Sunday, 20 May 2018

AFTER ROMANCE Episode 26-30

I try to study when I get back to my room but I can't focus. After staring at my notes for an hour, I decide to go take a shower. The co-ed bathrooms still make me uncomfortable when they are crowded but no one ever messes with me. The hot water feels amazing and loosens up my tense muscles. I should feel relieved and happy that Harry and I have reached some sort of truce but now the anger and annoyance has been replaced by nervousness and confusion. I have agreed to spend time with Harry tomorrow, doing something "fun" and I am terrified. I just hope it goes well and we can be friends, I don't expect to become best friends with him but I need us to get to a place where we don't scream at each other every time we talk.
When I get back to my room, I find a note from Steph saying Tristan is taking her off campus for dinner. I like Niall's roommate Tristan, he seems really nice despite his over use of eyeliner. If Steph and Tristan continue to see each other then maybe when Noah comes to visit we could all go do something together. Who am I kidding? I know Noah would not want to hang out with people like Tristan and Steph, and I will admit that up until three weeks ago I never would have either.
I end up calling Noah before bed, we haven't talked all day.
"Hey Tessa how was your day?" He asks me as soon as he picks up.
"It was good, long but good" I should tell him that Harry and I are going to hang out tomorrow.
"That's good to hear. I had a soccer game tonight in Seattle, I am just now getting back"
"That's awesome, how did it go?" He tells me how they beat Seattle High by a landslide, even though they are one of the best teams in the state. We talk about his family and before I know it we are getting off the phone. I couldn't find the right time to mention my plans with Harry tomorrow, honestly I didn't try.
The next day goes by far too fast. Liam and I walk into Literature and Harry is already in his seat.
"Are you ready for our date tonight?" Harry asks and my mouth falls open. Liam's does too.
"It's not a date, we are only hanging out as friends" I tell Liam, ignoring Harry. Day one of our quest to become friends is not going well so far.
"Same thing" Harry smirks and I roll my eyes. I avoid him the rest of the class which is easy since he doesn't try to talk to me.
"Be careful tonight" Liam tells me after class.
"I will, we are just trying to be civil since my roommate is his friend"
"I know, you're really a great friend to her. I am just not sure Harry deserves your kindness" he says and I look up at him.
"Don't you have something else to do besides bad mouth me? Get lost" Harry snaps from behind me. Liam frowns and looks at me again.
"Remember what I said" he says and walks away.
"You don't have to be cruel to him, you guys are practically brothers" I say and his eyes go wide.
"What did you just say?" He growls.
"You know, your dad and his mom?" Was Liam lying? Or was I not supposed to mention this. Liam said not to mention Harry's relationship with his dad but I didn't think he meant the whole thing.
"That is none of your business, I don't know why the asshole even told you that. I am going to have to shut him up it seems"
"You leave him alone Harry, he didn't even want to tell me but I got it out of him" I defend him. The idea of Harry hurting Liam makes me sick. I need to change the subject. "So where are we going today?" I ask and he glares at me.
"We aren't going anywhere, this was a bad idea" he snaps, turns on his heels and walks away.
What the hell? He really is bi-polar, I am sure of it. The anger and frustration I feel towards Harry returns and I make my way back to my room. When I open the door I find Zayn, Tristan and Steph inside. I would usually be annoyed with this many unexpected guests but I need the distraction and I really like Zayn and Tristan.
"Hey Tessa! How were your classes today?" She asks and gives me a big smile. I can't help but notice the way Tristan's face lights up when Steph smiles.
"They were okay, you?" I sit my books on my dresser and she tells me about her professor spilling coffee on himself so they got out early.
"You look nice today Tessa" Zayn tells me and I thank him and sit on Steph's bed with the three of them. The bed really is too small for all of us but it works. The door opens a few minutes later and we all turn to see who it is. It's Harry. Ugh.
"Geez Harry you could at least knock for once" Steph scolds him and he shrugs. "I could have been naked or something." she says and he laughs. She smiles, obviously not angry at his lack of manners but I am sure she is used to him walking in here all the time.
"It's nothing I haven't seen before" he jokes and Tristan's face falls while everyone laughs. I can't find the humor either, I hate thinking about Steph and Harry together.
"Oh shut up" she says, still laughing and grabs ahold of Tristan's hand. His smile returns and he moves a little closer to her.
"What are you guys up to?" Harry asks and sits on my bed. I want to tell him to get off but I keep quiet. I thought for a second he had come here to apologize but now I know he just came to hang out with his friends and I am not one of them.
"We were actually going to go to the movies, Tessa you should come" Zayn smiles. Before I can answer Harry interrupts.
"Actually Tessa and I have plans" he says, there is a strange edge behind his voice. He is so moody.
"What?" Zayn and Steph say in unison.
"Yea, we have plans. I was just coming to get her" Harry smiles and stands up. "You ready or what?" My mind screams 'No!' but I nod.
"Well we will see you all later" Harry announces and practically pushes me out of the door. He leads me to his car and surprising me, he opens the passenger door. I stand still with my arms crossed.
"I will remember not to ever open a door for you again" he snaps and I shake my head.
