Sunday, 20 May 2018

AFTER ROMANCE Episode 36-40

Warning: This is very detailed, sexually so if you don't like that type of thing, I suggest you skip this chapter, this is the only warning I will be giving for the whole story so just know the sex scenes will be detailed and descriptive xo)

Harry's blazing eyes don't leave mine as I make my way to him. I prop my knee up on the bed and pull myself up. At the same time, Harry lifts himself up against the headboard and holds his hand out for mine. The second I place my small hand in his, he wraps his fingers around it and pulls me onto him. My knees go his sides and I am straddling his lap. I have done this before with him, but not in so little clothing. I hold myself up using my knees so we aren't touching, but Harry isn't having it. He positions his hands on my hips and gently pushes me down. His t-shirt is bunched up at my sides, baring my thighs completely. I am glad I shaved my legs this morning. The second our bodies touch my stomach begins to stir. I know this happiness that I feel isn't going to last and I feel like Cinderella, waiting for the clock to strike to end my blissful night.
"Much better." he says and gives me a crooked smile.
I know he is drunk and that's why he is being so nice, well nice for him, but I will take it. If this is truly the last time I will be around him then this is how I want to spend it. I keep telling myself that. I can behave how ever I want tonight with Harry because when the daylight comes I am going to tell him to never come near me again and he will oblige. It's for the best and I know that is what he will want when he isn't intoxicated. To my defense, I am just as intoxicated by Harry as he is by the bottle of scotch he consumed.
As Harry continues to stare into my eyes, I begin to feel nervous. What should I do next? I have no idea where Harry is going to take this and I don't want to make a fool out of myself by trying to do something first.
He seems to notice my uncomfortable expression.
"What's wrong?" He asks and brings a hand to my face. His finger traces over my cheek bone and my eyes involuntarily close at his touch. His touch is surprisingly gentle.
"Nothing.. I just don't know what to do." I admit and look down.
"Do whatever you want to do Tess, don't overthink it." he advises and I nod. I lean back a little to create about a foot of space between our chests and bring my hand up to his bare chest. I look at him for permission and he nods. I press both hands against his chest softly and he closes his eyes. My fingers trace the swallows on his chest and down to the moth on his stomach. His eyelashes flutter as I trace the scripture on his ribs. His expression is so calm but his chest is moving up and down much more rapidly than it was a few moments ago. I am unable to control myself as I bring my hand down and run my index finger along the waistband of his boxers. His eyes shoot open and he looks nervous. Harry, nervous?
"Can I uhmm.. touch you?" I ask in hopes that he gets what I mean without me having to say it. I feel detached from myself, who is this girl straddling this punk boy and asking to touch him.. down there? I think back to what Harry said earlier about me being my true self with him. Maybe he is right. I love the way I feel right now, I love the electricity shooting through my body as he nods.
"Please." he answers and I lower my hand. I keep my hand on top of his boxers and slowly reach the slight bulge in his boxers. He sucks in a breath as I graze my hand over him. I don't know what to do so I just keep touching it, running my fingers up and down. I am too nervous to look at him so I keep my eyes on his growing crotch.
"Do you want me to show you what to do?" He asks quietly, his voice is shaky. His usual cocky demeanor has shifted.
I nod and he puts his hand over mine once again. and brings it down to touch him again. He opens my hand and makes my fingers cup around his length. He sucks a breath between his lips and I look up at him through my lashes. He takes his hand off of mine, giving me full control.
"Fuck Tessa, don't do that." He growls. I still my hand and try to jerk it away.
"No, not that. Keep doing that, I mean don't look at me that way."
"What way?"
"That innocent way, it makes me what to do so many dirty things to you." he informs me and I want to throw myself back onto the bed and let him do whatever he wants. I give him a small smile and begin to move my hand again. I want to take his boxers off but I am afraid to. A moan escapes from his lips and I tighten my grip on him, I want to hear that sound again. I don't know if I should move my hand faster or not so I keep the slow but tight movements and he seems to like it. I lean in and press my lips against the clammy skin of his neck, causing him to moan again.
