Wednesday, 25 October 2017


Dupe: Can you see now? Please go and
open the door for your visitors.
Me: ** Disappointed ** ok, i walked to my
door, opened the door, standing before me
was CNN and Tola (his girlfriend) i ushered
them in, i can see the surprised on CNN face
when he saw Dupe in my room. They
greeted each other, All of us sit on the
Tola: Good Afternoon sister, how are you?
Dupe: am fine ma
Tola: What is your name?
Dupe: Dupe
Tola: Modupeoluwa, what a beautiful name.
Dupe: Thank you ma, and what is your name
Tola: i’m Tola by name
Dupe: you are so beautiful aunty Tola
Tola: * Blushed* Thank you sister mi, you
are also a beautiful lady with ecstatic and
magical voice. ** Both of them laughed**
CNN: Hello, who is this please? * he placed
his phone to right ear and went outside to
received the call*
Tola: Uncle pesman what do you have in the
house, am feeling hungry
Me: Nothing dear, but the Hollandia yogurt i
bought for my bae remain sha, you can have
Tola: Aunty Dupe hope you won’t mind
sipping a little out of your drink?
Dupe: Its yours sister
*** Tola poured the yogurt into glass cup
and sipped it, pesman! pesman!! pesman!!!
CNN called my name from outside, i went out
to meet him***
CNN: Is that not the girl we met at nairabet
shop in the afternoon?
Me: Yes she’s, any problem?
Cnn: No problem pesman, but how come
she followed you to your house, i mean
did you met again, how come pesman tell
Me: After you sent me out of your house
CNN : *cuts in* guy i didn’t sent you out of
my house, i had a visitor
Me: Ok, After i left your house, i met her on
my way to my house, we talked and she
followed me, she said her house was boring
and she needs my company
CNN: Guess you have programmed her?
Me: programme ke? I was about to start the
programme before you interrupted us with
your bad luck, guy i hate you
CNN : lol ( Lol means… Laughing out loudly,
lots of laughs commonly used for laughing
in 9ja, if you
were engaged in a chat with a Nigerian guy
or lady on social media you might been seen
this slang most of times)
Me: Have you programmed Tola?
Cnn: Before nko? I no dey dull myself like
you nah
Me: No problem, Thank God we are visiting
“Fayemi” next tomorrow, i will surprise you
CNN: its 7pm already, hope you have set?
Me: Set? Are we traveling out of the country?
CNN: no, we are going to Ghana, have you
forget we played gamble at nairabet shop in
the afternoon?
Me: Oh! I rememberd, so we are going to
France to watch the match live and direct?
CNN: Pesman be wise, we are going to Dstv
viewing center to watch the match not
Me: I don’t think i can follow you go o
CNN : Because of that bae in your room?
Me: Yes boss, because of her
CNN : woman wrapper ( woman wrapper
means one who like woman according to
our 9ja pigin, but oyinbo people do called it
Me: Thanks
*** CNN and i walked back to my room, we
met Tola and Dupe Gossiping, only God
what they were discussing about. They kept
mute immediately we walked in***
Dupe: Pesman, aunty Tola said they are
going to Dstv viewing center to watch
England match and i want to follow them.
Me: ** Felt bad, This girl must be mad o, i
want to stay back at home with you, you
are now telling me that you to follow tola to
watch match. Football is meant for guys
not for ladies**
Me: No problem dear, we are going together
**i can see big grin on CNN face, he stylishly
mocked me*
Tola: Let start going then, time has gone
We left my room, i locked my door, put the
key where i used to keep it.
Four of us headed to Dstv viewing center
like a happy couples.
We entered the viewing center to met full
house, omo 9ja guys love football oo see
how this place is full, we found one empty
bench we sat on it, Tola sat, CNN sitted
next to her, i sat next to CNN , while dupe
sit next to me.
My mind wasn’t on the ball we are watching
at all, all i was thinking was how
to become the official boyfriend of Dupe, I
sit continued watching the ball with fake
smile on my face, without knowing the
jersey colour of England nor Iceland.
37min of the match i heard heavy shouting
of Goal! Goal!! Goal!!! Up England.