"What the hell was that? I know you didn't come here to get me, you just told me that you didn't want to hang out with me" I yell. We are back to yelling at each other. He makes me crazy, literally.
"Yes I did, now get in the car"
"No! If you don't admit that you didn't come here to see me, I will go back in there and go to the movies with Zayn" I tell him and he clenches his jaw. I knew it. I don't know how to feel about this revelation but somehow I knew Harry didn't want me to go to the movies with Zayn and that is the only reason he is trying to hang out with me now. "Admit it Harry or I am going"
"Okay, fine. I admit it. Now get in the damned car. I won't ask again" he says and gets in the car. Against my better judgment, I get into the car. Harry still looks angry as he pulls out of the parking lot. He turns the screaming music up way too loud. I reach down and shut it off.
"Don't touch my radio" he snaps.
"If you're going to be a jerk the whole time I don't want to hang out with you" I say and mean it.
"I'm not, just don't touch my radio." My thoughts go back to him tossing my notes into the air and I want to yank his radio out and throw it out the window. If I knew I could, I would.
"Why do you care if I go to the movies with Zayn? Steph and Tristan were going too"
"I just don't think Zayn has the best intentions" he says quietly, his eyes glued to the road.
I begin to laugh and he frowns. "Oh, and you do? At least Zayn is nice to me" I can't stop laughing. The idea of Harry trying to protect me in some way is hilarious. Zayn is a friend, nothing more. Just like Harry.
Harry rolls his eyes but doesn't give me an answer. He turns the music back on and the screaming music literally hurts my ears.
"Can you please turn it down" I beg.
He turns it down but still leaves it on. "That music is terrible" I tell him and he laughs.
"No it's not, I would love to know your opinion on good music" he smiles. He looks so carefree with his window down, the breeze blowing through his hair. He reaches one hand up and pushes his hair back. I love the way his hair looks when it is pushed back. I shake the thoughts from my head.
"Well I like Bon Iver, and The Fray" I finally answer.
"Of course you do" he chuckles.
"What is wrong with them? They are insanely talented and their music is wonderful" I defend my two favorite bands.
"Yea.. they are talented. I hear their specialty is putting people to sleep" he laughs and I reach across and playfully swat his shoulder.
"Well, I love them" I say with a smile. If we could just stay in this playful state, I might actually have a good time. "Where are we going?"
"We are going to one of my favorite places"
"Which is where?"
"You really have to know everything that is going on don't you?"
"Yea.. I like to.."
"Control everything?" he interrupts and I stay quiet. I know he is right but that's just the way I am. "Well, I am not telling you until we get there.. which will be only about five minutes from now" he tells me and I sit back against the leather seat of his car. What kind of car is this anyway?
"What kind of car is this?" I ask him. I need a distraction from not knowing where we are going.
"Its a Ford Carpi, a classic" he boasts, obviously proud of his car. He goes on to tell me about it even though I have no idea what he is talking about. I like to watch his lips as he talks, the way they move slowly as the words are even slower. "I don't like to be stared at" he says harshly but smiles a little after.
"I .. I was just listening" I lie, my mouth dry.
"We are here" he says and pulls onto a gravel road.

I keep quiet as Harry continues down the gravel road. He turns the music off finally so the only noise is the gravel crunching beneath the tires. We are out in the middle of nowhere. I am nervous now, we are alone, really alone. There are no cars, no buildings, nothing.
"Don't worry, I didn't bring you out here to kill you" he jokes and I gulp. I am more afraid of what I might do when alone with him than if he was to actually try to kill me.
He continues to drive for another mile and finally stops the car. I look out the window and see nothing but grass and trees. Granted, it is nice and serene out here. There are yellow wildflowers littering the land, and the breeze is perfectly warm. But why did he bring me here? "What are we going to do here?" I ask him as I climb out of the car.
"We have a bit of walking to do first" he informs me and I groan. So he took me here to exercise? He must notice my sour expression because he says, "Not too much walking" He begins walking along a part of the grass that is flattened, almost like a trial from being walked on many times.
We both stay quiet for most of the walk, except a few rude remarks from Harry about me being too slow. I ignore him and take in my surroundings. I am beginning to understand why he likes this seemingly random place, it is so quiet. I could stay here forever as long as I brought a book with me. He turns off the trail and goes into a wooded area, I am a little suspicious but I follow. A few minutes later we emerge from the woods to a stream, or maybe a river, I have no idea where we are but the stream is quite big and looks pretty deep.
Harry doesn't say anything as he pulls his shirt over his head then bends down to untie his dirty black boots. "Why are you undressing?" I ask and look at the stream. Oh no. "You are going to swim? In that?" I say and point to the water.
"Yea, I do it all the time. You are too" he unbuttons his pants and I have to force myself to not stare at the way the muscles in his back move when he bends down to pull his pants through his legs.
"I am not swimming in that" I don't mind swimming, but not in a random stream in the middle of nowhere.
"And why is that? It's clean enough that you can see the bottom"
"So.. there are probably fish and god knows what in there" I realize how ridiculous I sound but I don't care. "Besides you didn't tell me we were going swimming so I have nothing to swim in" he can't argue with that.