"Fuck Tess, your hand feels so good wrapped around me." He says. I give him a little tighter squeeze and he winces. :Not that hard, baby" his voice is soft and not mocking at all.
"Sorry." I say and kiss his neck again. My tongue runs over the skin belong his ear and is body jumps, his hands go to my chest and he cups my breasts beneath his hands.
"Can I. take. off. your.. bra?" His voice is so uncontrolled and raspy. I am amazed by the effect I am having on him. I nod and his eyes light up in excitement. His hands are shaky as he reaches under the shirt and up my back, he unclasps my bra as soon as his fingers touch the strap and I start to think about how many times he has done that to be able to do it so quickly. I force the thoughts to the back of my mind and Harry slides the shoulder straps down my arms, making me let go of him. As soon as the bra is gone he puts his hands up the front of my shirt and grabs ahold of my breasts again. His fingers lightly pinch my nipples as he leans forward to kiss me. I moan into his mouth and reach down and grab his length again.
"Oh Tessa, I am going to come." he says and I feel the wetness growing in my panties even though he is only touching my chest. His touch is heavenly and I feel like I may come too, just from his moans and his gentle assault against my chest. His legs tense under me and kiss becomes sloppier, his hands drop down to my lap and I feel a wetness spread through his boxers and I pull my hand away. I have never made anyone else come, obviously. Harrys head rolls back and he takes a few breaths while I sit on his thighs, unsure what to do. His eyes open and he lifts his head back up to look at me. A lazy smile crosses his face and he leans forward and kisses me on my forehead.
"I have never come like that before." he says and I am back to being embarrassed.
"It was that bad?" I ask and try to move off of his legs. He stops me.
"What? No, you were that good. It usually takes more than someone just grabbing me through my boxers." he answers and a pang of jealousy hits me. I don't want to think about all the other girls that have made Harry feel this way. He takes in my silence and cups my cheek, brushing his thumb along my temple. I am comforted by the fact that the others had to do more than I did, but I still wish there weren't any others. I don't know why I bother to feel this way, me and Harry are still unresolved. We are never going to date or be anything other than this but right now I just want to live in the moment. I laugh a little as the thought crosses my mind. I am not a "live in the moment" type of person at all.
"What are you thinking?" He asks and I shake my head. I don't want to tell him of my jealous thoughts.
"Oh come on Tessa, just tell me." he says and I shake my head again. In a very un-Harry move he grabs ahold of my hips and begins to tickle me. I scream with laughter and fall off of him and onto the soft bed. He continues to tickle me and I can't breath. His laughter booms through the room and its the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I have never heard him laugh this way and something tells me hardly anyone has. Despite his flaws, his many flaws, I consider myself lucky to see him this way.
"Okay.. okay! I will tell you!" I screech and he stops.
"Good choice." he says. "But hold that thought, I need to change my boxers" he smiles and I blush.
Harry climbs off the bed and walks over to the dresser. He opens the top drawer and grabs a pair of blue and white plaid boxers and holds them up in the air with a disgusted look on his face.
"What?" I ask and prop my head up on my elbow and look at him.
"These are hideous." he says and I laugh.
My earlier question about whether or not there were clothes in the dresser is now answered. Liam's mother or Harry's father must have purchased all the clothes in the room for Harry. It is sad really, that they would buy clothes and fill the dresser in hopes that Harry would come around sometime.
"They aren't so bad." I tell him and he rolls his eyes. I doubt anything will look as good as Harry's usual black boxer briefs but then again cant imagine anything looking bad on Harry.
"Well beggars can't be choosers, so I guess I will be back in a minute." He says and walks out of the room only wearing his wet boxers.
Oh god, what if Liam sees him? I will be humiliated. I need to find Liam the first thing in the morning to explain the turn of events. What am I going to say though? "It's not what it looked like, we were just talking and then I agreed to stay the night and somehow ended up in my panties and a t-shirt and gave him the closest thing to a hand job that I know of?" That sounds terrible. I will think of something in the morning. I lay my head onto the pillows and stare at the ceiling.