I quickly stand on my feet jumped up
shouting with them, Goal! Goal!! Goal!!!
Dupe also stood up, i hugged her so tight,
before CNN whispers to my ear.
“Guy what makes you happy? Don’t forget
we played this match with 5k, England
scored you were jubilation, don’t you know
if England won this match your 5k is gone,
but if Iceland won you will be 40k richer”
I gently sat down like someone who lost his
flight fare to USA
Dupe: Don’t be panic pesman, Iceland will
Me: I pray so
Dupe: *smile* you don’t have to pray,
Iceland has won already
Me: Hmmm ** surprised, seems Dupe had
First half ended with England led with 1-0
we went outside the viewing center to catch
some fresh air.
Cnn: If England win this match, i will fight O.j
Me: who is O.j?
Cnn: The guy that gave us this game
Me: Does he collected any money from you?
be free he gives out the game
Cnn: What of the 5k i used to play it?
Me: That’s what they called gambling, don’t
forget my jamb fee is also involved
Cnn: that mean you are not going to
this year again
Me: God forbid, i will
Dupe: Pesman i want to talk with you *she
moved closed to me*
Me: Here i am ** We excused ourselves from
cnn and Tola**
Dupe: I don’t know if you will believe me on
this or not. You know when i said you will
have a visitors it comes to passed?
Me: Yes its, hope no problem this time
Dupe: No problem pesman but
Me: But what? Tell me please, second have is
about to start
Dupe: Don’t worry about the match, Iceland
will wins with 2-1 your bet ticket will win
Me: How did you know i played bet?
Dupe: I was at your back when you played it
in the afternoon, But that’s not the reason
why i said i want to talk with you
Me: ok tell me the reason dear
Dupe: pesman i love you, i don’t want
something bad happen to you
Me: ** Fear** please talk to me, what’s the
Dupe: Something is telling me that you
should not sleep in your room this night
Me: ** Relived ** if i sleep in my room what
will happened?
Dupe: I don’t know but my instinct is telling
me something bad will happened
Me: Thanks for the info dear, i will find
somewhere else to sleep
Dupe: Please do, i love you so much
Me: I love you too, but can i sleep in your
Dupe: I wish you could, but my sister is here
with me, am not living alone
Me: Ok dear, you are such a wonderful lady, i
kissed her forehead
“Hmmmm this girl is something else o”
“please who is this girl self?”
“seems she is seeing vision”
“she said i picked 1000naira when i went to
bought yogurt for her which is true”
“she said i will have a visitors and i had”
“now she said i should not sleep in my room
that something bad will happened”
“Am yet to convinced”
“she said Iceland will wins 2-1”
“Let me wait till the end of the match, if
Iceland wins i will believe her”
We walked back to the viewing center for
the continuation of the match, to cut the
long story short Iceland won 2-1, i was
extremely happy because of 40k i just won,
all thanks to “OJ”
Dupe: Oga pesman didn’t i told you Iceland
will wins 2-1
Me: yes you said it, you are a Godly sent
Dupe: But don’t forget what i told you, on
no account you should sleep in your room
Me: No problem dear, i will not sleep there
Cnn: congratulation guy, our ticket is won,
we are now 40k richer
Me: Am happy bro, but how are they going
to pay us? Because i don’t rememberd when
we give them our bank account
Cnn: they don’t pay through bank, they are
paying with cash
Me: how?
Cnn: We will go there tomorrow by 12pm
with our winning tickets, once tender the
ticket to the lady that played it for us, she
would pay out our money
Me: So the ticket is very important?
Cnn: Yes, without it, they won’t pay our
money o, pesman keep your ticket safe
Me: Ok boss, please let’s seeing dupe off, she
is going to her house
Cnn: Dupe why nah? I thought you will sleep
in my friend’s house?
Dupe: No sir, my sister cannot sleep alone
Cnn: ok o
** We followed dupe to her house, her
house is not too far to mine, After dupe
entered her room, we also headed to our
destinations, on our way, i stylished told cnn
about what dupe told me**
Me: Guy na your house i want to sleep this
night o
Cnn: you must be dreaming, what of your
own house? Moreover don’t you see my
queen beside me? Let me tell you incase you
don’t know, Tola is sleeping in my house?
