the wall. I am surprised Harry even knew where the cleaner is stored.
"Harry?" I call, my voice hoarse from all the yelling I did last night.
No answer.
I walk over to the kitchen table and there is an index card with handwriting on it.
"Please don't leave, I will be back soon." He wrote.
The thousand pounds of pressure lifts from my chest and make a cup of coffee and sit down at the table to wait for his return.

What feels like hours go by before Harry finally comes back home. I have since showered, cleaned up the kitchen, and read fifty pages of Moby Dick on my Nook. Most of the time that has passed has been filled with me thinking of every possibility of his behavior and what he will say. He fact that he didn't want me to leave so that is a good thing. Right? I sure hope so. The entire night is a blur but I remember the key points.
Harry was beyond intoxicated, angry, and aggressive. I brought this upon myself in a way for being irrational and kissing that guy in front of Harry but I wish he would have been more understanding of my intoxicated state. Then again, Harry and understanding are not two things that typically go together. I just want him to forgive me, I will grovel as much as I need to.
When I hear the click of the front door I instantly still. Everything I have been preparing to say to him vanishes from my mind, I sit the nook down on the table and sit up on the couch.
When Harry walks through the door he is wearing a grey sweatshirt and his signature black jeans. He doesn't leave the house in anything except black and occasionally white, so the contrast is a little strange but the sweatshirt makes him look younger somehow. His hair is messy and pushed off of his forehead and his eyes have dark circles under them.
In his hand is a lamp, different from the one he shattered last night but very similar.
"Hey." He says and runs his tongue along his bottom lip before pulling his lip ring between his teeth.
"Hi." I mutter in return.
"How..how did you sleep?" He asks.
I stand from the couch as he walks towards the kitchen.
"Good.." I lie.
"That's good." He says.
It is evident that we are both treading very lightly, afraid to say the wrong thing.
He stands by the counter and I stay near the fridge.
"I uhm.. I got a new lamp." He nods at the lamp in his hands. before sitting it on the counter.
"It's nice." I feel anxious, very anxious.
"They didn't have the one we had but they.." He begins.
"I'm so sorry." I blurt, interrupting him.
"Me too... well sort of."
"Sort of?"
"Yeah.. I mean I am sorry for some of it but not most."
"Okay.." I want to ask him to elaborate but I decide against it.
"Well I am sorry for all of it, I am so sorry. Last night was not supposed to go that way." I say.
"That is surely an understatement."
"It was a terrible night. I should have let you explain yourself before I kissed someone, it was stupid and immature of me."
"Yes it was. I shouldn't have had to explain myself, you should have trusted me and not jumped to conclusions." He leans his elbows on the counter behind him and I fiddle with my fingers, trying not to pick a the skin around my fingernails.
"I know. I am sorry."
"I heard you the first ten times Tess."
"Are you going to forgive me? You were talking about kicking me out."
"I wasn't talking about kicking you out, I was just saying that relationships do not work." He shrugs.
A big part of me was praying that he wouldn't remember the things he was saying last night. He basically told me that marriage is for fools and that he should be alone.
"What are you saying?"
"Just that."
"Just that what? I thought.. " I don't know what to say.
I thought the new lamp was his way of apologizing and that he felt different this morning than he did last night.
"You thought what?"
"That you didn't want me to leave because you wanted to talk about it when you got home."
"We are talking about it."
"So what then you don't want to be with me anymore?" A lump grows in my throat.
"That isn't what I am saying, come here." He says, opening his arms.
I stay silent as I cross our small kitchen and step closer to him. He grows impatient and when I get close enough he pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. My head lays on his chest, the soft cotton of his sweatshirt is still cool from the cold winter air.
"I missed you so much." He says into my hair.
"I didn't go anywhere." I reply.
"Yes you did. When you kissed that guy I lost you momentarily, that was enough for me. I couldn't stand it, not even for a second." He pulls me closer.
"You didn't lose me Harry. I made a mistake, a mistake that I promise not to repeat."
"Please.." He begins to say but corrects himself, "Don't do it again. I mean it." He says instead.
"I won't." I assure him and mean it.
"You brought Zayn here."
"Only because you left me at that party without a way to get home. I didn't have a choice." I remind him.
We haven't looked at one another so far during this conversation and I want to keep it that way. I am fearless.. well slightly fearless without those green eyes piercing mine.
"You really didn't give me a choice Tess."
"I waited outside, I thought you were coming back." I admit.
He lifts me gently from his chest and holds me back slightly so he can look at me. He looks so tired, I know that I do too.
"I may have handled my anger poorly but I didn't know what else to do." The intensity of his gaze causes me to move my eyes from his and stare at the floor.
"Do you care for him?" Harry's voice is shaky when he lifts my chin to look at him.
"What?"
"Zayn, do you care for him?"
He can not be serious.
"Harry..."
"Answer me."
"Not the way you are assuming."