I consider getting up and checking my phone while Harry is in the bathroom but I decide against it. The last thing I need is to read texts from my Noah right now. He is probably panicking but honestly, as long as he doesn't tell my mom, I don't care as much as I should. If I am completely honest with myself, I haven't felt the same about Noah since I kissed Harry for the first time.
I know I love Noah, I have always loved Noah but I am beginning to question whether I really love him as a boyfriend and someone I could spend my life with or if I love him because he has always been such a stable person in my life. He is always there for me and on paper we are perfect for each other, but I can't ignore the way I feel when I am with Harry. I have never had these types of feelings before. Not just sexually, the way he gives me butterflies just by looking at me, the way I find myself desperately wanting to see him even when I am fuming mad at him, and mostly the way that he always invades my thoughts even when I try to convince myself that I hate him.
Harry has gotten under my skin no matter how hard I try to deny it. I am in his bed, he may never have never slept here before, but I am here with him instead of with Noah. On cue, the door opens and I am snapped from my thoughts. I look up and see Harry in the clean plaid boxers and giggle. They are a little too big and they are much longer than his briefs but they still look great.
"I like them" I smile and he glares at me before turning out the light and switching on the television. He climbs back onto the bed and lays closer to me than I expected, well I never know what to expect from him.
"So what were you going to tell me?" He asks and I cringe, I was hoping he wouldn't bring it up once he got back from cleaning himself off.
"Don't be shy now, you've just made me come in my boxers" he says and pulls me closer to him. I bury my head in the pillow and he laughs.
I pull my head up and Harry tucks my hair behind my ear before giving me a soft kiss on my lips. It's the first time he has kissed me that way and yet it felt more intimate than when we kiss with tongue. He lays his head back on the pillow and changes the channel on the remote. I want him to hold me until I fall asleep but I get the feeling Harry is not a cuddling type of guy. "I want to be good for you, Tess" Harry's words from earlier tonight play in my head and I wonder if he meant them or if he was just really drunk.
"Are you still drunk?" I ask and lay my head on his chest. His body stills but he doesn't push me off.
"No, I think our little screaming match in the yard sobered me up." He says. One of his hands is holding the remote and the other is hanging in the air awkwardly as if he doesn't know what to do with it.
"Oh, well at least something good came out of it." I tell him and he turns his head and looks down at me.
"Yea, I guess so" he says and finally sits his hand on my back. It's an amazing feeling having him hold me, no matter what terrible thing he says to me tomorrow, he can't take this moment away from me. This is my new favorite place to be, with my head on his chest and his arm on my back.
"I think I actually like drunk Harry better." I yawn.
"Is that so?" He says and turns to look at me again.
"Maybe." I tease and close my eyes.
"You're terrible at distractions now tell me."
I might as well just tell him, I know he isn't going to drop it.
"Well, I was just thinking of all the girls you've... you know done things with." I try to hide my face in his chest but he drops the remote on the bed and tilts my chin up to look at him.
"Why were you thinking about that?"
"I don't know.. because I have literally no experience and you have a lot. Steph included." I answer. The image of Harry and Steph together makes me nauseous.
"Are you jealous Tess?" his voice is full of humor.
"No, of course not." I lie.
"So you don't mind if I tell you a few details then?"
"No! Please don't." I beg and he chuckles and wraps his arm a little tighter around me.
He doesn't say anything else about it and I could not be more relieved. I couldn't bare to hear the details of him and Steph's brief fling. I feel my eyes getting heavier and try to focus on the television. I am so comfortable laying here in his arms.
"You're not going to sleep are you? It's still early"
"Is it?" It feels like it has to be at least two in the morning, I arrived here around nine.
"Yea, it's only midnight."
"That isn't early." I yawn again.
"To me it is. Plus, I want to return the favor." What? Oh. My skin is starting to tingle already.
