Tuesday, 24 October 2017


AT HOME.i gave my grand mother what she sent me to buy.and i gave her the remaining balance.she thank me and asked me to make small soup for us.(i don’t have any sister nor brother to help me.i was living alone with my grand mother.so what did you expect.)i checked the time and it was 3pm already.(i still have three hours left.i said to myself)i went to the kitchen.and before i could spell my name.the ukazi soup was done.i am a very good cook of course.so don’t try me.i made some eba.i and my grand mother ate together.after eaten i check the time.and it was 5pm already.(it’s almost time)i took my bath.wore my best jean trouser and a T shrt.it was 5.30 already.then i made to go.when my old woman called me back.i went to answer her.
G.MAMA.tobem.this one you dress like this.were are you going na.am sure you havn’t travled to the city before.so were are you going?.(see insult.i don’t have anybody that will take me to the city.that why i havn’t been there.)
ME.i am not going any were.i just want to see my friend uche.am coming.
G.MAMA.i want us to discuse something important.
ME.(not now.this woman should pack well first).Mama ukwuu.if i come back we will discuse the matter na.
G.MAMA.please my son.i might die before you come back.it won’t waste much of your time.inugo nwam.
ME.(i sat close to her with a straight face.you want to spoil my date with my Tochi this evening.it won’t work for you.mitchew)okay.go ahead mama.
G.MAMA.my son.you know am geting older each passing day.your parent died and left nothing for me except you.we have been together for the pass 15 years since you lost your parents in motor accident.
ME.mama.i know that i lost my parents 15 years ago.but i don’t understand why you are bringing the topic now.
G.MAMA.my son.what i am trying to say is.you are 25 years old now.why don’t you get married and give me grand children before i will join my ancestors.eeeh.nwam biko.we have many beautiful girls in this our village that will like to settle down with you.if you want.i can even bring one for you.
ME.mama.you have spoken well and i have heard you.don’t worry.very soon i will get married.and you are not going to die yet.you known.you are the only one i have now.you will soon carry your grand children.ooh.
G.MAMA.okay.if you say so. i even have one girl for you.
ME.(suprised)who is that mama.
G.MAMA.(smiling)uzoma.the daughter of mazi okoro.
ME.(God forbid.that village parrot.that don’t even know how to speak english.not me.)haah.mama no o.i disagree with you.i can’t marry that girl na.
G.MAMA.uzoma is a very good girl.and again she is hard working.am sure she will make a very good wife for you.
ME.mama see.i know that uzoma is a good girl.but i can’t marry her.
G.MAMA.hmmm.okay o.i won’t force you to marry who your heart don’t accept.but did you have anybody in mine?.
G.MAMA.who is she.my son.
ME.(my tochi)don’t worry mama.you will soon know her.
G.MAMA.okay.all i know is.you should marry an give me grand children.
ME.ok mama. Check the time.and it was already 6.15pm.chai!am late o.with full speed i left my grand mother.to ukwu mango.tochi must be waiting for me by now.from our house to ukwu mango is just 20minutes journey.i got to the venue panting.i looked around and saw Tochi siting alone backing me.i went closer to were she was sitting and held her left hand from behinde.she shouted in fear and wanted to run away.but i held her hand very tight.she turn around forcefuly.and faced me.
ME.tochi.is me tobe.don’t be afraid.
TOCHI.so you want me to get H.B.P.abi.(she hit me at my chest playful).
ME.no na.my baby can’t get h.b.p..
TOCHI.am not your baby o.i am 23 years now.so am not tataa(baby)again.i don dey wait for you since morning here.and you just dey come now.
ME.(since morning kwa)sorry dear.i was helping my grand mother in the kitchen thats why.
TOCHI.so you fit cook.
ME.yes na.more than you self.
TOCHI.na lie.you no fit cook pass me.can you cook ofe uziza and ugbogoro.
ME.i can cook uziza.but ugbogoro is very hard.i can’t cook that one.
TOCHI.i can cook uziza.ugbogoro.ugu.egusi.ukazi.all of them.
ME.wow.you are trying o.that means if i marry you.you will be cooking them for me.(i said smiling).
TOCHI.hmmm.ibia kwa.(you have come again).
ME.so tobaby.what do you have to say on what i told you.
TOCHI.okay.i don hear.i go be your girlfriend.(she said shyly.)i was very happy to hear that from her.very soon i will get marry to her i move closer to her and hugged her.
ME.my tobaby.am very happy to hear that.you won’t regret it okay.
TOCHI.okay o.
ME.very soon.i will get marry to you.then we will leave together as husband and wife.
TOCHI.you want to marry me.(she said in a suprise tone).