"You're not wearing a bra and panties?" he smirks and I gape at him. So he thought I would come out here and take all my clothes off to swim with him? My insides stir as I think about being naked in the water with Harry. What is he doing to me? I have never, ever had these types of thoughts before him.
"I am not swimming in my bra and panties you creep" I say and sit on the soft grass. "I will just watch" I tell him and he frowns. He is now only in his boxer briefs, the black material is tight against his body. This is the second time I have seen him in just his boxers and he looks even better this time.
"You are no fun. You're missing out" he says and jumps into the water. I keep my eyes on the grass and pluck a few blades out, playing with them between my fingers. "The water is warm Tess" Harry calls from the stream. From my spot on the grass, I can see the drops of water falling from his now black hair. He is smiling as he pushes his soaked hair back and wipes his face off with one hand.
For a moment I find myself wishing I was someone else, someone braver, like Steph. If I was Steph, I would strip down and jump into the warm water with Harry. I would splash around and climb up the bank just to jump back into the water. I would be fun and carefree. But I am not Steph, I am Tessa.
"This friendship is beyond boring so far" Harry laughs and swims closer to the bank. I roll my eyes and he chuckles. "At least take your shoes off and put your feet in, it feels amazing and pretty soon it will be too cold to swim in"
Putting my feet in wouldn't be so bad. I take my shoes off and roll my jeans up enough to dip my feet over the edge and into the water. Harry was right, the water is warm and clear. I wiggle my toes and can't help but smile.
"It's nice isn't it?" he asks and I nod. "Just come in"
I shake my head and he splashes me with the water. I scoot back and scowl at him. "If you come in the water, I will answer one of your always intrusive questions. Any question that you want, but only one" he warns.
Curiosity gets the best of me and I tilt my head in concentration. I always have so many questions for Harry and for once he is offering to answer one of them.
"My offer expires in one minute." he says and disappears under the water. I can see his long body swimming under the clear water. It does look like fun and Harry drives a hard bargain, using my curiosity against me.
"Stop overthinking everything, just jump in"
"I don't have anything to wear, if I jump in in my clothes I will have to walk back to the car and drive back soaked" I whine. I almost want to get in the water. Okay, I know I do.
"Wear my shirt" he offers and I am shocked. His offer is way out of character and I wait a second for him to tell me he was joking, but he doesn't.
"Go on, just wear my shirt. It will be long enough for you to wear in here and you can keep your bra and panties on, if you wish" he says with a smile. I take his advice and stop thinking.
"Fine, but turn around and do not look at me while I am changing, I mean it!" I try my best to be intimidating but he just laughs. He turns around and faces the opposite direction as I lift my shirt over my head and grab his as quickly as I can. He was right, his shirt hits the middle of my thighs. I can't help but admire the way his shirt smells, like faint cologne and a smell I can only describe as Harry.
"Hurry the hell up or I will turn around" he says and I wish I had a stick to throw at his head. I unbutton my loose jeans pull them down, stepping out of them. I fold my jeans and shirt neatly and put them next to my shoes on the grass. Harry turns around and I tug at the bottom of his black t-shirt trying to pull it as far as it will go.
His eyes widen and I watch them rake down my body. He takes his lip ring between his teeth and I notice his cheeks flush. He must be cold because I know it couldn't possibly be me he is reacting to.
"Uhm.. come in the water, yea?" he says, his voice raspier than usual. I nod and walk slowly to the bank. "Just jump in"
"I am! I am!" I yell and he laughs.
"Get a little running start" he instructs.
"Okay" I step back a little and start to run a little, I feel foolish but I am not letting my tendency to overthink ruin this. As I reach my last stride, I look at the water and stop with my feet right on the edge.
"Oh come on! You were off to a good start" he laughs. His head falls back and he looks adorable. Harry, adorable?
"I can't!" I am not sure what is stopping me, the water is deep enough to jump in but not too deep. The spot where Harry is standing only goes to his chest, which would reach just under my chin.
"Are you afraid?" his tone is calm but serious.
"No.. I don't know. Sort of" I admit and he walks through the water towards me.
"Sit on the edge and I will help you in"
I sit down and close my legs tightly so he doesn't see my panties. He notices and laughs as he reaches me. His hands grip my thighs and once again I am on fire. Why does my body have to respond to him this way? I am trying to become friends with him so I need to ignore the fire. He moves his hands to my waist and gives me a small smile.
"Ready?" he asks and I nod. A second later he is lifting me and pulling me into the water. The water is warm and feels amazing against my hot skin. Harry lets me go too soon and I stand up in the water. We are closer to the bank so it only reaches just below my chest.
"Don't just stand there" he mocks and I ignore him but walk out a little. The t-shirt flies up from the water going under it and I yelp and pull it down. Once it is positioned, it stays put for the most part.
You could just take it off" he smirks and I splash at him.
"Did you just splash me?" he laughs and I nod, splashing at him again. He shakes his wet head and lunges for me under the water. His long arms hook around my waist and pull me under the water. My hand flies up to plug my nose, I haven't mastered swimming without my nose plugged. When I emerge from the water Harry is cracking up and I can't help but laugh with him. I am actually having fun, real fun, not watching a good movie fun.