"You want me to, don't you?" He purrs and I gulp. Of course I do. I look up at him and try to hide my eager smile, he notices and he wraps his arm tighter, flipping us over so he is on top of me. He supports his weight with one arm and his other hand reaches down and I bring my leg up to his side, my knee bends and he runs his hand from my ankle to the top of my thigh.
"So soft." He says and repeats the motion. His hand gives my thigh a light squeeze and my skin is covered in goose bumps within seconds. Harry leans up and places a single kiss on the side of my knee causing my leg to jerk . He grabs it and laughs while hooking his arm around my leg again. What is he going to do? The anticipation is driving me crazy.
"I want to taste you Tessa." He says, his eyes are locked to mine to gauge my reaction. My mouth is instantly parched. He can't mean what I think he does right? I am slightly aware that my lips have parted and my mouth is hanging open.
"Down here." he answers my thoughts and brings his hand in between my legs. My lack of experience must astound him because he tries to fight his smile. I frown at him and his finger touches me over my panties making me suck in a breath. His finger makes soft strokes over my sex as he continues to look into my eyes.
"You're already wet for me." his voice is raspier than usual. His hot breath stings my ear and he runs his tongue along my earlobe.
"Could you say something so I don't feel like I am the only one who wants this, even though I know that isn't true." He smirks and I squirm as the applies more pressure to my sensitive area.
I can't find my voice because my body is on fire from his touch. He pulls his hand away and I whimper.
"I didn't want you to stop" I whine.
"Well why didn't you speak up like I told you to." he snaps and I recoil. I don't want this Harry, I want the laughing, playful Harry.
"You were distracting me." I say and move to sit up. He pulls himself up and sits on my thighs, holding his weight on his parted knees.
"So you want to me then?" I know that he is well aware that I do, he just wants to make me say it aloud. I nod and he waves his finger back and forth in front of me.
"No nodding, either you say it or I am going to bed" he says and climbs off of my knees. I mentally weigh the pros and cons of this situation. Is the humiliation of telling Harry that I want him to.. kiss me down there worth the feeling I will get from him doing it? If it feels anywhere near as good as what Harry did to me with his fingers the other day then I know it is worth it. I reach out and grab his bare shoulder to stop him from moving any further away from me.
"Fine, I want you to." I sigh in defeat.
"Want me to what, Theresa?" He has to be kidding me, he knows exactly what he is doing.
"You know... kiss me." I say and his smile grows. He leans over and plants a kiss on my lips.
"Is that what you wanted?" he smirks and I swat his arm. He is going to make me beg him.
"Kiss me.. there." I blush and cover my face with my hands. He pulls them away, laughing and I frown at him.
"You're embarrassing me on purpose." I scowl. His hands are still on mine.
"I know, I am sorry. It's just so strange to me that you haven't done any of this stuff before."
"Ugh, never mind Harry." I don't want to be the center of his joke anymore. The moment has passed and I am now annoyed with his ego. I roll over and lay on my side, facing away from him and cover myself with the blanket.
"Hey, I am sorry." he says but I ignore him. I know part of me is just annoyed at myself that being around Harry has turned me into a typical hormonal teenager.
"Goodnight Harry." I snap and hear him sigh. He mutters something under his breath that sounds like "fine" but I don't ask him to repeat it. I force my eyes closed and try to think of anything besides Harry's tongue as I fall asleep.

I am hot, too hot. I try to pull the covers off of me, but they won't budge. When my eyes open, the night before comes flooding into my mind. Harry screaming at me in the yard, the scotch on his breath, the broken glass in the kitchen, Harry kissing me, Harry moaning as I touched him, his wet boxers. I try to lift up but he is too heavy. I am surprised by his head laying across my chest and the way his arm is wrapped around my waist, his body cloaking mine. He must have moved this way in his sleep. I do admit, I don't want to leave this bed, leave Harry, but I have to. I have to get back to my room, Noah is there. Noah. Noah. I gently push Harry off by his shoulder, rolling him onto his back. I silently pray that he is a heavy sleeper, he rolls onto his stomach and groans but doesn't wake.
