Wednesday, 11 October 2017

FINDING HUBBY Episode 19 to 21

We watched as Toke struggled with telling us who Olumide was and my fears about him instantly skyrocketed. I hoped Toke wasn’t pregnant for some married man. The most intelligent ladies do the silliest things at times, when you least expect it.
“I met Olumide about a month ago. Very nice guy.” She took her phone from me and retrieved a picture from her memory card and showed him to us. The guy in the picture was on the chubby side, but chubby in a good looking Cedric the Entertainer kinda way. He was wearing a grey suit that looked good on him, and he seemed to carry himself well even in the picture. “This is a correct looking guy now”, Gloria said. “Exactly,” I joined in. “So why the hide and seek?” “You guys should wait and let me give you the background now, before I get to that point. At least you will be more lenient when crucifying me if you hear it all.” We nodded okay and she continued,
“I met him in company of another male friend, and I just enjoyed his wit and charm. He’s a lawyer, and he’s very intelligent. Very very. You know me, I’m a sucker for intelligent guys. And his imagination was just as active as mine. At some point, even my friend couldn’t keep up with us as we sparred with all sorts of puns. It was beautiful.”
I can imagine. Toke looked like she was having an orgasm just internally reliving the conversation. She always (I mean always) gauges a man by his ability to keep up with her, especially in conversation and talking in imagery. No attraction can happen if the guy cannot, and even if there was some initial attraction, if he cannot keep up, the attraction dies a natural death. She always said that if a guy cannot get jokes she cracks, he simply cannot get the rest of her. So I know the kind of heaven she must have been in when she met a guy who could keep up with her. It seemed he could do more than keep up with her. He challenged her. She rarely found such men.
She continued “we hooked up a couple of times, and he just has the most beautiful amazing mind ever. You will notice I’ve been happier and more motivated lately”. Very true, she’s had great energy level recently (as attested to by events of earlier in the day). I was beginning to get impatient because I knew she had not gotten to the gist of the matter. But I borrowed myself brain, make I no rush the girl. She was obviously having a hard time coming out straight with it, so I didn’t want to make it harder.
“He didn’t even need to formally ask me out. We just started dating, and I feel in my bones he is the one for me. I met his family and they are such wonderful people. He doesn’t make as much money as I do, but I don’t mind at all. He’s hardworking, makes his own money, and takes care of me in spite of not making up to me. Lord, I love him.” She held her head in both hands now.
Wow! The big love word. This was more serious than I thought. Toke was in love. For real. She was despairing seriously now, so I had to nudge her “All this sounds wonderful, but I’m sure
there’s something you haven’t told us”.
She raised her head and looked me squarely through eyes that were red from tears she was struggling to hold back “He’s 27.”
I nearly fell off my chair. The words “cradle snatching” jumped out of my mouth before I could catch myself. Gloria repeated, “27!” She was a clean eight years older than him.
“Yes he is, but he’s so mature. First, I met him through a friend who is older than me and they talked as colleagues and friends. I didn’t realize that men are not like us; they can relate with someone way their junior as friends on the same level. So I assumed he was at least my age on that first meeting. And it was so perfect with him I didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t until I had to get his driver’s license about two weeks into the relationship that I discovered. Then I confronted him with the fact, and he told me he didn’t have any issues with it, that he loves me and wants to make me his wife. He has never dated any woman younger than him, so he’s used to it already. And in all honesty, if you remove the age ish, he is all I want in a man.”
“Toke,” I said, shaking my head to emphasize my disagreement “he’s not even as old as Dayo, and if I recall, Dayo isn’t your immediate younger brother. There’s still Salewa between you guys. It just doesn’t seem right. Too many things can go wrong. How would you handle if Salewa or Dayo was rude to him? They are older you know? And then add another ten years to your ages, he’s 37 and still youthful and you are 45 and nearing menopause. A lot of times, these young guys will leave you at that time when you need them the most and go for a girl that is young enough to be your daughter (yes, a 45 year old can sha give birth to a 25 year old). What will you do then?”
Toke’s eyes blazed as she shouted at me “I know! Do you think I haven’t thought of all that? I wish I could just turn myself off and let him go. But it’s not that easy!”