"I can't decide which is more amusing, the fact that you are actually having a good time or the fact that you have to plug your nose underwater" he says through his laughter. I get a jolt of bravery and move towards him, ignoring the t-shirt coming up again and try to push his head underwater. Of course he is too strong for me and doesn't budge, he only laughs harder. Why can't he be like this all the time?
"I believe you owe me an answer to a question" I remind him and he frowns.
"Sure, only one"
I am not sure which one to ask, I have so many. Before I can decide, I hear my voice making the decision for me. "Who do you love the most in the world?" Why would I ask him that? I want to know more specific things like why he is a jerk? Why is he in America?
He looks at me suspiciously, as if he is confused by my question. "Myself" he answers and goes back underwater. He pops back up and I shake my head.
"That can't be true" I know he is arrogant but he has to love someone.. anyone? One of his parents a sibling? "What about your parents?" I ask and immediately regret it. His face twists and his eyes lose the softness I was becoming fond of.
"Do not speak of my parents again, got it?" He snaps and I want to smack myself for ruining the good time we were having.
"I'm sorry, I was just curious. You said you would answer a question" I remind him softly. His face softens a little and he steps towards me, the water around us rippling.
"I really am sorry Harry, I won't mention them again" I promise. I really don't want to fight with him out here, he would probably leave me out here alone.
He takes me by surprise when he grabs my waist and lifts me into the air. I kick my legs and flail my arms, screaming at him to put me down. He laughs and tosses me into the water. I land a few feet away and when I come above water he is smiling again.
"You're going to pay for that!" I yell and he laughs. I swim towards him and he grabs me again but this time I wrap my thighs around his waist, a shocked gasp falls from his lips. "Sorry" I mutter and unhook my legs. He grabs them and places them back around his waist. That electricity between us appears again, this time more wild than ever before. Why does this always happen with him? I shut my mind off from my thoughts and wrap my arms around his neck to steady myself.
"What are you doing to me, Tess" he says softly and rubs his thumb over my bottom lip.
"I don't know" I answer truthfully and he chuckles, his thumb still tracing over my lip.
"These lips.. the things you could do with them" he says slowly and seductively. I feel that burn deep in my stomach and I am putty in his arms. "Do you want me to stop?" he looks into my eyes, his pupils are dilated so much that there is only a slight ring around the now dark green of his eyes.
Before my mind can catch up I shake my head and press my body against his under the water.
"We can't just be friends, you know that don't you?" His lips touch my jaw, making me tremble. He continues a line of kisses along my jawline and I nod. I know he is right, I have no idea what this is that we are but I know I will never be able to only be friends with Harry. As his lips touch the spot just below my ear I moan and Harry does it again, this time sucking the skin.
"Oh, Harry" I moan and wrap my legs tighter. I bring my hands down his back and graze my nails against his skin. I might explode just from him kissing my neck alone.
"I want to make you moan my name Tessa, over and over again. Please let me?" His voice is full of desperation. There is no way I can say no.

"Say it, Tessa" He says into my ear then takes my ear lobe between his teeth. I nod again, this time harder. "I need you to say it baby, out loud so I know you really want me to" His hand travels down and under his t-shirt that I am wearing.
"I want to" I rush the words and he smiles against my neck, his mouth continuing his gentle assault. He doesn't say anything, instead he grabs my thighs, lifting me higher onto his torso and begins to walk out of the water. As he reaches the bank he lets me go and I whine, inflaming his ego even more but I don't care. All I know is that I want him, I need him. He reaches out for my hands and pulls me up onto the bank with him.
I am unsure what to do so I just stand on the grass, Harry's shirt is heavy and soaked with water. "Do you want it to be here? Or my room?" He asks and I shrug nervously. I don't want to go to his room because the drive there will give me too much time to overthink what I am about to do.
"Here" I say and look around. There is no one in sight and I pray that no one will come here.
"Eager?" He smiles and I roll my eyes. The heat in my body is slowly burning out the longer Harry's touch is not on me. "Come here" he says in a low voice and the heat returns.
My feet pad quietly across the soft grass and I stop only inches from Harry. His hands immediately reach for the hem of his soaked t-shirt and he peels it off of my body. The way he looks at me alone drives me crazy, my hormones are out of control. My pulse speeds up as he looks my body up and down one more time before taking my hand.
"Lay down on the shirt" He says and moves down to the ground with me. He lays me onto the wet shirt and leans himself up on his elbow to hold his weight so he is laying on his side, facing me as I lay on my back. No one has ever seen me this exposed before and Harry has seen so many girls, girls much better looking than me. My hands move up to cover my body, Harry sits up and grabs both of my wrists and pushes them down to my sides.
"Don't ever cover up, not for me" he says and looks into my eyes.
"It's just.." I begin to explain but he cuts me off.
"No, you will not cover up, you have nothing to be ashamed of Tess" does he mean that? "I mean it, look at you" he says, seeming to read my mind.
"You've been with so many girls" I point out and he frowns.