I hurry to my feet and grab my scattered clothes off of the floor. Being the coward that I am , I want to be out of here by the time he wakes. I don't think he will mind though, at least he won't have to invest his energy into hurting me on purpose so I will leave on my own. This way is better for both of us, regardless of the way we laughed together last night, nothing is the same in the light of day. Harry will remember how we got along pretty well last night and he will feel the need to be extra hateful to make up for it. It is what he does., and I will not be around this time.
I will be where I belong, away from him. For a second last night, the thought crossed my mind that maybe the night would change Harry's mind, make him want to have more with me, but I know better by now. I fold his t-shirt neatly onto the dresser and zip my skirt, my shirt is wrinkled from laying on the floor last night, but that is the least of my worries at the moment. I slip my feet into my shoes and grab ahold of the door handle.
One more look back won't hurt, I convince myself and look back to a sleeping Harry. His messy hair is sprawled onto the pillow, and his arm is now draped over the side of the bed. He looks so peaceful, so beautiful despite the pieces of metal in his face.
I turn back around and turn the door handle.
"Tess?" My heart drops. I slowly turn back around to him, expecting to see his harsh green eyes staring back at me. Instead, they are closed, a frown is set on his face, but he is still asleep. I can't decide if I am relieved that he is asleep or somber that he called out my name in his sleep. I walk out of the room and gently close the door behind me. I have no idea how to get out of this house, I walk straight down the hall and I am relieved to find the stairs easily. I pad down the stairs and nearly run into Liam. My pulse quickens as I try to think of something to say. His eyes scan my face and he stays silent, waiting for an explanation I assume.
"Liam.. I.." I have no idea what to say.
"Are you okay?" He asks with concern.
"Yea, I am fine. I know you must think.."
"I don't think anything, I really do appreciate you coming. I know you don't like Harry and it means a lot to me that you would come here to help get him in control" Liam tells me.
Oh. He is so nice, too nice. I almost want him to tell me how disgusted he is that I stayed the night with Harry, that I left my boyfriend alone in my room all night after I took his car and ran to Harry's rescue, just so I feel as bad as I should.
"So are you and Harry friends again?" He asks and I shrug.
"I have no idea what we are. I have no idea what I am doing. He just.. he" I break into sobs. Liam wraps his arms around me in a warm and comforting hug.
"It's okay, I know he can be so terrible" Liam says softly. Wait.. he must think that I am crying because Harry did something terrible to me. He would probably never assume that I am crying because of my feelings for Harry.
"It's not that Liam.." I sob. I need to get out of here before I ruin Liam's good opinion of me and before Harry wakes up.
"I have to go, Noah is waiting" I say and Liam gives me a sympathetic smile before saying goodbye. I get into Noah's car and drive back to my dorm as fast as I can. I cry most of the way there, how will I explain this all to Noah? I know I have to , I can't lie to him. I just can't imagine how much this will hurt him. I am a terrible person for doing this to him, why couldn't I just stay away from Harry?
I have calmed myself as much as I can before I pull into the parking lot. I walk as slow as I can to my room, I don't know how I am going to face Noah. When I open the door, Noah is laying back on my small bed staring at the ceiling. He jumps up when I say his name.
"Jesus Tessa! Where have you been all night? I've been calling you non stop!" He shouts. This is the first time Noah has ever actually raised his voice at me. We have bickered before but he hasn't ever yelled at me.
"I am so sorry Noah, I went to Liam's house because Harry was drunk and he was breaking things, and the time just got lost I guess and by the time we cleaned up, it was so late and my phone was dead" I lie. I can't believe I am lying straight to his face, all the times he has been here for me and here I am lying to him. I know I should tell him but I can't imagine hurting him.
"Harry was breaking stuff? Are you okay? Why did you stay there if he was being violent?" I feel like he is asking me a thousand questions at once.
"He wasn't being violent, he was just drunk, he wouldn't hurt me" I say and cover my mouth, desperately trying to push the words back in.
