Wednesday, 25 October 2017


How can someone like me would be
throwing stone around the street, i done
finally ridicule myself, coconut head. I said
within myself
Me: Cnn how do i go about this agama lizard
hunting now? I don’t think i will be going
back to fayemi again o, i dashed him my
500naira (Dash mean a bribe or something
give out to an individual in 9ja pidgin
Cnn: Pesman, don’t talk like that, we are in
this together, am with you this mission must
be effected
Me: What do we do now?
Cnn: Let go and search for it
Me: Ok boss
***We started searching for agama-lizard,
without knowing that my name at the end
would be “HAD I KNOW” we searched all the
area without seeing agama-lizard, we were
about to give up when i saw “Samuel”
Samuel was a little boy of 12years, he was
“Dan Bansha boy” (Dan Bansha means
“good for noting” in Hausa language
northern part of Nigeria).
Samuel was very stubborn boy in our area, i
had once suggested to his mother that she
should let him go to army boarding school
maybe he might changed, only God
Me: Samuel how far nah?
Samuel: Egbon pes i dey oh (Brother pes i’m
fine oh)
Cnn: Samuel Samuel, the only big boy i love
in this area, where are you going?
Samuel: Egbon Sahara reporter, A.I.T (A.I.T
whatever you nickname is, am going
nowhere, just dey playing in the street
Cnn: That’s my guy, ehn Samuel i have one
deal for you o
Samuel: Oya ejami si, sebi oro Lori owo ni?
(Tell me please, hope its matter of money?)
Cnn: Yes it is, we need agama-lizard
Samuel: Like how many, and how much are
you paying?
Me: Just only one and we will pay you
100naira for it
Samuel: **Cheerfulness** oya let the game
***The three of us continued the searching
of forbidden meat (agama-lizard) suddenly
found three different agama_lizard we ran
them separately, i picked one heavily stone
and ran after the lizard, the lizard also ran
for its dear life, nobody wants to die, the
lizard climbed the wall of uncompleted
I straight my hand i was ready to stone the
beside the uncompleted building was
neatly parked Toyota camry car, i throw the
stone with all the mighty in me, but i was
Only God know what diverted the stone
from the
direction of lizard to direction of parked car,
the stone hitted the windscreen of the car
glass shattered everywhere, hmmmm “had i
Cnn: What is that?
Me: Cnn am in trouble, have mistakly broke
someone’s car glass
**He came to where i stood he saw the
glasses everywhere**
Me: What do we do now?
Cnn: Thank God nobody see you, we have to
run because we can’t afford to buy the glass
Brother cnn and pesman where are you?
You should come here o, Have killed one
Samuel called on us, we walked to him,
carried the agama_lizard he just killed, cnn
wrapped it with Lynon, i gave Samuel
100naira as promised, we left the spot
without telling Samuel about the crime i just
Baba here is the agama-lizard cnn said to
he dropped the lizard on the floor
Fayemi: Ekare, elo ma sere ni ita tobato asiko
mapeyin (Weldone, you should go and
playing outside when its time i will called
**We went outside to play as instructed by
45min later fayemi called us, we walked in
Fayemi: Eku ori re, moti pari ise yin
(Congratulations have finished your work)
he gave me one small cup of cream
Fayemi: You will be rubbing it all over your
body after you take your bath in the
morning, women will be running after you
Cnn/Me: Thank you sir **I brought out
another 500naira note from my pocket gave
him and left his shrine.
On our way home my phone rang, i checked
who was the caller, same person noni,
Me: Hello love
Dupe: Pesman weldone oo
Me: what did i do?
Dupe: i don’t have much airtime on my
phone, just want to tell you i’m on my way
to lagos, my mummy called me to come, its
an urgent call, i will be back in the next
3 days times bye
**she hanged up, Thank God the
monitoring spirit have travelled, i will be able
to execute my project**
I didn’t sleep in CNN house that day because
i want to rub the cream as early as possible
in the morning so i went to my room to
Early the next day i woke as early as 4:30am
took my bath rubbed the women spiritual
cream all over my flesh by 5:15am i was
done, i put on black jean and white hacket
polo with white sneaker, i put my phone
inside my pocket, ready for the first woman
to approach me.
A knock sounded on my door. who could be
knocking my door by this time of the day?
first victim I guessed. I moved closed to the
door and opened it, i was
shocked with who i saw, standing before
me was Samuel, his mother, two police men
and one young man that i never met before.
You are under arrest, one of the police said
to me.
Oh! i was unlucky the owner of the camry
had caught Samuel, so Samuel revealed
my address to them.