"What does that mean?" Harry is growing anxious, or angry, I can't tell. Maybe both.
"I care for him in a way, a friendly way."
"Nothing more?" Harry's tone is pleading, begging me to assure him that I only care for him.
"Nothing more, I love you. Only you, and I know I did something very stupid but that was only out of anger and I had too much to drink. That has nothing to do with me having feelings for anyone else."
"Why did you have him out of all people bring you home?"
"He was the only one who offered. Why are you so hard on him?" I ask and instantly regret it.
"Hard on him? You are not serious."
"You were very cruel by humiliating him in front of me."
Harry takes a step sideway so we are no longer standing face to face. I turn to face him and he runs his fingers through his messy hair.
"He should have known better than to come here with you. He shouldn't have even offered to bring you home, he just got what he had coming. He is lucky he left here without a broken nose."
"You promised to keep your temper at bay." I am trying not to push him, I want to make up not dive deeper into this argument.
"I have been. Until you cheated on me and left that party with Zayn. I could have beat the shit out of Zayn last night and hell I could leave right now and do it." His voice raises in volume.
"I know you could have, I am glad you didn't."
"I'm not, but I am glad you are."
"I don't want to drink again." I tell him.
"Me either, I don't know what the hell I was thinking last night. I don't remember much but I know the living room was trashed."
"I don't like when you drink that much, you aren't the same." I can feel the tears coming and I try to swallow them down.
"I know.. I didn't mean to get that way. I was just so pissed off and.. hurt.. I was hurt. The only thing I could think to do besides kill someone was drink so I went down to Conner's and got the whiskey. I wasn't going to drink that much but the pain just wouldn't go away so I kept going." He doesn't look at me.
I have half a mind to drive down to Conner's and yell at that old woman for selling Harry alcohol but his twenty first birthday is in exactly a month from today and the damage of last night has already been done.
"You were afraid of me, I saw it in your eyes." He says.
"No.. I wasn't afraid of you. I know you wouldn't hurt me."
"You flinched, I remember that. Most of everything is a blur but I remember that clear as day."
"I was just caught off guard." I tell him.
He steps closer to me, almost closing the entire space between us.
I knew he wasn't going to hit me but he was behaving so aggressively and alcohol can make people do unspeakable things that they would never do when sober.
"I don't want you to ever ...be caught off guard again. I won't drink like that ever again, I swear it." He brings his hand to my face and traces over my temple with his index finger.
I don't want to say anything in response, this whole conversation has been confusing and very back and forth. One second I feel that he is forgiving me but the next I am unsure. He is speaking in a much calmer tone than I expected but his anger is just under the surface.
"Did you mean those things that you said about getting married?" I hesitantly ask him, unsure whether I want to know the answer.
"You already know how I feel about marriage."
"I know but you were extra.. I don't know.. extra against it last night." My voice comes out as a whine despite how neutral I tried to come off.
"Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about where we go from here." He moves his hand from my cheek to my jaw.
"I don't want to be that guy, and I definitely do not want to be like my father. I shouldn't have drank that much but you were wrong too." He says.
"I.." I start to say but he silences me.
"However, I have done a list of shit.. an entire book of shit to you and you always forgive me. I have done far worse than you so I owe it to you to do my best to let it go and forgive you. It isn't fair to you for me to expect things from you that I can't return. I really am sorry Tess, for everything last night. I was a fucking idiot."
"I was too. I know how you feel about me with other guys and I shouldn't have used that against you in anger. I will try to think before I act next time, I am sorry."
"Next time?" A small smile plays on Harry's lips.
He changes moods so quickly.
"So we are okay then?" I ask.
"That's not only up to me."
"I want us to be." I make eye contact with him.
"Me too baby, me too." Relief washes over me from his words and I lean into his chest once more.
I know that a lot of things have purposely been left unsaid but we have resolved enough for now.
"I won't call you out of your name again." He places a kiss on my the top of my head and my heart flutters.
"Thank you."
"Hopefully the lamp will make up for it." I can hear the humor in his voice and I decide to go with it.
"Maybe if you could have managed to get the same lamp." I smile and he looks down at me equally amused.
"I cleaned the entire living room." He smiles.
"You are the one who trashed it."
"Still, you know how I feel about cleaning." His arms wrap tighter around me, hugging me.
"I wouldn't have cleaned that mess, I would have left it there." I tell him.
"No you wouldn't have."
"Yes I would."
"It would have driven you mad, there is no way you would have left it there." He chuckles.
I know he is right so I just laugh with him.
"I was afraid you wouldn't be here when I got home." Harry says.
I look up at him and he looks down at me.
"I'm not going anywhere." I tell him and pray that it's true.
Instead of speaking he presses his lips to mine.

To be continued

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