"What do you mean he wouldn't hurt you? You don't even know him Tessa." He snaps and walks towards me.
"I am just saying that he wouldn't hurt me like psychically, I know him well enough to know that. I was just trying to help Liam" I say. Harry would hurt me emotionally, he already has and I am sure he will try again. It's ironic that I am defending him right now and he isn't here.
"I thought you were going to stop hanging around those type of people? Didn't you promise me and your mom that you would? Tessa, they aren't good people for you to be around. You've started drinking and staying out all night and you left me here all night. I don't know why you even had me come here if you were just going to leave" He sits down on the bed and rests his head on his hands.
"They aren't bad people, you don't know them. When did you become so judgmental?" I ask him. I should be begging for him to forgive me for staying out all night but I am irritated by the way he is talking about my friends. Mostly Harry, my subconscious reminds me and I want to slap her.
"I am not judgmental but you would have never hung out with those gothic people before"
"They aren't gothic Noah, they are themselves. They don't care to be like us, that doesn't make them any different from us" I say. I am as surprised by my words as Noah is.
"Well, I don't like you hanging out with them, they are changing you. You aren't the same Tessa that I fell in love with" his voice isn't malicious at all, just sad.
"Well Noah.." I begin and the door flies open. My eyes follow Noah's to an angry Harry storming into the room.

I look at Harry, then at Noah, and back to Harry. There is no way this is going to go well.
"What are you doing here?" I ask Harry, even though I do not want to hear the answer, especially not in front of Noah.
"What do you think I am doing here! You snuck out on me while I was asleep, what the hell was that?!" Harry booms. I hold my breath as his voice echoes off the wall. Noah's face flashes with anger and I know he is beginning to put the puzzle pieces together.
I am torn between trying to explain to Noah what is going on and trying to explain to Harry why I left.
"Answer me!" Harry yells and stands in front of my face. I am surprised when Noah steps between us.
"Don't yell at her" he warns Harry. I am frozen in place when Harry's face twists in anger. Why is he so mad that I left? He would have kicked me out anyway. I need to say something before this all blows up in my face. He is probably only angry that he didn't get to make me cry first/
"Harry.. please don't do this right now." I beg. If he leaves now, I can try to explain to Noah what is going on.
"Do what Theresa?" Harry asks and walks around Noah. I hope Noah keeps his distance, I don't think Harry will hesitate to knock him over. Noah is pretty buff, especially compared to Harry's lean body but I have no doubt Harry will hold his own, and most likely win. What the hell is happening in my life that I have to worry about Noah and Harry fighting?
"Harry, please just go and we will talk about this later" I say and Noah shakes his head.
"Talk about what? What the hell is going on Tessa?" Noah cuts in. Oh god.
"Tell him, go on and tell him" Harry says. I can't believe he is doing this. I know how cruel he can be but this takes it to a whole other level.
"Tell me what Tessa?" Noah asks.
"Nothing, just that I stayed at Harry and Liam's last night" I lie. I try to match my gray eyes to Harry's in hopes that he will stop this now but he looks away immediately.
"Tell him Tessa or I will" Harry growls and I begin to cry.
"Noah.. and Harry have been.." I start. Harrys angry face shifts to smug. I can't believe I spent the night with him, last night it felt amazing but I knew I would end up regretting it. I just didn't know it would get this bad first.
"Oh my god" Noah stutters and his eyes begin to water. How could I do this to him? What the hell was I thinking? Noah is so kind and Harry is cruel enough to make me tell Noah about us in front of him. His hands go to his forehead and he shakes his head.
"How could you Tessa? After everything we have been through? When did this start?" Tears stream down his face from his blue eyes. I have never felt this terrible, I caused those tears. I look over at Harry and then back to Noah. My hate for Harry consumes me and I shove him back instead of answering Noah. Harry is caught off guard and stumbles backwards but steadies himself before he falls.
"Noah, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." I am being honest, I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
I suppose I was thinking that Harry could be decent and maybe I could break up with Noah and date Harry. How stupid can I be? Or that I could stay away from Harry and Noah would never know about what happened between us. The problem is that I can't stay away from Harry. I am too far gone, too far under his spell, and he didn't hesitate to curse me.