“what do i do now”
“My mummy mustn’t hear about this”
“Who do i call now”
“I wish i had spiritual power, i would have
Police2: Guy you are under arrest.
Me: *** Acting like innocent*** under
arrest, what for, kini mora nigba yin? (what
did i bought from you?)
Police1: When you reach station you will
know the offence you’ve committed
Me: But you can’t just get me arrested
without any tangible evidence and i’m going
nowhere with you
Police1: Stop saying nonsense my friend and
you should keep your filthy mouth shut,
Because whatever you say here will be used
against you in the court of law.
Me: **Dumbed**
Police1: Officer get him arrested and
handcuff him. He wants to prove stubborn
Police2: Yes sir!
*** I was cuffed and carried to police
station, we reached the station, i was led to
one small old office or cell.
When the police arrest a person, the shock
of being interrogated can be very
distressing. What happens at the police
station can be absolutely critical in deciding
the case. Its advisable for everybody to have
a lawyer present with them for a police
station interview, But my case was differ, i
had no lawyer neither someone that can
secure my bail, i’m in for it this time
Police2: The officer in charge of your case
will resume by 8:00am, so you have to wait
for him here ** he shut the door leaving me
alone in the rotten office or cell, i brought
out my phone immediate he left to call CNN
maybe he might be of help, after all we did it
Me: Hello CNN
CNN : Its early pesman, hope no problem
because its unlike of you to call early like this
Me: There is problem o, Guess what?
CNN: You have been caged by women
because of women ritual you did?
Me: No
CNN : What happened then?
Me: I was arrested this morning, even i am
inside cell as am talking to you
CNN : How come? What was your offence?
Me: Where are you?
CNN : In my room of course, any problem?
Me: No problem oo
CNN : Oya tell me what you did that got you
Me: I didn’t commit the crime alone
CNN : But with who?
ME : You of course
CNN: It seems you ARE dreaming, we haven’t
see today, how come i committed crime
with you?
Me: The windscreen we broke yesterday
CNN : The windscreen we broke, or The
windscreen you broke?
Me: Shebi you are still at home
CNN: No, have left home
Me: **surprised** where are you now?
CNN: You don’t have to know, PESMAN i
don’t want to BE arrested
Me: who will secure my bail now?
CNN: Who have money to buy the
Me: What do you mean?
CNN: I will try my possible best to set you
free, you will hear from me soon
Me: Please oo, am looking forward to you
CNN: Don’t worry ore (friend)
Me: And i don’t want my mum to hear about
CNN: No problem about that
Me: Thank bro, bye
CNN: bye
**hung up**
Hmm PESMAN , you are welcome to police
station, hope you will learn your lesson here,
just accept your fate and get ready for the
WORST. Elese ki yoo lo Lai jiya (sinner shall
be unpunished)
An idea popped in to my head to call Dupe
and make enquiry from her, Dupe fuckup
this time around, i know she seen it that i
will get arrested but she didn’t tell me.
I dialed her number she picked on third
Me: Hello dear
Dupe: Hi my love, you call early hope no
Me: See Dupe am not happy with you
Dupe: Oh! PESMAN sorry for not been calling
you yesternite before i slept, i know you
have been WORRIED about me, but glory be
to God i arrived lagos safely
Me: Thank God, but that is not the reason
why i called you
Dupe: What happened then?
Me: Don’t tell me you don’t know i was
Dupe: **screamed** yeeeeeeeeeeeee,
Pesman how would i know when i wasn’t
in town?
Me: But Dupe you are a prognosticator lady
you do seeing everything before happening,
why don’t you tell me, so i will not sleep in
my room
Dupe: Hmm pesman don’t i warned you
before you went to Babalawo for women
ritual, that was the outcome of your
Me: Am sorry dear, what do i do now?
Dupe: I don’t see anything oo, but i believed
you will be set free
Me: Ok dear, thanks for your concern bye
Dupe: Bye, i will be back next tomorrow
Me: If i wasn’t in jail
Dupe: I don’t see anything like that
*** hangs up***
The door to the office or cell i was kept
threw opened revealing the officer that
arrested me earlier, i can see his uniform
clearly, he was putting on something that
can be referred to rag as a uniform, his
uniform had faded that i couldn’t see the
name that was tagged on it
Police: Come outside, oga is waiting for you
at his office
Me: Which of the ogas ?
