Friday, 29 December 2017

The Delicate Episode 24

24th Law Of Power : Play The Perfect Courtier.
crawling on my bed, my mind went back to my meeting with Mr Amanda, my therapist. Huh it really sounds weird to call her my therapist cause it makes it looks like am really seeing a psychologist or something. Nah that's for crazy people. She's actually nice. I remember her expression after I narrated my story to her. For a moment I thought she was going to cry cause I could actually read her facial expressions. I think she must have really broken her professional rule, she let me see what she felt at that moment.
I remember her first statement ten minutes after I narrated my story to her. Yea it took us ten freaking minutes to move or make a sound and the first person to break it was her. Her question still lingers in my heart…“ Ama…why ain't you talking? Why are you not shouting? Why the freaking hell are you not saying anything to anyone in your house? ” was her first question. She said it in a way that I thought she was going to break down in tears. Her voice was so soft and calm but sounded like she was pleading with me to do something other than sitting with her there at that moment.
I can still remember the way she had looked at me. Was it pity? Definitely it was pity cause she looked at me with so much tenderness like she wanted to huge me or wanted me to hug her. Was the story that unbelievably that she felt my pain like it was her or was it that she have never came encounter with such story before? I can't really pin point what she was feeling at that moment but I knew she really was feeling my pain but she didn't say a word after that question that never got answered.
I was speechless myself. why didn't I shout for help the first time? Why didn't I scream for mum to rescue me? Definitely it wasn't because of the threat cause his threat came after the rape so why didn't I shout the first time? Was it shock, freight, fear or not knowing what was really going on with dad at that time? What was it really, cause I still don't get it and she's right, I really need to talk to mum and Chima about this.
Mr Amanda wasn't able to say more to me other than her first question cause mum choose then to come and pick me up. My story had consume all of our time than I had thought it would. But she was still able to ask me to come back tomorrow and we will talk about it and that happened in front of mum.
Mum didn't act like she was interested in what we where talking about or what she meant but that didn't stop her from sparing me some weird looks through out the ride home.
even during dinner, she was still looking at me strangely like am some foreigner in her house. Her looks aren't even my problem right now... My dad. My heart had skipped a bit when he had entered the dining room. It took all of my will not to have left the dinning room but of cause I know the consequences of such action. But that doesn't really change anything cause he's still going to come to my room this night. God when is this ever going to stop?
I had greeted him weirdly with my whole body shaking out of fear but I think mum suspected something was wrong with us both. She was just staring at the both of us like we were like some lunatics that just escaped the prison or something. God when the sun sets and every creature had gone to find a resting place, I will just stayed up wide eyed and fearful watching out for this monster I call father who was always lurking in the corner waiting for my mum to sleep so that he can satisfy his monsterious desire with my body.
What am I really going to do? How am I going to stop this or is it my fate? Could it be my fault? He said what he's doing is right but I know deep down that is wrong, an abomination. I feel so guilty for being responsible for this if really is my fault. Did I really seduced my dad to this or is it just his lustful desires which he couldn't satisfy with his wife but with my body.
“ is my girl ready for this night? ” I heard the voice that has hunt my life. God he's here, I didn't even hear him come in.
“ now let's do this fast cause I have to get back to your mum ” he winked at me. God is this my father? He's every gesture disgust me but what can I do other than letting him do what he came for and so I let him do it over and over again, taking everything that is left of me with him. My tears blinding my view and his sweat dripping, wetting my body and filling it with so much disgusting smells.
For the first time in my life, I think mummy made a very bad choices marrying dad. That's the worst decision she have ever taken in her entire life. This will end soon, I know it will or so I hope.
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