Both are stupid and naïve options but I am haven't made one good choice since I have met Harry.
"I don't know what you were thinking either, I don't even know you anymore" Noah shouts and walks towards the door.
"Noah please! Wait!" I scream and rush after him. Harry grabs my arm and tries to pull me back.
"Don't touch me! I can't believe you! This is low Harry, even for you" I scream and jerk my arm out of his grasp. I push him again. I have never pushed anyone in my life except him, multiple times.
"If you go after him, I am done" He says and my mouth falls open. Done with that?
"Done? Done with what? Fucking with my emotions? I hate you!! You can't end something that never began" I say, my voice no longer shouting. His hands fall to his sides and his mouth opens but no words come out.
"Noah!" I call and rush out the door. I run down the hall and finally catch up to him in the parking lot. He notices me and walks faster.
"Noah, please listen. I am sorry, so sorry. I was drinking, I know that isn't an excuse but I.." I wipe my eyes and his face softens.
"I can't listen to anymore.." he says. His eyes are red. I reach for his hand and he pulls away.
"Noah please, I am so sorry. Please forgive me" I can't lose him and Harry in one day. Even though Harry was never mine and never would be, it still hurts to see his newest level of hatred for me. Especially after the way he held me and called my name in his sleep.
"I just need some time, Tessa. I don't know what to think" He says and runs his hair over his perfectly gelled hair.
"Okay" I sigh in defeat. He just needs time to get over this and we can go back to normal.
"I love you Tessa" he says and catches me by surprise when he kisses my forehead and climbs into his car.

I walk back to my room and hope that Harry is gone, I can't bare to even look at him. Being the disgusting person that he is, he is sitting on my bed when I return. Visions of me grabbing the lamp and bashing him in the head go though my mind, but I don't have the energy to fight with him.
"I'm not going to apologize" Harry tells me as I walk past him towards Steph's bed. I will not sit on my bed with him.
"I know you aren't" I say and lay back.
I won't let him bait me into this fight and I never expected him to apologize. I know him better by now. Well, in all honesty I don't know him at all. Last night I thought he was just an angry boy who's father left him and he held onto the hurt, using the only emotion he could to keep people out. This morning I see that he is just a terrible, hateful person. There is nothing good about Harry, anytime I believed there was, was only because that is what he wanted me to believe.
"He needed to know" he says and I bite down on my lip to prevent the tears from returning. I stay quiet until I hear Harry get up and move towards me.
"Just go Harry" When I look up he is standing over me, he sits down on the bed and I jump up.
"He needed to know" he repeats and anger boils inside me. I know he is doing this on purpose just to get a rise out of me.
"Why Harry? Why did he need to know? How could hurting him possibly be a good thing? You weren't affected one bit by him not knowing, you could have went on with your day without telling him. You had no right to do that to him, or me." I feel the tears coming again but this time I can't stop them.
"I would want to know if I was him" he says, his voice is steady and cold.
"You aren't him though, and you never will be. I was stupid to think you could possibly be anything close to him. And since when do you care about what is right?"
"Don't you dare compare me to him" he snaps. I hate the way he chooses only one of my statements to respond to. He stands up and moves toward me but I back away, keeping the distance between us at least five feet.
"There is no comparison. Don't you get that by now? You are a cruel and disgusting jerk who doesn't give a shit about anyone but yourself and he loves me. He is willing to try to forgive me for my mistakes. My terrible mistakes." I add.
Harry takes a step back as if I pushed him.
"Forgive you?"
"Yea, he will forgive me for this. I know he will. Because he loves me, so your evil plan to get him to break up with me so you can sit back and laugh didn't work. Now get out of my room."
"That wasn't.. I.." He starts to say but I cut him off. I have wasted enough time on him already.
"Get out! I know you're probably already plotting your next move against me, but guess what Harry? It isn't going to work anymore, now get the fuck out of my room" I am surprised by my harsh words but I don't feel bad for using them against Harry.