Police: Keep asking me mumu boy **He led
me to another office, where i met an elderly
police officer and the man that came with
police when i was arrested at my house. the
two them sited opposite each other, i
moved closer to the police officer i can see
something like “kelvin” was inscribed on his
chest, he faced me and said**
Police: How are you? My name is sergeant
kelvin, as you can see i was like father to
you, i want you to tell me the truth, only
truth can set you free, i’m the officer
in charge of your case, just tell me the truth
why did you broke his car’s windscreen?
**pointing to man in his front***
Me: Sir i didn’t break any glasses
Sgt.Kelvin: Stop lying my friend, someone
saw you when you break the glass, just tell
me who sent you to break it, we will realise
you and get the person arrested
Me: Sir i swear with my grave, i know
nothing about the glass you are talking
Sgt.kelvin: ***with harsh tone*** I am not
here to play with you my friend, if you are
not ready to confess give
me your parents number, i have to call them
*But before he could finished his words, his
phone rang*
He picked the call, i couldn’t hear what he
was discussion on phone, but he kept
“Yes sir”
“Yes sir”
“Alright sir”
“Immediately sir”
“Thank you sir”
while he was on phone, the man i broke his
glass faced me and said “I don’t care
whether you are ready to confess or not, my
own is that you must buy another
windscreen to my car, you this imbecile of a
i just eyed him
Sergeant kelvin: **faced me after he hanged
up the call ** You this boy you have long leg
abi? No problem
Me: **I don’t understand what he meant by
had long leg, i only called CNN and Dupe
of them are not even around**
Sgt.kelvin: **He called one of his boy to take
me back to cell**
I was threw to the Old cell second time in
a day, waiting for my judgment.
About 30min later another officer came to
my cell, follow me oga is calling you he said
to me. I followed him to another office, D.P.O
OFFICE was tagged at the entrance of the
office *** So my case has gone beyond the
imagination, it as now been transfered to
D.P.O, baba God help me o*** i entered the
office to meet one pot belly man sited on
the chair he was the D.P.O, “Ibrahim” was
inscribed on his sky blue uniform he faced
me and said
D.p.o: **smile** hmm my boy, how are you
doing? your bail has been secured, someone
had paid for the glass you broke, you are
now a freeman, but please stay out of
trouble and commit crime no more
Me: **Shocked and happy** please who
paid for my bail?
D.P.O: The person said we should not tell
you, so you don’t have to know, you can go
now, hope my boys didn’t collect anything
from you?
Me: No sir, they didn’t
D.P.O: Good, you can go now bye
Me: Thank you sir, ***I left his office walked
pass two officers that arrested me earlier, i
eyed them and walked out, Oluwa ose oo
(Thank you God)
“Am now a freeman”
“but who secured my freedom?”
“i promised myself to find out soon”
“It was now 2-0”
I took a sit under the tree i brought out my
phone and called CNN***
Me: Hello guy
CNN: Am on my way to police station
Me: Don’t come again, have been realised
CNN: By who?
Me: I don’t know the person oo
CNN : Where are you now?
Me: On my way to your house
CNN : No lele, i will be waiting for you
Me: Ok **hanged up** i also called Dupe to
update her that have been set free
CNN: **shake my hand** Mr jailer welcome
Me: Your father
CNN: Tell me how you did it?
Me: Me too i don’t know, i was inside the cell
when D.P.O sent for me, i reached his office
and he told me someone had paid for the
glass, and the person also bailed me
CNN: hmmm, maybe the same person that
paid for your hospital bill?
Me: I think so
CNN: I pray we know the person as soon as
possible, before something bad happened
Me: **My phone vibrated that moment, it
was text message i brought out my phone
to read the contests of the text***
“You are welcome back my love, i secured
your bail, please stay out of trouble, i don’t
want anything BAD TO happened to you,
you so much #peslady”
To be continued
Episode 7
Hmmmm pesman i pray this peslady doesn’t
kill you with all gesture of her towards you.
She paid your hospital bill, bailed you from
police custody and you don’t know her, i
think it was “FAYEMI” cream at work? But
she has been disturbing you before you
collect the cream, i pray we find out soon
CNN said to me after reading the text.
***I need to find out who this peslady is,
but my only nightmare was Dupe the
monitoring spirit***
CNN: Guy Now that you are free, let’s reach
Emeka shop i want to buy some wears.
Emeka was the guy that selling both guys
and ladies outfit not too far from our street,
owned a big boutique, he originated
from imo state, Tall, fair, handsome and very
friendly, he was nicknamed “NNA” most
named for ibo people resided especially at
southwestern part of Nigeria instead of
calling them their
Baptized name you would be hearing “NNA”
Though “NNA” Means friend in ibo
language same as “ABOKI” in hausa, and
“ORE” in yoruba.