Tola: No problem uncle pesman, you can
sleep with us, you and your friend will sleep
on the bed and i will sleep on the floor
Cnn: No way, you cannot sleep in my house,
maybe next time
Me: Ok guy goodnight, i left him and Tola, i
don’t know what next to do, i brought out
my phone scroll through my contact to
called some of our friends, maybe i can sleep
with them. I called like 12 numbers, some
are switched off, some don’t pick, some said
they were not in town, some said they were
having visitors. I tried all my possible best
but all went in vain, i don’t see where to
pass the night, i made up my mind to sleep
in my room *** .
pesman act like a man,
nothing will happened to you, Yes you are
right nothing will happened to me, i
reasoned with my inner mind ***
I opened my door, entered my room, i was
shaking like xmas goat that is waiting for
his judgment, i switched off my phone
hiding it somewhere, i says some prayers, i
asked for God protection over my life, off my
wears left only boxer and singlet
(underware) on me.
I lay flat on my bed to sleep, but sleep eluded
me, i couldn’t sleep, i was scared.
proper closed, my door
was closed ** Pesman don’t scared, you are
saved ** i was still in thought that i don’t
know when i slept off
A ray of flash light flashed across my face,
my eye swanged opened to face the reality,
there were two guys in my room with local
gun and cutlass held firmly in their hands,
my heart
skipped like 10sec before it started to be
beating faster, my underware was soak
my sweat, i felt like ground should open and
swallowed me, one of the guy moved closed
me and landed hot slap on my cheek, my ear
started malfunctioning immediately, i can’t
hear clearly ( Am doomed i’m not president
buhari oo, who will fly me to London for ear
Guy1: Stand up, where did you keep your
phone and money?
Me: My lord, i don’t have any money on me
sir, and i just lost my phone this afternoon
Guy2: Don’t tell me you don’t have any
money and phone in this room, if we search
your room and found money and phone,
you are in trouble.
The second guy went outside, entered again
with chair in his hand, oya sitdown on this
chair my friends, he commanded me
I sat on the chair, he unzip his bag brought
out a robe and tied me down to the chair,
mouth was also plastered.
They started searching my room looking
what to stealing. My mind flashed back to
Dupe, her words continued ringing on my
head ” Something is telling me that you
should not sleep in your room this night, i
don’t know what is going to happened o,
but my instinct is telling me something bad
happened pesman please don’t sleep in
your house”
Pesman you are doomed and dupe warned
me ooo, how wished i could turn back the
hand of time
To be continued
Episode 5
They searched my room for about 15min
without founding something useful to
them. The guy that tiled me down to chair
walked to me and landed another feverish
slap on my face, i found myself in the state
of having a fever that has elevated my
body temperature.
Guy1: Detriment, I think we should start
going, this guy is poorer than church rat
Guy2: Violent, you make sense but we
cannot leave this guy room without taking
something along with us
*** So their names are “Detriment” and
“Violent” According to 7th edition of oxford
dictionary, “Detriment” can be define as
something that which cause injury, damage,
loss or misfortune
while “violent” can also be define as
involving extreme force or motion, involving
physical conflicts.
Oh lord please don’t let “Detriment” and
“Violent, detriment and violent me, i pray
within myself “***
Violent: What do you suggest we do?
Detriment: I think we should go with his
Playstation 3 and few of his clothes
Violent: You always make sense padi mi (my
Detriment: ** Faced me** guess your name
is Pesman? And i knew you were named
Pesman just because of this game in my
hand ** carrying my PS 3 with left hand**
at this moment your name should be
changed, because we are going with your
PS game, but if God bless you, you can buy a
supermario and named yourself “marioman”
Violent: Let select few of his rag that he
called clothes
Me: ** My God please don’t let them took the
jean trouser i wore in the afternoon oo, my
40k nairabet winning ticket was kept inside
Detriment: Guy let go this guy clothes are
not worth to be stolen, how on earth would
i be stolen rag?