ME.yes na.i will marry you.are you not happy.
TOCHI.i happy o.you go first come see my papa and mama na.
ME.yes.i will work harder.so that i will get the money to pay your bride prize.
ME.don’t worry.just watch and see.you hear.
TOCHI.i don hear.i fit help you.if you want.
Episode 3
Uche my friend visited me the following day.
ME.uche how far na.
UCHE.odimma my brother.
ME.abeg come sit down.i have some palm wine and dry bush meat here.
UCHE.abeg abeg.bring them come.that is why i like coming here.you always have something for me.
ME.na so na.u no say u be my boy.
UCHE.come gbafue here.who be ur boy.u no dey fear o.
ME.lee kwanu dis boy o.u don forget say na me senior you.
UCHE.no be only one week.u take senior me.that one no mean anything na.
ME.atleast.i senior you na.one week no be moi moi o.you suppose to dey call me dee.(big brother).
UCHE.i don hear. dee.
ME.ehee.na now u come.so how tinz na.
UCHE.no bad o.
ME.guess what.*sip palm wine*.
UCHE.erm.let me guess.you done give uzoma belle abi.
ME.if i say devil punish u.you go say i don curse you.how u go dey guess that kind thing na.
UCHE.no be you say make i guess.*laughs*.
ME.you no serious.na this book wey u no no they affect you brain.
UCHE.abeg tobe.no insult me o.i take God beg you.beside me and you who sabi book pass.
ME.na me na.you stop at jss3.while me stop at ss1.so na me sabi book pass you.
UCHE.make i tell you.no be like that them they judge o.
ME.eeh.atleast.i pass you for class.
UCHE.mitchew.abeg make we talk another thing joor.wetin be that you want been tell me.
ME.ehee.Tochi done agree to be my girlfriend.(i said smiling).
UCHE.you mean na.chineke mee. Tobe your own done better o.so you done finally get girlfriends.
ME.not girlfriends.rather girlfriend.
UCHE.i done hear.nwa teacher.na i too know go kill you. So tell me how you take do am.
ME.i toast am na.with the big big grammer wey i know and she agree to be my babes abi baby.
UCHE.hmm.your own done better o.
ME.yes na.i even wan marry her very soon.
UCHE.why so soon.
ME.my grand mother.said she want to carry her grand children before she go die.that is why i want to marry her.ASAP.
UCHE.eayeah.no problem na.i dey ur back.no shaking.
ME.thank you joor.but the problem now is.i don’t have enough money to pay her bride prize.
UCHE.that one no go be problem na.we go hustle together.i go even support you any how.
ME.i dey find.were i fit get better work wey go give me money.
UCHE.i get one place for you.
ME.were na.abeg tell me.
UCHE.shebi you know high chief simon.
ME.yes na.who else in this community that doesn’t know chief simon.(chief simon is one of the richest men we have in our community.i don’t know much about him.all i know is that he is very rich.he always come home once or twice in a year.
UCHE.he came back from city yesterday.with that him fine daughter wey remember oyibo he is looking for who will help him clear some grases in his compound.and he will pay the person.are you interested?.
ME.of course yes na.me wey dey find money.i dey interested o.
UCHE.okay.tomorrow.me and you go go see the man.
ME.no problem.thank you for the information.
UCHE.no wahala.what are we friends for.
uche and i.started our journey to chief simon duplex.on our way i saw uzoma.
UZOMA.brother tobe weldone.
ME.uzoma.kedu otu imere.(how are you).
UZOMA.odimma.(fine)i dey look for you.
ME.you dey look for me?hope no problem.
UZOMA.no ploblem.(problem).
ME.then why are you looking for me?.
UZOMA.i want help you wash your clothes.and also cook for mama ukwuu.(she said smiling).
ME.is that so?.
UZOMA.yes.is the so.(english don suffer)
ME.okay.i have heard you.thanks for your offer.but i don’t need your help.if i want to wash my clothes.i will call my tochi to help me do that.
UZOMA.(she frown her face)so tochi is better than me.akwa ya.
ME.i did not say that.you just said it.
UZOMA.but your mama ukwuu.said that you will marry me.and i love your.i want to marry you.
ME.please uzoma.carry your love dey go.i want to marry tochi and not you.beside is not grand mother that will choose for me.whom to marry.
UZOMA.(she started shedding tears)i will go and tell mama ukwuu what you just said. She ran away.
UCHE.*clear throat*o boy.i no fit laugh.
ME.weting happen?.
UCHE.u no hear wetin she talk.she said she want marry you.chai!see love.
ME.abeg make we dey go.no mind that girl.no be me she go marry.


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