"None like you" I could take his answer many different ways but I choose to let it go.
"Do you have a condom?" I ask him, trying to remember the few things I know about sex.
"A condom?" He chuckles. "I'm not going to have sex with you" he says and I begin to panic. Is this all a game to humiliate me?
"Oh" Is all I say, I begin to pull myself up but he grabs my shoulders and gently pushes me back down.
"Where are you going? " Realization hits him, "Oh.. no I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that you have never done anything.. at all so I am not going to have sex with you. Today" he adds and I feel a little bit of the pressure in my chest dissolve.
"There are many other things I want to do to you first" he says in my ear and climbs on top of me, all of his weight supported on his hands. He is in a push-up position, his wet hair drips water droplets onto my face and I squirm.
"I can't believe no one has fucked you before" he whispers and he shifts his body to lay on his side once again. He brings his hand to my neck and trails it down, only touching me with his fingertips, then down the valley of my breasts, down my stomach and he stops just above my panties. We are really doing this, me and Harry. What is he going to do? Will it hurt? A hundred thoughts race through my mind but disappear as soon as his hand reaches into my panties. I hear him suck a breath through his teeth and he brings his mouth to mine.
"Does that feel good?" He asks into my mouth. It feels like he is just rubbing me, how does it feel so good? I nod and he slows his fingers down.
"Does it feel better than when you do it?" What?
"Does it? " He asks again.
"Wh..what?" I manage to say even though I have no control of my body or mind right now.
"When you touch yourself? Does it feel like this? Wait.. you've never done that either have you?" his voice is full of surprise and something else.. lust? He goes back to kissing me and his fingers keep moving up and down. "You're so responsive to me, so wet" he says and I moan. Why are these filthy words so hot when Harry says them? I feel a gentle pinch and it sends a shock through my whole body.
"What? Was.. that" I half ask half moan. He chuckles and doesn't answer but I feel him do it again and my back arches off of the grass. His mouth travels down to my neck, then my chest. His tongue dips down under the cup of my bra and his hand massages the other. I feel a pressure building in my stomach and it is pure bliss. I pinch my eyes closed and bite down on my lip, my back lifts off the grass once again and my legs begin to shake.
"That's right Tessa, come for me" he says and I feel like I am spiraling out of control. "Look at me baby" he purrs and I open my eyes, and look at him, The sight of his mouth nipping the skin on my chest sends me over the edge and my vision goes white for a few seconds. "Harry" I repeat and I can tell by the way his cheeks flush that he loves it. He pulls his hand out and rests it on my stomach as I try to return my breathing to normal. My body has never felt so relaxed before.
"I'll give you a minute to recover" he laughs to himself and moves away from me. I frown, I want him to stay close. After the best few minutes of my life I sit up and look towards Harry. He has his jeans and shoes on.
"We are leaving already?" The embarrassment clear in my voice. I had assumed he would want me to touch him too, I know I don't know what to do but he could explain it to me.
"Yea, you wanted to stay longer?"
"I just thought.. I don't know. I thought maybe you would want something.." I have no idea how to say this. Lucky for me he catches on.
"Oh, no. I am okay, for now" he says and gives me a small smile. Is he going to go back to being mean again? I hope not, not after this. I have just shared the most intimate experience I have ever had with him, I won't be able to stand it if he treats me terribly again. He did say 'for now' so he wants something later? I am already starting to regret this. I put my clothes on over my wet bra and panties and try to ignore the wetness between my thighs. Harry picks up his wet shirt and hands it to me.
He takes in my confused expression and says, "to wipe off" Oh. I unbutton my pants and he doesn't bother to turn around as I do what he recommended and hand him his shirt back. He doesn't seem bothered by it as he carries the shirt in his hand while I step into my shoes. The air around has changed from passionate to distant and I find myself wishing to be as far away from him as possible.
I wait for him to talk to me as we walk back to the car, but he doesn't. My mind is already coming up with every possible worst case scenario that will occur next. He opens my door for me and I nod to thank him.
"Is something wrong?" He asks me while he drives back down the gravel road.
"I don't know. Why are you being so weird now?" I ask him, even though I am afraid of his answer.
"I'm not, you are"
"No, you haven't said a word to me since..you know"
"Since I gave you your first orgasm?" he finishes for me and my mouth drops. Why am I still surprised by his dirty mouth?
"Uhm, yea. Since that, you haven't said anything. You just got dressed and we left. It makes me feel like you're using me or something" Honesty seems to be the best option right now.
"What? Of course I am not using you. To use someone I would have to be getting something out of it" he says and I feel the tears coming. I do my best to swallow them back but one escapes.
"Are you crying? What did I say? " he reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh. To my surprise it soothes me. "I didn't mean it like that, I am sorry. I am not used to whatever is supposed to happen after messing around with someone, plus I wasn't going to just drop you off at your room and go our separate ways, I thought maybe we could get some dinner or something? I am sure you're starving" he smirks and squeezes my thigh gently.
