Thursday, 7 December 2017

Friends With Benefits Episode 14

"Are you just trying to rub it in my face that I'm single?" George asked as he walked past us to Emily who was standing by the door awkwardly. As the words left George's mouth I instantly felt my cheeks warm up and I jumped back from Jackson like he burned me.
"Shut up," Jackson mumbled as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out.
"So is this what it is going to be like from now on? Are you and Jennifer going to be all coupley?" George whined as he followed us outside.
"I know," I said spinning around so I was now facing George, "Why don't you go out with Emily, then we can be all coupley together," I chuckled. I half meant what I said as a joke, however, I had noticed that during our time in school George had been giving Emily these little looks every so often and I couldn't help but wonder if he liked her.
"Pfftt," George said as he cheeks ever so slightly darkened, "as if that would ever happen," he continued as he pushed Emily's shoulder playfully.
"Why not?" I asked, digging for more details.
"Nah, she's way too good for me," George said jokingly, but I could tell there was a little bit of truth behind his words.
"You've got that right," I teased as I spun back around and continued towards the road.
The restaurant wasn't far from the house so we walked rather than take a cab. Emily, George, Jackson and I sat on a table together. Everyone ended up ordering rice, except for me who ordered pasta.
"You just had to be different didn't you?" Jackson teased as he casually slung his arm round the back of my chair.
"Yeah, because you know how much I like to stand out," I replied sarcastically. It was in fact the exact opposite. I hated being the centre of attention. I hated the feeling of everyone's eyes being on me. I always felt like I was being judged and if I made one wrong decision I would be laughed at. Jackson knew that. That was one of the reason I didn't want to go into modeling in the first place.
"I don't care, as long as I can try some of yours," Jackson smirked. He knew I hated rice - weird I know right? therefore he would get away with having some of mine without having to give up any of his.
"Fine, but I'm not feeding it to you. I know you struggle to use a knife and fork but you are a eighteen - year old boy, you need to learn," I teased.
"Nah, I was thinking we could have one of those lady and the tramp moments where we both eat the same piece of spaghetti," he whispered in my ear as he leaned closer to me. My heart instantly went into overdrive as he warm breath tickled my skin.
"I'm glad I ordered the penne rather than the spaghetti then," I giggled just as the waitress returned with our drinks.
"Guess it'll have to be next time then," Jackson smirked as he sat back in his chair again, but I couldn't help but notice how his arm remained around my chair.
We all chatted easily while we ate. Jackson managed to eat his whole rice as well as half of my pasta.
"Ah please one more bite," Jackson begged as I jabbed my fork into another piece of pasta.
"Jackson, you have already had half of it," I said as I glared at him jokingly.
"Yeah so one more piece won't make a difference," he pouted.
"You are such a fatty," I laughed as I jabbed the last few pieces of pasta onto my fork and stuffed them into my mouth.
"Hey!" Jackson complained.
"It was my food," I laughed.
"Fine," he whined unhappily.
I chuckled as I got up from my seat and made my way towards the bathroom. I felt eyes on me as I walked so just as I turned into the corridor where the toilets were located I glanced back to the table. Jackson was leaning back in his chair, his eyes glued to my body. I smirked as his eyes flicked up to my eye, loving the fact that I had caught him checking me out.
I wish he wanted me for more than my body. I wish he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I hoped that he felt like I did - but I knew he didn't. I mean he couldn't. He was an amazing, gorgeous, funny, adorable and the sweetest guy I had ever met. However, as much as I hated to admit it, he was a player. He had never been in a serious relationship the whole time I had known him, which was a long time. He hated being tied down. He hated having to worry about whether his actions would affect his girlfriend. He had tried once, and it hadn't ended well. I didn't blame him. It was easier not to be in a relationship.
I continued to walk towards the bathrooms but just as I got to the ladies two arms snaked around my waist. His familiar scent instantly flooded my nostrils and I leaned into his chest. I felt his warm breath on my cheeks as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. He peppered kisses along my cheek until he reached my ear. He pulled back slightly, but his breath was still tickling my cheeks causing tingles to spread through my skin.
"How about one more time, eh?" he whispered into my ear, "Before sun rise," he continued. I could tell he was smirking from the tone of his voice.
"You'd love that wouldn't you?" I said sarcastically as I turned to face him.
"So would you," he challenged. I couldn't hide the smirk that tugged at the corner of my lips that was a good comeback. Jackson's eyes scanned my face, as if he was trying to figure out my answer. Slowly, his eyes flicked down to my lips as they did his tongue traced the outline of his lips. I felt my heart rate increase at that small action. My eyes moved back up to his eyes. I could see how much he wanted me, his eyes sparkled with lust.
I guess he found the answer he was looking for as painfully slowly he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was so tender I could have cried. All too soon he pulled away. I pouted but he laughed as he pushed me through the door to the bathroom and pushed me up against a cubicle once he had locked the door.
This kiss wasn't tender. It was in a completely different league. Instead it was powerful. It made my whole body shiver as desire sparked through my body. My mind became clouded as all I could focus on was Jackson and the way his lips felt against mine.
My fingers dug into his bare back while his tangled into my hair, gently pulling it. Our lips never seemed to part as more items of clothing dropped to the floor.
***
I sat back down at the table, unable to keep a blush from my cheeks as all eyes fixed on me. Jackson had returned a minute earlier - it couldn't have been any more obvious. no one mentioned it and the rest of the time was spent chatting and eating desert. However, once again Jackson ate most of mine.