I quickly hugged her “Sorry dear, I’m real sorry”.
Somehow I felt like life was playing a cruel tease game with us. It brought me a man who was my all I ever dreamt about but he turned out to be gay. It delivered Gloria to a man who turned her into his punching bag and cruelly killed their child. And now it had sucker punched Toke by delivering her the man of her dreams, with this big comma over him. I’m beginning to wonder if everyone always has to make some sort of compromise to get married, because it seems that is going to be the case here. Really, I want your thoughts on this in today’s comments. Is it absolutely necessary?
Back to Toke’s issue. She was near tears now. “I tell myself I should be proud of my man, and he’s been asking to meet my friends for like two weeks now, but I’ve given one excuse or the other. He’s too sharp not to see my excuses for what they really are, but I guess he is humoring me. But I really don’t know how long his patience will last. I want to be proud of my man in every way, but I cannot truly tell myself that even I am not struggling with this right now. My fear is that I’ll do something because of these struggles that will sabotage the relationship, and then I’ll then say it’s because of the age difference that it crashed when in reality, it’s my actions that caused the crash.”
My impulse is to tell Toke to end it and count it as a loss, but knowing how choosy she is, and how long it has taken her to find this, and then the fact that the guy is seriously considering marrying her, I really do not know what to say.
I looked at her and said “Toke, this is what we will do…
Episode 20
We agreed with Toke that we would meet Lumi. In spite of all our reservations about the cougar kinda relationship, we decided to support her. Immediately we did, Toke excitedly called him and put it on speaker. A deep rich baritone voice with a slight British accent came through
“Ololufemimydear, wotagwan”.
Toke:“Guess what”?
Lumi:“What o?”
Toke:“My friends have agreed to come on an all expense paid trip with me to see you. All expense paid by you of course”.
Lumi:“I can guess they are all listening, so I’ll let them know that I have to consult my board of directors on the profitability of this investment”
We all laughed and he cooed “Hi ladies”.
We all said in our most girly voices “Hiiiiii”.
“We’ll see tomorrow, at four pm. Please ensure your tour guide, Toke, gives you adequate tips on how to survive my very dry sense of humor”.
Then he addressed Toke
“Sweets, glad I’m finally getting to meet the world famous musketeers. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Love you plenty”
Toke:“Bye honey. See ya tomorrow”.
You need to have seen the way Toke was smiling from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat as she hung up the call.
Now it’s not like we were the ones going to our man, but we had to represent, we couldn’t fall our friend’s hand. So we spent most of the next morning picking out what to wear, wondering where we would all be going anyways.
I picked out a lovely flowery dress, while Glo wore one of those jumpsuit gowns and an elaborate hat with shades. Toke *cough cough* wore a pair of shorts that showed off her legs and a chiffon top, big earrings and pumps. Omoge on point! The guy will die there o, see as my friend was looking hot.
4pm on the dot, my doorbell rang and Toke wanted to head to the door. Gloria rushed her and made sure she did no such thing, you can never seem too eager to a man jor. I got the door, and surveyed Lumi. I smiled that “not bad” smile and extended my hand saying “Oyin”, and he took my hand and said “so you guys did the ‘she must not be too eager to come and get the door’ thingy”?
I laughed. He was a smart one. “But of course”, and I stepped aside to let him come in. Toke was right behind me already (RME. The girl is just not trying at all).
The day with Lumi went great. The chemistry between him and Toke was like bread and butter, so together, so seamless. And I did the imagining them in bed thingy in my head and the picture gelled. Glo and I watched them with positive envy (yes there is such a thing), and enjoyed the evening together. First we went to Terakulture for one of his friend’s book reading, and then went on to have dinner at Jevinik. The conversation around that dinner table was one of the best I have had in years. We talked about everything and moved effortlessly through every topic. He was down to earth, witty, and all that Toke had said and more. By the time the evening was over, I had totally forgotten about his age. It felt like I had known him for years. I couldn’t be happier for my friend. If he had that effect on me with just one evening, how could I blame my friend for forgetting with plenty such evenings together?