I smile back at him, I am relieved by his words. I don't know what it is about Harry that makes me so emotional , in every way possible. The idea of him using me makes me more upset than it should and for the first time since he picked me up I remember I have a boyfriend. My feelings for Harry are so confusing, I hate him one minute and want to kiss him the next. He makes me feel things I never knew I could, not just sexually. He makes me laugh and cry, yell and scream, but most of all he makes me feel alive.

"So what type of food do you like?" Harry asks and I laugh. What a normal question for him to ask me. We really don't know much about each other besides the fact that we usually don't get along and we are complete opposites. I pull my matted, almost dry hair into a bun and think for a second about what I want to eat.
"Well, I like anything really as long as I know what it is, and it doesn't involve ketchup" I tell him and he laughs.
"You don't like ketchup? Aren't all Americans supposed to love ketchup?" he teases me.
"I have no idea but it is disgusting." We both laugh and I look over at Harry. His hand is still on my thigh and I hope he never removes it.
"Let's just stick with a plain diner then?"
I nod and he reaches to turn the music up but stops and puts his hand back on me.
"So what do you plan on doing after college?" He asks me. He has already asked me that before, in his room.
"I am going to move to Seattle immediately, and I hope to work at a publishing house or be a writer, I know it's silly" I say, suddenly embarrassed by my high ambitions. "You already asked me that before remember?"
"Not it's not. I know someone who knows the CEO of Vance Publishing house, it's a bit of a drive but maybe you should apply there for an internship, I could talk to him."
"What? You would do that?" I am surprised, even if he has been nice for the last hour, this is beyond what I expected.
"Yea, it's not a big deal" He seems a little embarrassed. I am sure he isn't used to doing nice things.
"Wow, thank you. Really. I need to get a job or internship soon anyway and that would literally be a dream come true" I tell him and clap my hands. He laughs and shakes his head.
"Your welcome" He pulls into small parking lot with an old brick building in the center of it. "The food here is amazing" he says and climbs out of the car. Harry walks to the trunk and opens it, grabbing another plain black t-shirt, he must have an endless supply. I was enjoying him being shirtless so much that I forgot he would eventually have to put one back on.
When we get inside we seat ourselves and the place seems deserted. An old woman walks to the table and hands us our menus. Harry ends up ordering a hamburger and fries and I do the same.
"Good huh?" He asks as I take my first bite. I nod and wipe my mouth off. The food is delicious and we both clear our plates. The drive back to the dorm is relaxed and I tell Harry about growing up in Richland, he says he has never heard of it. He isn't missing out on much, the town is small and everyone does the same things and no one ever leaves. Except me, I will never move back there. He doesn't offer me much information about himself but I am hopeful that he will soon. He seems very curious about my life as a child and he frowns when I tell him about my dad's drinking. I had mentioned it to him before while we were fighting but this time I went into a little more detail. His long fingers rub circles onto my leg as he drives and I am disappointed to see the WSU sign as we drive onto campus.
"Did you have a nice time?" I ask him. I feel so much closer to him now than I did a few hours ago. I know he can be nice if he tries to be.
"Yea, I did actually" he seems surprised. "I would walk you to your room but I don't want to play twenty questions with Steph" he smiles and turns his body sideways to face me.
"It's fine, I will see you tomorrow" I tell him. I'm not sure if I should lean in to kiss him goodbye or not. I am relieved when his fingers tug on a few loose strands of my hair and tuck them behind my ear. I lean my face into his palm and he leans over the divider and touches his lips to mine. It starts as a simple and gentle kiss but I feel it warm my entire body and I need more. Harry grabs my arm and pulls it to gesture for me to climb over the divider. I quickly oblige and straddle his lap. I feel the seat recline slightly, giving us more room as I lift his shirt a little to slide my hands under it. His stomach is hard and his skin is hot.
His tongue massages mine and he wraps his arms around my back tightly. The feeling is almost painful but its a pain I will gladly endure to be this close to him. He moans into my mouth as I put my hands further up his shirt. I love that I can make him moan too, that I have this effect on him. We are interrupted by my phone ringing.
"Another alarm?" he teases me and I laugh.
"No, it's.. Noah" I say as I grab it and look at the screen. Harry's expression changes and I hit the ignore button and toss my phone back on the passenger seat. I am not thinking about Noah right now, I push him to the back corner of my mind and close the door. I lean back in to continue kissing Harry but stop me and leans away.
"I think I better go" his tone sends chills through me. When I look up at him his gaze is distant and ice immedtialty replaces the fire in my body.
"Harry, I ignored it. I am going to talk to him about all this, I just don't know how or when. It will be soon though, I promise" I tell him. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I would have to break up with Noah the moment I kissed Harry the first time. I can't date him if I have already betrayed him. It would always hang over my head like a dark cloud of guilt and I don't want that. The way I feel about Harry is another reason I can't be with Noah anymore, I love Noah but if I really loved him the way he deserves to be loved, I wouldn't have feelings for Harry. I don't want to hurt Noah but there is no turning back now.
"Talk to him about what?" he snaps.
"All of this" I wave my hands around. "Us" I explain further.
"Us? You're not trying to tell me you are going to break up with him.. for me are you?"
What? My head starts to spin. I know I should climb off his lap but I am frozen.