Once we returned to the house I went straight to my room.
"I'll come by your room later," Jackson said winking at me as George and him headed into their room while Emily and I continued down the corridor to our room.
As soon as we returned to the room we started undressing in an awkward silence. I racked my brain for something so say but I couldn't think of anything. I knew what Emily was thinking about. I knew what she wanted to say, but I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to try and focus our conversation on something else, but my mind went blank. So instead I just said, "Just say it."
"So you and Jackson hooked up again tonight?" Emily asked. I froze as my face fell. I'd hoped she would have approached the subject more subtly, then I could have acted dumb.
"You don't beat around the bush do you?" I laughed nervously as I fiddled with the sleeve of my jumper.
"But you do," Emily countered as a smirk formed on her face.
"Okay we did," I sighed.
"Jenny, you can't keep doing this. You need to tell him how you feel. You can't just keep giving in to him. He is using you," she sighed.
"He's not though!" I said angrily, "I agreed to this. We are using each other," I finished.
"But things have changed," she countered, "You have feelings for him now," she explained.
"I know!" I cried, "How could I not know! All I can think about every second of every day is Jackson. I try and think of other things but nothing works! He is on my mind every second of every day! I wish he felt the same. I wish he wanted more than friendship, but he doesn't. All he wants is to be best friends and I can't change that. I can't force him to want more. I know it is wrong. I know I should stop hooking up with him because it means more to me that it does to him, but I can't okay? I can't help it. Every time he looks into my eyes it like everything else seems to melt away. All that I can focus on is him. I know it's stupid but I can't help it. He just has that effect on me." I paused for breath as my eyes fell to the floor. "I always think, maybe this time it will be different, maybe he will feel the same as me after this time. I just need to prove it to him. I just need to prove that I am enough. I need to show him that I can be the one to make him happy. But everytime I am left disappointed. Every time is the same. But I can't stop hoping. I can't, because if I do its too painful. If I think even for a second that he will never feel the same it hurts too damn much. So instead I pretend that one day it will be different and even though it hurts everytime I realise he still doesn't want to be anything more than friends, it is nothing compared to the pain I could feel. The pain I would feel if he rejected me," I finished, breathing heavily.
Emily was standing opposite me a shocked expression plastered on her face. "Say something," I sighed as her silence continued. She remained silent, however her eyes flickered to something behind me. Slowly, I turned around.
My heart dropped. My breath caught in my throat. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. My throat became dry and my vision became hazy as tears filled my eyes.
In the doorway stood Jackson. His face was pale. His mouth hung open forming an 'o' shape. We both stayed frozen. Neither of us moved. All I could hear was the beat of my heart. I'm surprise Jackson and Emily couldn't hear it.
The silence continued. I needed to say something. I needed to persuade him it wasn't true. How much had he even heard? My breath came out in short pants as panic over took my body. After everything I had done to prevent it, it had happened. I had ruined our friendship. This was the one thing I never wanted to happen, but it had. I never should have agreed to it in the first place. I knew it was stupid. Damn it!
I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I swiped it away angrily.
"Jackson..." I started but I didn't know how to continue. I mean how could I continue? What could I say after all that? How could I act like nothing had happened? I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe this was happening. I hoped that I would wake up and this would be a nightmare. This was all a horrible nightmare. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. I raised my arm and pinched myself hard. Pain shot through my arm but nothing happened. I didn't wake up. Instead, I stayed glued to this spot. I was stuck while my friendship crashed down around me.
My tear filled eyes looked up from the floor to meet Jackson's. He still hadn't move. His expression was exactly the same. As his eyes met mine a small smile flickered at the corner of his mouth. However, it disappeared so quickly I thought I imagined it.
Before I could decide whether he had actually smiled or not Jackson was striding towards me. His steps were powerful and determined. Within seconds he reached me. His hands moved to cup my face and before I had the chance to blink, his lips were on mine.
Emily's presence was forgotten and everything that had just happened seemed to disappear into thin air. His kiss seemed to make me forget. It made me feel like nothing could hurt me. It felt like I was where I was meant to be.
He pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you so much Jennifer. I want more. I've always wanted more," he whispered, his voice as soft as velvet.
My heart tried to break out of his chest as the word sunk in. Had he really just said that? Did he really want to be with me?
I couldn't respond. I didn't know how. A lump clogged my throat as all words seemed to get trapped in my throat.
Jackson seemed to realise as he gently pressed his lips against mine. "So will you be my girlfriend, properly this time?" He asked as he pulled back again.
My throat was still too dry to speak so I just nodded in response as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into an embrace.
"I love you so much Jennifer. I am so sorry about everything. I should have just manned up and told you. I hate to think you went through all this pain just because of me," he mumbled into my ear. I just shook my head as happy tears silent fell down my cheeks, dampening his shirt.
Thick with emotion, I finally managed to croak "I love you too." And I did. I really did love him.
Tbc

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