Violent: Lets go, wait it seems he just
bought this jean trouser, i will take it
along** Pointing to my jean, where i kept
my 40k winning ticket, they left my room
with my ps3 and my trouser, my daring ps3
and winning ticket of 40k was gone, i
My eyes slowly opened, The atmosphere was
completely different. The air had a perfumed
scent the seat were plush.
Every surface was dustless. The nurses were
unhurried and they moved with a serene
purposefully from room to room on their
rounds. There were vases of flowers and
beautiful framed pieces of art on the walls.
In the room was a water dispenser and in
most rooms could be heard the noise of
That was when i knew i was on hospital
bed, i turned my head to right side there
were my mum and my little sister ( I do
called her Queen) I turned left side there
were CNN , Tola and Dupe.
I looked at Dupe and smiled
Mum: Thank God you are awake. Doctor said
you will be discharge today, once you are
discharge, you will be following me to my
house, your house is not secured for now
CNN: Don’t worry mum, he will move in with
Queen: Welcome back brother, guess you
are strong now?
Tola: Uncle pesman how are you feelings
Dupe: He is strong already, i trust him, he is
not a lazy man
Mum: what would you like to eat?
Me: bread and hot tea
Mum: ** Turned to my sister** go and
prepare tea for your brother. She left the
ward to prepare tea and bread for me
Mum: let me go and freshen up, thank God
friends are here with you, i will be back in
no time ** she left the hospital ward**
Me: CNN, please you and Tola should help me
go to my room you will see one umbrella at
the left corner side of my room, check inside
it my phone was hide inside that umbrella
CNN : hiding your phone inside umbrella? Do
you know thieves were coming to your
house before hiding your phone?
Me: No i don’t, but before i slept yesternight
my mind keep telling me to hide it and I
obeyed, that’s why i hide it inside umbrella
( I lied)
CNN : Ok bro **Faced Tola** lets go dear
Tola: I want to stay with uncle permanent,
please go alone
Me: Dear Tola follow him nah, you know he
can’t do without you, or you want another
girl to snatch him from you along the road?
Tola: Hmmmm na True o uncle pesman, i
don’t want to be toying with my husband to
be, oya lets go ** Two of them left the room
leaving Dupe and i inside the hospital
Dupe: ** she moved closed to me, caress my
forehead, i the felt the feelings**
Pesman, don’t i warned you not to sleep in
your room? You don’t want to heed to my
words abi?
Me: Not like that dupe, i tried all my possible
best not sleep in my room but all went futile,
all my friends i called gave me frivolous
Dupe: Why don’t you sleep with brother
Me: Tola passed night in his house, and i
Dupe; **Cuts in** its ok Pesman , but don’t
doubt me if i tell you something next time
Me: But Dupe where did you get all this
information? Abi you are part of them
Dupe: Lolzzz part of them ko, part of them ni
Me: Dupe you are scaring me who are
you per say?
Dupe: Do you want to know me?
Me: Yes i want
to know
Dupe: you are yet to deserved to know who
am i, when its time you will. Pesman do you
love me?
Me: Yes i do
Dupe: Are you sure?
Me: Why all this nah, i love you with my soul
Dupe: Ok, i will tell you something when we
reached house
Me: I hate suspense please tell me now
Dupe: Your sister is here already, and what i
want to tell you is a secret, just chill till we
reached your house
Me: Where is she?
Dupe: Wait and see she would enter now
*** Knock on the door, my sister walked in
with big flask on her left hand and slice
bread on her Right hand***
Queen: ** She poured tea inside cup and
placed it on small table with four slice
Brother here is your food sit
and eat it. ** I sat, took a slice of bread,
soaked it inside tea put it to my mouth but i
couldn’t eat it, the tea and bread was
tasteless in my mouth**
Me: This tea is tasteless in my mouth
Queen: Maybe because of injections you
Dupe: **Caress my hairy chest** should i
feed you?
Me: Don’t worry dear ** I managed to eat
3 slice of bread with a cup of tea**
*** Knock on the door, CNN and Tola walked
in, he (CNN) brought out my phone from
pocket handed it to me***
CNN : Guy you try o
Me: What happened?