"You don't want me to?" My voice comes out as a whisper.
"No, why would you? I mean yea if you want to dump him go for it, but don't do it on my behalf"
"I just .. I thought.." I start to fumble my words.
"I already told you that I don't date Theresa" he says. The only thing that makes me able to climb off of him is the fact that I refuse to let him see me cry, again.
"You're disgusting" I spit and grab my stuff. He looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't.
"Stay away from me from now on, I mean it" I say and he closes his eyes.
I walk as fast as I can to my room, I manage to hold in my tears until I get inside and shut the door. I am so grateful the room is empty as I slide down the door and break into sobs. How could I be so stupid? I knew how he was when I agreed to be alone with him, yet I practically jumped at the opportunity. Just because he was nice to me today I got it into my head that what? He would be my boyfriend? I laugh through my sobs at how stupid and naïve I am. I really can't even be angry with Harry, he told me he doesn't date, but I thought today we had such a nice time, he kept his comments to a bare minimum and he was actually pleasant and playful. It was all an act, just so he could get into my pants and I let him.

My tears are dry and I am showered and somewhat mentally stable by the time Steph returns from the movies.
"So, how was your.. hang out with Harry?" she asks and grabs her pajamas out of her dresser.
"It was okay, he was his normal ..charming self" I tell her and manage a laugh. I want to tell her about what we did but I am too ashamed. I know she wouldn't judge me but I don't want anyone to know, I just hope Harry doesn't tell anyone, although I wouldn't put it past him. Steph looks at me with concern evident in her eyes and I have to look away.
"Just be careful okay, you're too nice for someone like Harry" she says and I want to hug her and cry into her shoulder. She knows Harry better than most people and she even thinks I should stay away.
"How was the movie?" I change the subject. She tells me how Tristan kept feeding her popcorn during it and that she is really starting to like him. I want to gag but I know I am just jealous that Tristan actually likes her, the way Harry doesn't like me. But I do have someone who loves me and I need to start treating him better and stay away from Harry, for real this time.
Eventually Steph falls asleep and I do the same shortly after.
The next morning I force myself out of bed and get dressed. I feel drained, I have no energy and I feel like I could cry at any moment. My eyes are red from crying last night so I walk over to Steph's dresser and grab her makeup bag. I pull out brown eye liner and draw a thin line under my eyes and on my eyelid. It makes my eyes look much better. I put on a little powder just to cover under my eyes and give my skin a little color. A few swipes of mascara and I look like a new person. I am pleased with the way I look and I put on my tight jeans and a tank top. I feel naked so I grab a white cardigan out of my closet and put it over. This is the most effort I have made in my appearance for a regular school day since picture day my senior year of high school.
I stop by the coffee house and grab Liam a drink too. I am still pretty early to class so I walk slower than usual.
"Hey, Tessa right?" I hear a guy's voice say. I look over and see the preppy boy, Louis I think was his name.
"Yea, Louis right?' I ask him and he nods.
"You coming over again this weekend?" He asks. He must be part of the frat. Of course he is, he is preppy and gorgeous.
"Oh no, not this weekend" I laugh and he joins in.
"Bummer, you were fun. Well, if you change your mind you know where it is" he laughs. "I gotta go or I will be late, see you around" he gives me another smile and walks away.
Liam is already seated and thanks me repeatedly for bringing him coffee.
"You look different today" he says as I sit down.
"I put makeup on" I laugh and he smiles. He doesn't ask about my night with Harry and I am grateful. I am not ready to talk about it yet. Just as I begin to stop thinking about Harry, it is time for Literature.
Harry is sitting in his normal seat in the front. I want to ask Liam to switch seats with me but I don't want to have to explain why. Harry is wearing a white t-shirt for once and his tattoos are visible underneath it. It amazes me how attractive I find his tattoos and piercings, I never cared for either before. I look away quickly and pull out my notes. I hope Liam arrives soon so I won't feel so alone with Harry.
"Tess?" Harry whispers as the class begins to fill up. No. Don't answer him. Ignore him. I repeat to myself.
"Tess?" He says again, this time louder.
"Do not speak to me Harry." I say through my teeth and still avoid looking at him. I will not fall back into his trap.
"Oh come on" he says and I can tell he is laughing at me.
"I mean it Harry, leave me alone" My tone is harsh but I don't care.
"Fine, have it your way" he says equally harsh and I sigh. Liam walks in and I am so grateful.
"You okay?" Liam asks kindly.
"Yea, I'm fine." I lie and class begins.
After class Harry walks out before me and doesn't try to talk to me again. We continue ignoring each other all week and I am beginning to forget about our mistake. Each day that passes without talking to him makes it easier to not think about him when I get back to my room. Steph and Tristan have been hanging out all week so I have had the room mostly to myself all week which has been both good and bad. Good because I get a lot of studying done but bad because I am left alone with my thoughts about Harry. All week I have been wearing a little bit of makeup but wearing my normal baggy and conservative clothes. By Friday, I feel like I am really over this whole mess with Harry, that is until everyone keeps talking about the party. There is a party there every Friday and usually Saturday too so why they feel the need to get excited about it every weekend blows my mind.