At about ten o clock, I noticed that Toke was getting more and more cuddly. That’s non-verbal for “you people should start going and leave us to *wink wink*” I kicked Gloria under the table and she got the message. Lumi picked on the increased activity and seized the moment to say
“I think we should call it a night, en, ladies?”
We sluggishly gathered our things and shuffled towards Lumi’s car. Toke took the wife position beside him in front and Glo and I got into the back seat, pretending not to notice that there were some slight smooches as he formed opening the door for her. He walked over to the side of his car with a slight arc of his back, and the posture did nothing to hide the bulge he was trying to hide in his groin. In no time, we were home, and they dropped us off for the night (like we were expecting Toke to stay with us ). The BBMS began to fly in from her the moment they left
Toke: So what do you guys think?
Me: think he’s real great o. Our fears were unfounded.
Toke: Soooooooooooo?
Me:# bbthinkingsmiley
Toke: Oyin, you are putting me on long ish! Talk jor!
Me: # bbrotflsmiley . We both think the age is not going to be an ish. He’s a correct guy and carries himself so well.
Toke: # bbkisssmiley . Gotta run
Me: Gerrout. We both know what you are running to go and do.
It was then I noticed Glo wasn’t laughing with me. We had been reading the bb conversation together. Maybe she was thinking about her marriage. For whatever its worth, a broken marriage cannot be as easy to take as she had taken it. After her initial relief, there was bound to be despair and a loneliness that was deep. Add that to the sense of loss she must feel over her lost pregnancy. I hadn’t even been married to Yomi and those first few days after the wedding had been hell on earth. So I could imagine to a degree what was going through her mind as she saw Toke so happy with her man. I had felt that way about her being married and preggy earlier
I poured her a drink and we just sat in silence for like fifteen minutes, sipping on our drinks. Gloria broke the silence
“I need to tell you something, Oyin”, she began
“If it’s about Ossy, and asking forgiveness kind of talk, I’m over that now and we’re waaaaay past that”, I responded
She hushed me and said “No, it’s about Ossy at all. That whole saga hurts, but I don’t want to talk about that. It’s something else”.
I became alert, and sat up. I wondered what it was that she wanted to talk about. I figured now she had been trying to decide whether to tell me or not, so it had to be pretty serious and had to involve me in some way.
“It’s about Toke, or more correctly, about Lumi”.
I sprang into an upright and fully alert sitting position immediately. “What about him”, I inquired.
Gloria held her head in her hands and said “I have slept with Lumi”.
I collapsed back into my chair like a pack of cards, as tears fell out of Gloria’s eyes.
Before I could get the details out of Gloria, my phone rang. I knew it was Toke because I set her own voice recording as her ringtone. I quickly picked the phone
“Is Gloria there?” she asked
“Yes she is”, I responded and Gloria’s head shot up. All that raced through my mind was that Lumi and told her and she wanted to scream her head off at Gloria.
I gingerly put the phone on the table and put it on speaker phone. “Toks, you’re on speaker now, we can both hear you”.
Then she shrieked, “He proposed!!!!”
Episode 21
We both shrieked along, me in delight, and Glo in shock, turning my living room into one big shriek fest, at 11:30pm. When the shrieking had died down, Toke bid us farewell with a “he’s coming, gotta go, we’re about to celebrate”, and hung up. She actually said the last line
# inWaconzyVoice
Almost as soon as Toke hung up, a text message came into my phone. I quickly opened it, thinking it was some follow up gist. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw a message from Hawt Pastor, asking that I ensure I did not miss church for any reason the next day, since it had been so long ago he had seen me in church.
Once I had finished reading the sms, I turned to Gloria “I’m listening…”
“It was like three years ago, and it wasn’t anything serious. I was in UK, and met him at a party. As you have experienced, he has a way with words and gestures. Things got crazy and it was a one night thing. I never thought I was ever going to see him again in my life, ever. There was no way I would ever have know he would end up as the love of my best friend’s life. Absolutely no way”.
I sat on the edge of the chair, as I realized the dilemma Gloria was going through.
“Please do not tell Toke”, she begged “she’s so happy with him and I don’t want to be the one that ruins everyone’s joy every time. Your wedding and now this.”