CNN: I suffered before i could see this
phone. e be like say you dey leave with your
grandmother before, you sabi how to hide
Tola: Abi nah, nobody can suspect your
phone were kept there
*** Mummy walked in with Doctor***
Mum: Pele oko mi (sorry my dear) Doctor
said you will be discharge now
Doctor: Yes, you will be discharge now, your
bill has been taken care off by someone, but
the person didn’t reveal her Identity, so you
can go home now,.
Mum: Pleas doctor who paid the bill?
Doctor: Madam, on no account you should
worry yourself, the person said when its
time you will know
Mum: Just want to appreciate her
Doctor: It ok madam, we will delivered your
message , and you young man **he faced
me** make sure you complete your drugs
and stay away from trouble ok?
Me: Alright sir, thanks alot.
I was discharged, all of us left the hospital,
but not until CNN finished reaming bread
and tea ( Hungry Dude)
Tola: My mum is waiting for me at home, i
will check on you back uncle pesman
Me: Ok dear, thanks for your care
Dupe: Let me be on my way too, i left my
sister alone in the house since morning
Me: no problem dear, you have tried for me
can’t wait to see you again love you so
Dupe: ** Kissed me ** love you more
Tola and Dupe left the room, remaining CNN
and i
CNN : Guy, those thieves really deal with you
o, see how they tied you like sallah ram
Me: No be small thing brother, they nearly
killed me, and cold for outside was not
helping the matter at all, that i don’t know
when i fainted
CNN : Eyah sorry bro
Me: Thanks yours is coming
CNN : You they crazy, let go and cashed in
winning tickets
Me: *** In inarticulate voice *** my ticket
was kept inside the jean trouser those
people took in my room
CNN : ** Laughing Endlessly **
Me: What’s funny? Why the stupid laugh?
CNN: I was laughing because you are the
most dumpest guy i ever met
Me: so if it was you, won’t you released the
trouser to them, or you want me to losse my
precious life because of 40k winning ticket?
CNN : Stop saying rubbish, your ticket is here
with me
Me: How come?
CNN : I was the one who collected it when it
was printed out yesterday
Me: ** happy ** Thank God oo, abeg lets go
and collect our money
CNN : Mumu guy
Me: So far my ticket is with you i agreed to
be mumu, thanks
*** We left his room for nairabet shop, we
cashed in our money left the nairabet shop,
but not until we gave O.J 200naira each for
job weldone, aki lahun kaniyi, ( you can’t be
stingy and be honored )***
Later in the night still in CNN room
Me: How about where we are going
CNN: Where?
Me: Fayemi’s shrine ofcourse
Cnn: You are a greed man, thought you have
Dupe already, what else are you looking for
Me: Guy remember your words, ” seven
girlfriends at a time”
CNN : And so?
Me: Let Go please, i want to confirmed how
powerful fayemi was
*** My phone rang that moment, i checked
the screening, you all guessed right it was
Dupe i picked the call***
Me: Hello dear
Dupe: Hello my love, how are you doing?
Me: Am getting better, thanks for your care
Dupe: Where are you now?
Me: Still with CNN
Dupe: Good just want to tell you that you
should not do what you are planning to do
Me: what?
Dupe: You know nah, where you are
planning to go with brother cnn, pesman
you should not go, i can bet it with you, you
will regrets the outcomes
Pesman you are in big mess this girl had
found out again, what next to do now,
should i go or not?
Me: i don’t understand what you meant
by where am i going tomorrow. See Dupe
am going nowhere.
Dupe: Pesman stop pretending
Me: am not
Dupe: ok just want to warned you Pesman.
Bye, love you
Me: love you too
**Hangs up**
Hmmmm!! Dupe again this girl is a
prognosticate lady, she sees everything
before happening.
“what do i do now”
“she said i will not like the outcome”
“whatever the outcome i will go”
CNN: what happened, who called you?
Me: It was Dupe
CNN: What does she mean by what do you
want to do?
Me: she said i should not relocated to my
house now, because isn’t safe ( i lied)
CNN: those thieves cannot come again, but
you can spend some days here with me
Me: that’s what i will do
CNN : Better
**My phone rang, it was my mum**
Me: Hello ma
Mum: Hello Dear, how are you?