Emeka is a very nice guy, most of guys in our
area usually goes to emeka shop to play
“whot card” ludo game” and draft, his shop
was never boring
Me: No lele brother we can go anytime you
are ready, but we’ll firstly go to my house i
need to take some money with me, so i can
also buy one or two things. *** we got to
my house i unlocked my door, went to
where i kept the reaming 38k i won from
nairabet, i took 5k out of it, CNN and i
headed to Emeka boutique for shopping***
We met Emeka and Abbey at the outside of
the shop the were playing “whot card” we
greet them CNN and emeka went inside
the shop, leaving Abbey and i outside.
Abbey: Pesman how far nah?
Me: Guy i dey o just that am not happy with
Abbey: What did i do to you pesman
Me: Don’t tell me you don’t know i was
robbed the day i called to sleep in your
house, that you said you were having visitor
Abbey: **Shocked** pesman i didn’t heard
anything, besides i was having visitor that
day you called me my girlfriend Sandra was
with me. so how did it happened?
Me: They broke to my room and robbed me
in front of local gun
Abbey: Are they many?
Me: Just two
Abbey: Hope they didn’t wounded you?
Me: They don’t, but i found myself on
hospital bed the following morning
Abbey: But do you know they were coming
to your house before you called me that
Me: No I don’t, i just have some feelings not
to sleep in my room that day (i lied)
Abbey: Eyah (pity) sorry brother, guess they
don’t packed your things?
Me: They left with my Ps3 and some clothes
Abbey: sorry pesman only God know best
Me: Thank you abbey
I walked into the boutique to meet CNN and
Emeka negotiating the price of the clothes
he selected, i also bought jean shirt for Dupe
as surprise gift for her when she returns
from lagos, we were about to walked out of
the boutique when one beautiful lady
walked in.
Hi Emeka please i need some beautiful
wears that i can wear to birthday party i’m
attending next tomorrow. she said to emeka
Which one would you preferred? Trouser,
gown or skirt? Emeka replied her
I think you’ll be more beautiful and sexy if
put on blue jean trouser and pink hakect
shirt i cuts in, she looked my face our eyes
met she smiled and said
Girl: Oh! Handsome man, you know fashion,
have you ever participated in Mister Nigeria
before? I love the way you Dressed and you
are looking cute
Me: Thanks dear you are also a beautiful
the type of lady all the men in the world
will be praying to have
Girl: Woow.. Sugarcoated mouth, i think we
have to talk, let me buy what i was here
for, so we can talk outside
Girl: **She faced Emeka** please give me
blue jean trouser with pink hacket shirt as
suggested by my friend
Me: **Hmmmm “fayemi” cream at work, she
paid for the cloths and we walked out of
boutique together with CNN, we reached
outside and this conversation followed
between the girl and i**
Me: So where is the venue for the birthday?
Girl: will you come?
Me: If iam invited
Girl: YOU are already invited
Me: By who?
Girl: By me christabel
Me: **so her name was christabel** That’s
great my friend and i will be there
Girl: Give me your number, so i can remind
you tomorrow
Me: Ok 08032*****
Girl: i should saved it with?
Me: Pesman **my phone rang that
Girl: Its me pesman you can save mine with
Me: is that your name?
Girl; Yes
Me: Beautiful name
Christabel: Thanks pesman, but when you
are coming to the party don’t come with
your girlfriend.
Me: *shocked* why?
Christabel: You are going to stand as my
boyfriend for the occasion
Me: What of your boyfriend?
Christabel: Am “SS”
Me: *pity* sorry dear, so because you are an
“SS” people were running from you
Christabel: *smiled* pesman i wasn’t talking
about genotype
Me: But what are you talking a
Christabel: Am talking about status
Me: Still don’t get it
Christabel: Ok “SS” mean “single and
Me: Oh! That’s good abbreviation, so you
were searching?
Christabel: i don’t think am searching
Me: Have you found anyone?
Christabel: Yes i have
Me: That’s amazing. my regard to him
Christabel: How could you be greeting
Me: **Confused** Greeting myself as how?
Christabel: You are my man already
“Pesman the cream you rubbed done dey
work, don’t dull yourself CNN whispered to
my ear.
Me: Oh my love, i just don’t want to be too
forward, i love you even before we met have
been dreaming about you, and i think we
become perfect couple. I love you Christabel
please i want you to be mine ** i quickly
took the advantage of spiritual cream i
robbed ** will you be mine?