After being asked by at least ten people if I will be at the party, I decide to do the only thing that I know will keep me from going. I call Noah.
"Hey Tessa! " he chirps into the phone. It has been a few days since we have actually talked on the phone and I have missed his voice.
"Hey, do you think you could come visit me?" I ask.
"Sure, we will plan it out and maybe I can come next weekend" he says and I groan.
"No, I mean like today. Like now, could you leave right now?" I know he likes to plan things just like I do but I need him to come now.
"I have practice after school, I am still at school now, I am just at lunch"
"Please Noah, I really miss you. Can't you just leave now and come here for the weekend? Please" I am aware that I am begging him but I don't care.
"Uhm.. yea sure Tessa. I will come now. Is everything okay?" I am actually surprised squeaky clean Noah is agreeing to this but I am so glad he is.
"Yea, I just really miss you. I haven't seen you in almost two weeks" I remind him and he laughs.
"I miss you too. I am going to get a slip and leave in a few minutes so I will see you in about three hours. I love you Tessa"
"I love you too" I say and hang up. Well that settles that, any chance that I may end up at that party is now gone. I have a newfound sense of relief as I walk to Literature, until I look at the front row and see Harry hovering over Liam's desk. What the hell?
I rush over and Harry slams his hand on the desk. "Don't ever say some shit like that again you prick" Harry says and Liam moves to stand up. Liam must be insane to try to fight back against Harry. Liam is muscular and all but he is so kind, I can't imagine him hitting anyone.
I grab ahold of Harry's arm and pull him back away from Liam. His hand raises into the air and I flinch, once he realizes it is me he drops his hand and curses under his breath.
"Leave him alone Harry!" I yell and turn to Liam. He looks just as mad as Harry does but he sits down.
"You need to mind your own business Theresa" Harry spits and moves to his seat. He really should sit in the back somewhere.
I lean over and whisper to Liam, "are you okay? What was that about?"
He looks towards Harry and sighs. "He is just an asshole, that pretty much sums it up" he says and smiles. I giggle a little and lean back over. I can hear Harry's ragged breathing next to me and I get an idea. A childish idea but I do it anyway.
"I have some good news!' I tell Liam in my best mock cheery voice.
"Really? What's that?"
"Noah is coming to visit today and he will be here all weekend!" I say and smile while clapping my hands together. I know I am overdoing it but I feel Harry's eyes on me and I know he heard me.
"Really? That is great news!" Liam smiles. Class begins and ends without Harry saying a word to me. This is how it will be from now on and it's fine with me. I wish Liam a nice weekend and walk back to my room to touch up my makeup and grab something to eat before Noah gets here. I laugh at myself a little while doing my makeup, since when am I the type of girl who has to "touch up her makeup" before her boyfriend comes. I know it is since that day at the stream with Harry, that experience changed me and the way he hurt me after changed me even more. It is only a slight change but I know it is there.
I eat and straighten my room up a little, well my side is already clean so I fold Steph's clothes and put them away, I hope she won't mind. My phone finally buzzes with Noah's text saying he is here. I jump off the bed and rush outside to greet him. He looks better than ever in navy blue pants, a cream cardigan and white shirt underneath. He really does wear a lot of cardigans but I love them. His welcoming smile warms my heart and he wraps his arms around me and tells me how nice it is to see me.
"Are you wearing makeup?" He asks as we walk back to my room.
"Yea, a little. It's just something I have been experimenting with" I explain and he smiles.
"It looks nice" he compliments me and kisses my forehead.
"Thank you. So what do you want to do this weekend while you're here?" I ask him. He says he I can choose so we end up browsing through Netflix to pick a movie to watch. Steph texts me and says she is with Tristan and she won't be back tonight so I turn the lights off and we sit against the headboard with Noah's arm around my shoulder and my head on his chest. This is me, not some wild girl swimming in a punk boy's t-shirt. The door opens and I expect to see Steph, but of course it is Harry.
His eyes go straight to me and Noah and I flush. He came here to tell Noah, I know he did. Panic takes over my body and I scoot away from Noah.
"What are you doing here?" I snap and Harry smiles.
"I am meeting Steph" he answers and sits down. "Hey Noah, nice to see you again" he smirks and Noah looks uncomfortable. He is probably wondering why Harry has a key to the room and doesn't bother to knock.
"She is with Tristan, probably already at your house" I tell him slowly, silently pleading for him to leave. If he tells Noah now I have no idea how I could recover.
"Oh, really?" he asks. I can tell by his smirk that he came here just to torment me. He will probably stay until I come clean to Noah myself. "Are you two coming to the party?"
"No.. we aren't. We are trying to watch a movie" I tell him and Noah reaches over and takes my hand. Even in the dark, I can see Harry's eye focus on Noah's hand on mine.
"That's too bad. I better go.. Oh and Noah" Harry says and my heart drops. "That's a nice cardigan you're wearing" Thank god. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Thanks it is from Gap" Noah says. He is clueless and unaware that Harry is making fun of him.
"Of course it is. You two have fun" Harry taunts and leaves the room.
To be continued..

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