Me: Fine ma
Mum: How are you feeling now?
Me: feeling good and strong enough to
work in cement factory
Mum: That’s good, where are you?
Me: with CNN ma
Mum: ok dear, don’t go to your house yet, let
it be like 3days to come
Me: ok ma
Mum: And you should come and check me at
home tomorrow
Me; Ok ma
**Hanged up***
Me: ** Faced CNN ** mama is greeting you,
she just called
CNN : My regards
Me: Thanks
CNN : You welcome
Me: So when are we going to Fayemi’s
CNN : As early as 8:30am to 9:00am
tomorrow: he might be going for
another babalawo’s meeting, so we go early
Me: you are the best friend i ever had
*** We slept that night,The SMS tone of my
phone woke me by 7:32am, i picked my
phone from floor, checked the message, i
was shocked with the contents of the
” And i know from the first time”
” I see your love, you got me baby”
” Even Thought i am an Eminent lady, i know
that i will fall for you”
” You got to know that everyone falls”
” Opps i done fell so deep baby”
” Opps i want you for me baby”
” opps i done fell so deep baby”
” Everyone fall in love sometimes”
” I don’t know about you but it ain’t a
” If you let me love you, love you for long
time baby”
” If you let me touch you, and if you let me
love you till the morning” #Peslady
PS : The contents of the message was “Tory
Lanez luv” song lyrics
I read the text again, again and again, wow
love this message
” Who could have sent this such message?
But i
had only one girlfriend (Dupe)”
“But i don’t usually call her peslady”
“Who is peslady again?”
I would have called the sender of the
message but i was unable to call the
number, because it was a customized
number. The sender was peslady and i don’t
save any number as peslady on my phone
Me: ** Tapped CNN ** guy good morning
is what i saw on my phone this morning
(stretches the phone to him)
CNN : ** Collected phone from me, he read
message** Hmmmm pesman, i don’t think it
was dupe o
Me: Me too, i don’t think so, but who can
you suggest it was?
CNN: Can’t say because this is customized
Me : How can someone customized a name
be sent sms, i don’t understand
CNN: It is the work of bulk sms applications,
you were trading with any bulksms dealer,
you will be allow to customized you I.D, such
I.D can be used or any name of your choice
to sent out sms, your customized name will
be displaying instead of your phone number
Me: So the sender of this text is using
bulk sms?
CNN : Absolutely!
Me: I promised myself to found out the
CNN and i sat on a mat, our usual place,
fayemi also sit on his olden wooden
chair that faced our direction
Cnn: Eekaro baba (Good morning sir)
Fayemi: Eku ojumo Eyin omo mi (Good
morning my sons)
CNN : Baba, Eso wipe ki awa leni (You said
should come today)
Fayemi: Moni opolopo alejo, mi o Mon ohun
ti ebawa sibi Mon (I had numerous visitors,
so i can’t remembered what you were here
for, so YOU have to remind me)
CNN : Ore mi yi ni momuwa ni ijeta ti moso
wipe koni obinrin afesona kan kan (I
brought this my friend to you last two days,
that i told you he had no girlfriend)
Fayemi: Omo daada, moranti, Awure obinrin
niye, se eni apomeji abo lowo? (Good boy,
now I remember you want to do women
Ritual, do you have 500naira with you?
Me: Beeni sir, mo ni (Yes sir, i have) I
brought out 500naira note from my pocket
Fayemi: Apomeji abo yi ni igbese akoko,
ewalo bami wa ako alangba wa, oya emape.
(This 500naira is first step, you will go now
and bring Agama lizard for me, you should
CNN : Se akol’e ra Ako Alangba noni? (Can’t
we buy the Agama/He-lizard?)
Fayemi: **Laugh** E’le ra, sugbon ogbodo
je eleyi ti won pa loni (You can, but it must
be the one they killed today)
Me: Eese baba, ama padawa ri yin laipe
(Thank you sir, we will be back shortly)
We left Fayemi shrine as confused men,
friend in need is friend indeed, CNN really
stood by me, i owe him alot
But what i failed to know was my name at
the end
would be
To be continued


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