"That isn't what I am doing Tess, I thought after last night...I don't know, I thought you and I.." He seems to be at a loss for words, which is a first. Part of me, a huge part of me is dying to know what he is going to say but this is how I got so tangled in his web in the first place. He uses my curiosity against me, it is all a game to him. I furiously wipe my eyes, I am thankful I didn't wear makeup yesterday.
"You aren't really expecting me to buy that are you? That you feel any differently about me than you did before?" I need to stop and he needs to leave before his claws sink deeper into me.
"Of course I do, Tessa. You make me feel so.."
"No! I don't want to hear it Harry. I know you're lying and this is your sick way of getting off. To make me believe that you could possibly feel the same way about me as I do about you then you will flip the switch. I know how this goes by now, and I won't keep it going."
"Feel the same way you do? Are you saying that you.. you have feelings for me?" His eyes flash with what appears to be hope. He is a better actor than I thought.
He knows I do, he has to know that. What other reason could there be for me to keep this unhealthy cycle between us going? I realize that I have barely admitted my feelings for Harry to myself, and now I have just put them out there in front of Harry, giving him easy access to smash them. Worse than he already has.
'Leave Harry, I won't ask again. If you don't leave I will call campus security." I tell him and mean it. I feel my walls slowly being torn down by the way Harry is looking at me and I can't let it happen.
"Tess, please answer me." he begs.
"Don't call me Tess, that name is reserved for friends and family, people who actually care about me. Now leave!' I yell, much louder than I had planned. I need him to get out and get away from me. I hate when he calls me Theresa, but I hate when he calls me Tess even more. Something about the way his lips move when he says it makes it sound so intimate, so lovely. Damn it, Tessa. Just stop.
"Please, I need to know if you.."
"What a long weekend, I am exhausted!" Steph says as she walks into the room. Her eyes narrow at Harry as she notices my tear stained cheeks.
"What is going on? What did you do?!" She yells at Harry. "Where is Noah?" She asks and looks at me.
"He left, just as Harry is about to" I tell her.
"Tessa.." Harry begins.
"Steph, please make him leave" I beg and she nods. Harry's mouth falls open with annoyance at my use of Steph against him. He thought he had me trapped again.
"Harry, lets go." She says and grabs his arm, dragging him towards the door. I refuse to look back at him. I stare at the wall until I hear the door shut. I immediately hear their voices in the hall.
"What the hell Harry? I told you to stay away from her, she is my roommate and she is not like the other girls you mess with. She is innocent and she is honestly too good for you" She says to him. I am pleased and surprised by the way she is sticking up for me.
It still doesn't soothe the pain in my chest. My heart literally hurts. I thought I had experienced heartbreak after my day alone with Harry last week, but that was nothing compared to how I feel right now. I hate to admit it to myself but I know that spending the night with Harry last night made my feelings for him so much stronger than they already were. Hearing him laugh while he tickled me , the way he gently kissed my lips, his tattooed arms wrapped around me, and the way his eyes fluttered and closed when I traced my fingers over his bare skin, all made me fall deeper for him. Those intimate moments between us that made me care for him more, also make this hurt so much more. On top of that I have hurt Noah in a way that I can only pray he forgives me.
"It's not like that" his accent is thick and his voice angry.
"Bullshit Harry, I know you. Find someone else to mess around with, there are plenty of other girls. She isn't the type of girl you need to be doing this with, she has a boyfriend and she is too sensitive to just be friends with benefits"
I don't like hearing her say that I am too sensitive but I guess she is right. I have done nothing but cry since I met Harry and now he has tried to ruin my relationship with Noah. I don't; have what it takes to be friends with benefits either, regardless of how he makes me feel. I have more respect for myself than that and I am too emotional.
"Fine. I will stay away from her. But don't bring her to anymore parties at my house. I mean it, I don't want to see her again and if I do, I will ruin her" he snaps and I hear Steph grab the door handle.
To be continued


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