Christabel: Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! I will, she kissed
My phone vibrated on our way home, it was
a call from the “monitoring spirit” (Dupe) my
heart skipped,
“This girl again”
“she has found out i had encounter with
“Why she was calling me by this time?”
“Pesman stop acting like a kid”
“After all you are a man”
“You are going to be the head of the family”
“Abi you want your woman to be controlling
“Ogbeni jaraa e (wise up my friend)”
My phone vibrated on our way home, it was
a call from the “monitoring spirit” (Dupe) my
heart skipped,
“This girl again”
“she has found out i had encounter with
“Why she was calling me by this time?”
“Pesman stop acting like a kid”
“After all you are a man”
“You are going to be the head of the family”
“Abi you want your woman to be controlling
“Ogbeni jaraa e (wise up my friend)”
Me: hello
Dupe: Hi my love
Me: How are you doing?
Dupe: Am fine where are you?
Me: On my way to house
Dupe: From?
Me: Somewhere
Dupe: Fine
Me: Any problem?
Dupe: Am at your house waiting for you
Me: **surprised** But you don’t tell me you
are coming
Dupe: Any wahala with that? Please come
Me: Ok am coming
Dupe: Don’t stay too long
**hangs up**
me: **Faced CNN ** Guy see you next TIME,
going to my house now, Dupe is waiting for
me. We departed
I opened my door, i saw Dupe lie down on
my bed, she rushed to me, she hug me like
30sec before she let go of me, she placed
hot kiss on my lips i responded, we started
kissing, i missed you pesman she fired,
i missed you more i replied
i pushed her to bed to resume the
adventure, we kissed and smooch each
other at the same time for some minutes,
“close your door she said to me
“I pray i don’t have visitors today i replied
“You will not, please close it she replied,
I stood up, walked to my door and bolted it
from inside, i moved closed to her and
resumes my duties.
We kissed for few minutes, she took my
head in her hands and made to sit up she
stood up passionately for another minutes
or so while she massaged my d--k through
my trouser, pulled out my erected d--k, she
ended the kiss and knelt down before me,
she gave me BJ (Blow Job) i nearly exploded
when she took my d--k to her mouth, she
s----d out my brain, if you asked me of my
name that moment i wouldn’t know what to
reply you because have forgotten my
I was playing with her n-----s and caress
her hair because we were naked.
Ouch, hmmmm, yeeeeeeeeeeeee, huuuuuuu,
hahha i was g---n like a bull. I pushed her to
bed and began to tip the c--t and fingering
of her p---y hole, from one finger to two
sucking her boobs at the same time, hahha
ouch hmmmm Dupe was moan like
someone under the spell.
She sat down on my d--k in “cow-girl” style
she rode me like bicycle for like 20mims
she stretched forward, placed her hands on
my chest, knelt down on my waist and
began to ride up and down ** Finally i
programmed Dupe**
We changed style Dupe knelt down before
me her a-s faced me i began to f--k her
with doggy style, we f----d for another
30mins before i was about to c-m.
I pulled out my d--k and cummed on her fat
Hmmm pesman you are the best Dupe
complimented after explosives f----d, we
stood up entered the bathroom to cleanup.
Me: You are so sweet dear
Dupe: You are so strong dear
Me: I enjoyed every bit of it
Dupe: I also enjoyed every bit of it
Me: Yea, but you don’t tell me you will be
heading back today?
Dupe: yes i don’t! I willingly not to, just want
surprise you
Me: That’s good, but when did you leave
Lagos for you to reached early like this
Dupe: I don’t travelled to Lagos, i lied to you
the day i called you that am on my way to
Me: **surprised** But why
Dupe: Thought i warned you not to do
woman ritual but you don’t heed to my
Me: Do you know i would be arrested today?
Dupe: Yes i knew
Me: **rolled eyes** chai why don’t you tell
Dupe: Why would i? Pesman let me tell you,
the outcomes of the woman ritual you did
won’t favoured you, i want you to suffer
for your ignorance that’s why i lied that i
was travelling
Me: Why don’t you tell me all this before we
had s-x?
Dupe: Because i was feelings h---y and i
want to calm the sexual huge in me, and
that’s what I had couple hours ago .
Me: Hmmmm
Dupe: Pesman you never see anything only
God knows where this woman ritual of urs
will land you
Me: **Feared** please tell me what do you
Dupe: am seeing a lot
Me: Please tell me
Dupe: I wouldn’t tell you, because i want it
to pass
Hmmmm pesman you are a dead man
already, only God knows where my stupidity
will leads me, i pray it doesn’t led me to
To be continued


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