While what Gloria was saying made sense at a certain level, she was forgetting something “what if he tells her first? And if he had met you before, why didn’t he say so. And why would he propose to her right after meeting you?” I asked “I think it would be better if she finds out from one of us than him. That’s going to look real bad and it will be more difficult to let her know it was just a foolishness of the past. She can decide if she wants to go on, knowing what she knows. He obviously hasn’t told her so she can make her decision to marry him. We need to give her the opportunity to make an informed decision. Otherwise we’ll be making the same mistake Ossy made when he didn’t give me full disclosure about Yomi’s sexuality”.
She shook her head vigorously “No, he’s not going to tell her anything. From what I’ve seen, he genuinely loves her and wouldn’t want to hurt her that way”. Then she took my hands in hers and looked me square in the face “you must not mention this to her, ever. Oyin, you have to promise me. You must promise me, for Toke’s sake!” I was silent. “Promise!” she repeated. I nodded my head in agreement, hoping I would never have reason to regret the promise I had just made to Gloria.
The next day, I went to church again after a long time. Hawt Pastor had texted me earlier to remind me that I should not miss church for any reason. After the wedding thing, in which I had deliberately chosen not to follow his (sound) advice, our relationship had been sort of frayed. So I was surprised when I woke up that morning and saw his second sms. I really didn’t have much to do anyways, Gloria was going to see her mum and since Toke was still cooped up with Mr. Oga, I wasn’t expecting her back anytime soon. So rather than stay at home and cradle a bottle of JC Leroux, I decided to go to church.
I decided on a very comfy look for church. Jeans, flats, top and a jacket. Nothing elaborate, nothing gengen, I really couldn’t be bothered. If I had any other interesting option of what to do, I would probably not have gone to church that day.
But all that changed when I got to church and the service started. I have missed my church. The praise and worship was heavenly and the congregation was on point as usual. Everything gelled like a well rehearsed concert, the way CD John of blessed memory describes Island church services. One interesting thing though; I could pick out all the ladies who had come to church hoping to find husbands by casual observation. There was something about their dressing, the overstated alleluias and something else I just couldn’t place a name on. In a way, it was so obvious, it was funny. If I could see it this easily, wouldn’t it be so damn easy for the men to see it just as easily? I wonder, I just wonder. Just a few months ago, I was exactly like that, I thought ruefully. My recent experiences and heartaches have matured me sha (Oyin, clap for yourself).
As the service played out, my mind couldn’t help racing over various reasons why Hawt Pastor wanted to see me. As soon as the service was over, one of the fine ushers came and informed me that the pastor would be having a meeting with the building committee and after which he would see me. She handed me a note personally written by the Hawt Pastor himself. “I’d like to finish all business before seeing you, as I would like this meeting to be very private. I’ll make the meetings very brief. Thanks”. I fiddled with my BB for a bit and read status updates, then went through my timeline on twitter and then my FB wall. By the time I had gone through this, the church had emptied. This time I waited, instead of rushing up and forming pastor’s special convert (claps for herself again internally. Okay, I watch waaaay too much Ally Mcbeal). A few moments later, the same usher came back and informed me that the pastor would now see me. I followed her through rows of seats and up the stage stairs towards the office area. She asked me if I knew my way to the office and I nodded a yes. She then left me. I kept wondering what was going on. She had obviously been instructed to allow me come on my own. I am not paranoid, but after all sorts of things we have read, e reach to think these things.
Anyway, I kept going and knocked lightly when I got to the door. Hawt Pastor’s familiar baritone came through “Come in Oyin”.
As I made to open the door, my phone rang. It was Toke. I wondered why she was calling me now. I would return her call when I was done here.
“Oyin are you there?” he called out, his voice closer to the door now. The door opened before I could get it, and Hawt Pastor stood before me, sleeves rolled up, tie lose, but still with the rugged hotness that made him Hawt. “Hi Oyin”, he cooed “would you come in please?” Toke called again and I quickly turned off the ringer.
An SMS came into my phone, and I surmised it was from Toke. “Can I quickly check this?” I asked him as he still blocked the doorway. He nodded and I checked Toke’s SMS. It was short, but it felt like a punch to my face
“Gloria has slept with my fiancé”
I let out an “Oh my God”.
*******TO BE CONTINUED*******


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